Discover Top Posts Tagged with #thoughtsrightnow

What reading science fiction taught me about historical fiction

Ok, folks, I’m about to admit to something I’m not proud of. There was a time when I would look down on people who read historical fiction. Ok, that’s not completely accurate: I didn’t care if someone would read historical fiction purely for its entertainment value. What would bug me would be the people who’d read a work of historical fiction and then go on about how much they learned about…

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#HistoricalFiction #ScienceFiction #ThoughtsRightNow

Knowing where to jump in

This post was influenced by @HollyGoDarkly

A while ago, Erika (of Verity! and The Audio Guide to Babylon 5[ref]both of which are wonderful podcasts that you should totally start listening to if you’re not already doing so.[/ref]) wrote a blog post about jumping into a serialized piece of media mid stream. Erika’s post was influenced by a Star Trek podcast episode – which I admit that I haven’t listened to largely because I haven’t really…

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#ThoughtsRightNow

I really frigging miss you

#missingyou #feelings #thoughtsrightnow

Vent

Okay first of all people mainly someone I now hate are dicks Second people who is respectable will be respected and people who aren't doesn't deserve to be respected

#vent #thoughts #thoughtsrightnow #thatsall

Destruction or development?

Thoughts come & go... Currently on my mind: There have been a few people (well, men) in the past few years of my life that I have warned to not get too close to me (fall in love with me, really) simply because I had come to the obvious conclusion that I destroy intimate relationships... I believe I quoted it something like- everything I touch, I destroy. People tend to find this statement intriguing I suppose & laugh it off. I really believe what I've said to be true & don't really know how to feel or act when my warnings are not taken seriously. I guess I'm extremely selfish for allowing relationships to develop... Especially if I believe they're bound to the end result of destruction. Why? I know I'm not some sick, sadistic bitch that gets pleasure out of other people's pain. I definitely do not enjoying causing any kind of pain to others.. Whether it be emotional, physical, mental, or even spiritual. I actually feel like its my moral obligation to help others escape whatever pain or hardship they are currently experiencing. Smiles. That's one thing I try to give every person I cross paths with. It has been pointed out to me (for years) by several people, all whom which are very close to me, that I have a co-dependency problem. A big one. Mostly, it has been supported by the fact that I have had a "boyfriend" since I had my first "boyfriend". If one broke, I got a new one. I hate to put it like that, but it's one of my many ugly truths. Flashback: Growing up, my mother always had a "boyfriend" too... I never really noticed it or put much thought into it. That's just the way things were. Plus, I was really little. But looking back, she was constantly involved with one man or another, searching for love & acceptance & some sort of stability I guess. There were a few long term, a few marriages... Whatever. One thing never changed in my eyes- my mom was always left alone, sad, hurt, & most of the time she was left in a hole that she had to climb out of. I could be completely wrong... But as a child, that's what I saw. My conclusion was that I would never depend on a man for anything. I would not be my mother. I didn't even want kids. I didn't want to get married. That kind of love didn't really exist... Only in movies & storybooks. As a small child, I planned to live the remainder of my life as a single woman. No children. No husband. No problems. No pain. Present day: I don't know if my childhood or my life experience with men has caused me to be the way I am or if I'm just "wired" this way. If someone hurts me, I hurt them back. If I feel like I'm losing somebody, I'll leave first. If there's a fight, I have to win. If they expose me for one thing, I expose them for many. There's so much more. Later. None of it is right... But it's the truth. I have never needed a man, but I have never gone more than a few months without one. I have always been the one to walk away or run away. Whichever I felt necessary. I've always had a valid reason to end a relationship: Infidelity and/or abuse. Those were my 2 surface reasons. My emotions on the inside were the real reasons. I wanted to start over. I tried starting the relationship over.. You know, fresh start type thing. But it never worked. It was too far destroyed to develop.

#destruction #development #selfishselfishselfish #flashback #thoughtsrightnow

blank pages.

blank pages staring at me...

as though I have filled it with everything that is in my head...

but my fingers wont allow me to ...

let my buried feelings and thoughts seep through...

once it’s out there ...

then it becomes real...

instead of this figment of my imagination ...

that I’ve grown so accustomed to...

I’d rather these pages continue to stare...

judging me...

for not having the strength ...

to put all of these emotions out there...

instead I’ll let them come through the night...

in my dreams...

then as the sun rises...

quickly forgotten...

buried again, until nightfall...

then I wonder why I’m stuck with sleepless nights...

battling an internal demon...

that I cannot seem to erase from my memory...

if only those moments were not...

the happiest that I have ever been...

carefree...

no longer caged...

restricted...

but me...

Finding out what it was like to really be me ...

when I was with him...

somehow he was able to bring that out ...

it is a lesson I’m still coming to grips with...

how do I move on from something like that?

so I’ll continue to stare...

at these blank pages...

hoping that one day...

I’ll have the courage to fill them ...

with my happiest moments...

that I’ve ever had...

when I was furthest away from home...

and from the me, that I’ve always known.

#poetry #thoughtsrightnow #aboutaboy

All in time.

Being in another country gives you an insane amount of moments to reflect. To determine where you are going. Reflect to where you’ve been. How far you’ve come. Through all of this, never any answers as to WHERE you are going. Reflection. That inner peace and guidance that I’m looking for just doesn’t seem to come. I’m realizing it is a daily journey. Not as instantaneous as everything else in my life has been. All in time. The answers will be provided. One by one this puzzle of life reveals itself to me. Each answer that is given I’m thankful. Blessed. Continuing on this journey of life. Leaving the wondering behind, and just learning to BE.

#thoughtsrightnow #farfromhome

sprung.

Missing you....

Not the thought of you....

But to be near of you....

The sound of your voice...

your laugh ...

the way you got excited...

your eyes lighting up...

when talking about your music...

when you hesitated to tell me about your past...

then...