#thoughts2ponder

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May tanong ako sa iyo...

May tanong ako: Bakit mo pa tinutuloy ang isang bagay na sa totoo lang alam mo nman na ang kahihinatnan? Alam mo namang masasaktan ka, bakit tinutuloy pa? Masochist ka ba?... Di ka naman tanga... Sabagay sabi nga nila ang taong matalino, Bobo pagdating sa Love. Pero sa totoo lang, bakit mo nga ba ginagawa yan? Wala ka na bang respeto o pagpapahalaga sa sarili mo? Haaaay... Hindi ko alam kung mkakarating ba sayo tong mga pinagssbi ko. Pero isa lang masasabi ko, sana dumating ang panahon na mkita mo na OK ka! Ok ka kahit wala na siya. Na hindi sya ang kumukumpleto sa buhay mo. Ung nararamdaman mo na lungkot? ngayon lang yan, lilipas din. Ok lng balik balikan ung alaala, pero wag na ung tao. Kasi kung gusto ka niyang balikan matagal na niyang ginawa un. Wag ikaw ang magdesisyon para sa kanya, wag mo syang ipagtanggol. Talaga bng gugustohin mong mkasama ang taong wlang desposisyon sa sa sarili nyang buhay? Na hinayaan nyang mwala ang taong "Mahal" nya dahil sa mga taong nkapaligid s kanya? Bakit?... Tingin mo ba wala ng magmamahal sa yo? O feeling mo wala ng dadating na iba? Parang mas ok na maging masaya ka at kuntento na magisa kesa maisakatuparan ang isang relasyon dahil lang sa isang institusyong baliko ang katwiran. Ano sa tingin mo? Wag mo sanang masamain. Ako eh nagtatanong lang naman...

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Upside Down

now i know how it feels na makarma at bumalik sau lahat ang mga ginawa mo sa kapwa mo... kung dati ako ung nang-iiwan at nkikipagbreak, ngsasabi nang "auko na", "dna kita mahal" at ng iba pang msasakit na salita, na para bang wala lang skn un and without even thinking how that person will feel.

ngayon, iba na ang ctwaxon...

ako n ngaun ang iniwan, ang cnabihan ng "dna kta mahal", and worst [na hindi ko tlga kayang tanggapin], "dna kita kayang mhalin gaya ng dati..."

feels like, pinagkait n skn ung pag-asa n hindi na mababalik ung dati.

nakapagbitaw bko sa kanya ng salitang ganon? "dna kita kayang mhalin pa gaya ng dati" oo, cguro nkkpagsalita ako ng "dna kita mahal" but that's just that out of anger and a burst of emotion, but the truth behind that is i really don't mean it.

tpos pagdating skn, para bang tinuldukan na niya ang lahat.

nung una, ayaw pa nia kong bgyan pa ng isang chanz. pro di kalaunan, ngbgay pa xa ng isang chanz.

REASON: dahil dw ayaw niang may mngyari skng masama... bakit ganon? ginawa nia lang ba un, dahil sa guilt na pag may ngyring masama skn... wla man lang bang kgustuhan sa kanya na pagpatuloy pa, at bka sakaling may mgbago?

ako naman dati, kapag ngsasabi ng break... im still willing to give it a try, and IM NOT CLOSING DOORS...

tpos, pag tatanungin ko xa kung mhal p nia ko ang sagot nia... hindi dw nia alam, at hindi dw nia alm kung pgmamahal pa dw ba un.. [ouch!]

bkit pag xa nmn dati ngtatanong, dko nmn xa cnasagot ng ganon dahil alam kong kahit may mga away kami i still love him more dan my life...

tpos pag tinatanong ko xa kung may pag-asa pb kami, ang sagot nia, hindi rin dw nia alam, pwedeng oo at pwede ring hindi...

tapos prang pampalubag loob nlng ung cnasabi niang, kung tau tlga, sa future tau pa din...

im very desperate right now, at sa desperadang tulad ko how can i accept dat na kung kami tlga, kami tlga s future? eh ni hindi ko nga mkita sarili ko at present na wala xa tpos s future pa?

oo cguro, napaka kitid ng pagiisip ko ngayon but this is the way how i feel...

if only i could turn back the time, babawiin ko lahat ng mga nasabi ko s kanya noon.

ngaun ko nrerealyz lahat ng mga kasalanang nagawa ko sknyapati na din s relationship nmin...ung mga nasasabi ko sknyang insenctv xa,ako pla ang mas insenctv...ung mga nasasabi ko sknyang he's not making an effort s rel nmin,mas ako pla ung wlang ngagawang effort.puro demands n nga ako,hindi ko mn pa naicoconcder ung mga pinagdaanan niapra lng mgawa ung mga demands ko.how selfish and indifferent pla ako...and now,sobra nkong ngsisisi...pangako ko sa sarili ko,pag ngkaaus n kmi [ung as in aus na aus n gaya ng dati]babaguhin ko n ung mga masasamang ugali ko. to enumerate some:-di nko mxadong magiging strict s knya-il give him nuf tym for his studies-dko pgkakait sknya ung hilig nia s sports, instead i wil be there to support him-d nko mxadong mgdedemand ng time kpag alam kong mxado xang bz-il try to be more senctive s mga feelings na di nia cnasabi-it try to put myself in his situation whenever there'll be a misunderstanding-dko na xa pgdududahan kapag aalis xa pra s studies nia-whenever there's a misunderstanding, iicpin ko muna mbuti ang mga lalabas n slita skn-iicipin ko kung anu mraramdaman ko pag skn xa ngsalita ng mga sasabihin kong hurtful words >>> ilan lang yan, pero hindi pa yan lahat ang mga masasamang ugali at mga naging kasalanan ko s knya... tinanong ko xa kung anu bang status namin now since ngbigay pa xa ng isa pang pagkakataon, ang sabi nia malalaman ko dw ung sagot nia next week. tpos ngayon dw, gawin ko n lahat ng gusto ko... para nmang countdown toh ng katapusan ng buhay ko eh.. dahil xa ang buhay ko... MY MESSAGE TO HIM:"sna pgbgyan mo pa poh tau... let's give it a try, pero hindi ung ganitong super cold ka skn...how can we see kung may mgbabago pb kung ganito tau...yeah, i know magulo pa din ung utak mo at anjan pa din ung mga skit na naibigay ko sau dahil hindi naman un ganon kadaling mawala. pro once na subukan uli ntin ung dati, pagpupursigihan kong mapawi ung mga skit na naibigay ko sau at mapalitan un ng mga magaganda...sobrang laki pa ng mga pagkukulang ko at napakadami ko pang klangan itama, kaya sana bgyan mo pa poh ako ng chanz... bgyan mo pa poh tau ng chanz...alam mo nmn poh ung chanz na cnasabi ko eh, chanz na makapag umpisa poh muli... wag mo poh sana isiping ayaw mo na mgumpisa tau uli kasi ayaw mo nang masaktan ako uli, kasi hindi naman un mawawala s isang relationship... all we have to do mgset sana ng boundaries or rules lalo n skn para dna ko maxado maging intruder sau n parang nasasakal na kita...hindi poh ako nwawalan ng pag-asa n mgkakaroon ptau ng chanz mkpag umpisa muli...mahal na mahal kita, higit pa s khit knno at higit pa sa buhay ko...hindi ko makita ang sarili ko ngaun nang wla ka..."

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Fake Friends vs. Real Friends

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food. REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food. FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry. REAL FRIENDS: cry with you FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back. REAL FRIENDS: keep your shirt so long they forget its yours. FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you. REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you. FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds that left you. FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!" FAKE FRIENDS: Are for a while. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

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Fauxtoshop & Fauxtographs

Last Saturday (Nov.3) Habang hinihintay cna kuya na mkapagpa-carwash, Nagbasa basa muna ako nang may nkita akong broadsheet sa isang tabi. And what caught my attention is the article entitled "Little Photoshop of Horrors" I admit, I'm an avid user of Adobe photoshop and I'm about to get addicted with it. But when I read this article, Napaisip ako: "Oo nga noh, Photoshop seems to lessen the objectivity of a photograph and loses its reality. Konting edit-edit, manipulation, at kung anu2 pa... I'm not against Photoshop/Photo manipulation, as some Publications, Magazines, Photographers, Artists, and even Photojournalists use Photoshop in their own works. And as sited on the article itself, one photojournalist tend to manipulate most of his photos in order to make his photographs more realistic. and when the publication found out all about this stuff, they pulled out all the photo archives of the photographer on their publication. [I just couldn't remember that Publication]. Ganon ba talaga ka-flawless ung mga models sa mga cover magazines na halos magpakamatay tayo mging klevel lang ntin cla... haaayy nko, ang nagagawa nga naman ng Photoshop. Minsan parang gusto ko na din sisihin ang Photoshop dahil sa pagiging Anorexic ko... [mahabang kwento pa, kung bkit...]. The article also cited some sites that abuses Photoshop, and these are Jezebel.com and Planethiltron.com. But Photoshop also has its brighter side... Without Photoshop, Siguro ang hirap ding gumawa ng mga Graphics and Images used for Advertising, Billboards, Magazine covers, Layouts for Tarpaulin and so much more... Maybe, It just all depends on the user on how he/she will use Adobe Photoshop." >>>Haaayz, sana lang hindi ako huntingin ng mga Abode Agents or makasuhan ng Libel... hehe!

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10 Things I Hate About You

Apparenly, I'm not into Shakespearean Sonnet And in fact, I really don't know what Sonnet is this... But when I saw this movie, These few lines struck me most:

I hate the way you talk to me And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick. It even makes me rhyme. I hate it... I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh; Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around And the fact that you didn't call, But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you; Not even close; Not even a little bit; Not even at all.

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IF

"if you see me walking the road with someone else, it's not because i like that person's company, it's because, you were not brave enough to walk beside me. if you hear me talking about that person all the time, it's not because that person pleases me. it is because, you were too deaf to hear my heart beats. if you feel me falling with someone new, it's not because i love that person. it's because, you were not there to catch me when i fall..."

-from Ally McBeal

______________________ Maybe it is true, That I've already turned into the most  stupid person I could ever become...[haha! tama ba grammar ko?! cnxa na, bangag eh... haha!] How? Coz I'm not only fooling other people of what I really feel -- The happy me, The person who laughs out loud as if there'll be no tomorrows to come, The busy person Who always pushed herself to the limit Just to prove to the people surounding me that I'm enjoying what I'm doing And for them to affirm when I say, "I'm ok," And that I'm really OKAY!!! But the truth is, I'm still hurting... I still have that 'breakup hangover'. I always thought that I've already moved on, But then I was so wrong. Yesterday, When I saw him [after a long time, since we last saw/talk with each other] All the tears that've dried, All the feelings that I've tried to get over with... Lahat nang yun... damn it! Bumalik LAHAT!!! And after all, I now realized that... I still missed him, I still missed you, dady...

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I Will Never Leave my Parents on that Way

November 20, 2007: Tanza-Del Carmen's School Fieldtrip It's been almost two weeks since I started my part time job as a computer teacher. And last November 20 [Tuesday] was their educational trip. We visited the Home for the Aged, as our first stop, And I couldn't help myself to be dismayed of what I saw. It's not about their facilities, Nor their environment But rather to those people na nasikmurang iwan ang mga magulang nila Sa ganoong kalagayan. Okay, I'm there. They might just too busy for them to take care of their parents And that Home for the Aged is their only resort For their parents would have someone to look after them. But no matter, They have someone to look after them Iba pa din ang alaga ng tunay na ka-pamilya. Don't they realize that?! I could not imagine myself Leaving my parents on other people's hand. And I promise myself, That no matter how busy my life would be I would never ever leave my parents. Love you, Mom... Love you, Dad...

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_=+I am in Love+=_

I am in love...With someone I do not know,Whose smile I haven't seen...Whose eyes I haven't stared at...Whose name I haven't spoken...Whose touch I haven't felt.I'm in love with someone I haven't met.But I'm not afraid,For I know in that perfect time,That destined place...I will be led to that one person,Whose face I only dreamt of.