#thread: cole.

[clownfields]

cole thrives in the spotlight, in a way that's almost similar to his father — but for such different reasons. cole connects with the community, arthur hill expects to own it. cole likes giving his annual speech, the antithesis of everything his father's said earlier that day, the only way he knows how to stick it to him that isn't direct in a way that's bound to get him in trouble. at least here, the kids are on their own, he can try to lead them into something better than his father. the satisfaction is written all over his face after he hands the mic back, steps off the stage and into the party, stopped by various pats on the back and fist bumps, all met with cole's familiar, warm grin.

but he'd spotted a specific face in the crowd mid-speech, momentarily fumbling over his words and recovering with a swift joke, and that's who he looks for now. he's never sure if he should expect rust at a party like this, so when he sees him, it's hard not to assume that it's for him. maybe it's presumptuous, considering most people really are here for him, but — there's really only one person that would make that feel like a victory for him, and he's here, in a crowd that cole may typically not get the chance to talk to him directly. it's his party, though, so he doesn't hold himself back from walking up directly to @baypen, charming grin on his face, the other guests of the party forgotten as soon as he's face to face with him.

"hey, ruston." it's so casual that anyone might think that they're still friends, but cole's nice to everyone, and maybe it doesn't feel too different than any other interaction. for once, he's not allowing himself to overthink it. "glad you could make it, man." he brings his hand up, gently patting his arm, his fingers instinctively lingering there before he drops it again, trying not to let himself get worked up about such a small thing. "—you want a drink?"

[clownfields]

@baypen (🌽) "come on, bickering is what we do. it's fun."

[clownfields]

he's reached the part of his inebriation where he typically starts begging rust for his reassurance, whining a paranoid 'do you still like me?' like he doesn't know the answer. he does, he's always known, but some nights he's just desperate to hear it, to remind himself that arthur didn't steal everything from him: he still has this life with rust, he still gets to know what it's like to love and be loved, and that's something he'll always get to have over his father.

@baypen 💬 "i never not wanted you."

his attitude suddenly shifts, a grin spreads over his features like he's won, and he reaches his hand over to playfully boop at rust's nose. "knew it," he mutters, satisfied, drunk, and smiling up at rust expectedly, like he's waiting for him to go on. "you do like me. even when i'm annoying," he insists, raising a brow as if waiting for some indication that he agrees, cole's sometimes annoying, and he's admitting: he knows he is.

[clownfields]

cole's mostly keeping to himself these days, not trying to distance himself from his friends but not yet willing to get back into the videos, and it seems like those two things kind of go hand-in-hand; he can't hang out with his friends without feeling the pressure to perform. his sister died in the last video he 'starred' in — cole's not feeling eager to get back to it any time soon, and the only way that he feels like he can get away with that is if he takes a break from them entirely.

that doesn't mean he's not still paying attention, rolling his eyes as he hears one of his peers yell that matt's fighting someone. of course he is, and cole feels an instinctual responsibility to stop it (because it's always up to him to keep his friends in line, isn't it? but he clearly hasn't done a good job of that lately, and... when has matt ever really listened to him, anyway?) he tells himself not to pay attention to it, some part of him expecting this to be some desperate attempt from matt to get cole's attention in the first place, but then —

"redneck rust is gonna kill him! he's fucking crazy!"

cole's head shoots up the same way it always does when he hears the nickname, but his stomach drops as he processes the rest of the words, learning who matt's fighting. or rather.... rust is fighting him?

he follows in the direction everyone's attention is, trying to piece together what's going on from the other comments his peers are making around him. he shoves people out of his way until he sees the two boys on the floor — matt so small compared to rust that cole can barely make him out, all he can see is ruston on top of him, punching him, seemingly no end in sight. his stomach drops, eyes shooting up to tucker nearby, who gives him an innocent shrug that says 'what am i supposed to do?' janet's next to him, filming, surely satisfied to see matt get his face punched in. and ronnie, next to her, seems to be attempting to coach matt from the sidelines, and doing it poorly.

and no one seems willing to stop @baypen.

"rust!" he yells, desperately trying to assess the situation. he's always made it clear to his friends that rust is off limits from the pranks, and while he doesn't expect matt of all people to spare rust, he can't ignore what's happening in front of him, mind drifting back to what cole had told rust recently, how frustrated he was with his friends and how awful they were making him feel, and he felt bad for how he talked about them, but he trusted rust with it. trusted that he wouldn't do anything. and some logical part of him knows that he wouldn't, but — all he can think now is that he's hitting matt because of what cole said, and that makes him feel sick.

he moves in closer, arms stretched out as he tries to figure out how to stop him, worried that rust either won't hear him or won't recognize him when he reaches out. "rust—" he yells again, shaking his head and almost immediately correcting himself, saying a name that rust knows only he would use. "RUSTY! stop!" he cries out at the same time as he finally grabs onto the arm he's punching matt with, both hands using all his strength to hold him back, to get him to stop and focus on him instead.

[clownfields]

it's usually easier to spend his time with mikayla at parties, where there's plenty of people and things to do to act as a buffer, rarely ever giving them a moment alone together. it's not that he doesn't like her — he does, but he never really knows what to do when they're actually alone together. he tells himself that's normal, because... this works. it's the most comfortable he's been dating anyone, and he doesn't dwell on the fact that there's nothing natural about their relationship. what does he have to compare it to, anyway? matt and ronnie are clearly in a league of their own, his parents were never a good example, and the only real experience cole has with romance is... with ruston. though 'romance' and 'ruston' are two words he's never really allowed himself to pair together, too afraid of where it would lead.

it's not so easy to fall into this role when he sees @baypen — he'd thought this was a safe place away from him, where he didn't have to think about rust catching him doing something he technically is allowed to do, yet it still feels wrong if rust witnesses it, suddenly all too aware of eyes on him — especially when it feels like rust is doing it intentionally, like he's trying to give him some kind of message.

which just makes cole feel shame, stuck between wanting to tell rust to just leave and wanting to beg rust to leave with him, because now that he knows he's here, he can't think of anything else — so much so that he's only just now realizing that mikayla hasn't been by his side in a while now. maybe if he were a better boyfriend, catching her across the room with her supposed nemesis would make him step in and save her from it, but selfishly, he's only thinking about how this is an opportunity to figure out where the fuck rust went.

he starts to wonder through the house, trying to prepare for how he'll greet him when he does find him, because he can't outright admit he was looking for him, but there's a part of him that wants rust to know it anyway. he's also aware that rust could've left by now, but cole's determined to check every corner of this house until he knows for sure, because he won't be able to calm down until he gets some interaction with rust tonight, like he'll be able to squash the misplaced guilt if he does.

a bedroom is the last place he expects him, hesitantly opening the door in case he's walking in on some of his peers hooking up — so when he sees someone in the room, he jolts, mumbling a 'shit,' until he realizes it's the person he was looking for, and now, it's time for him to try to be nonchalant. "oh," he says quietly, offering a charming grin — his usual, performative gesture that almost instantly transitions into something more genuine that's always been reserved for rust. "sorry, didn't mean to interrupt, uh, whatever you were doing in here." was he in here because of cole...? did he come to this party because of cole? "are you trying to take a nap or something, ruston? not really how these parties work," he tries to tease, getting closer to the real question: why are you here? "don't usually see you here," he says instead, trying to prompt him, cole attempting to be casual in the way he steps further into the room, allowing the door to close behind them, leaving them here alone. “…you okay, man? why are you hiding out here?” he asks, as if cole opening a bedroom door without his girlfriend by his side is any lsss suspicious.

[clownfields]

— LOCATION SHARED WITH RUSTY — [TEXT TO — Rusty] help [TEXT TO — Rusty] need you [TEXT TO — Rusty] dD?? [TEXT TO — Rusty] (IMG) [TEXT TO — Rusty] hi rusty =) Please

the attached photo of cole grinning was probably unnecessary — but even in his current state,   cole’s aware that his series of messages were probably enough to concern someone as protective as he thinks rust is,   and he didn’t actually want to scare him.   cole’s fine,   he’s just had enough of ed’s impromptu barn party and his current company that he needed to get out,  and it’s not just that he knows rust is a reliable DD without any proper preparation — it’s that he wanted to see rust.  

@baypen ➡️ [GUIDE] in the process of guiding the receiver through a crowded place, the sender’s hand protectively grazes against the small of their back.

he planned to wait for rust outside,  but he’d gotten distracted— so much so that when he sees rust in the crowd,   his face lights up like he’s surprised he’s here,   until he gets closer and rust is ushering him out of the party.     he doesn’t complain,   especially when he feels rust’s hand on his back,   his own hand immediately sliding into the pocket of rust’s jacket and walking with rust as if this is his boyfriend,  and this happens all the time — maybe,  in a world where cole could actually let that happen.

“i didn’t say bye to anyone,”   he mumbles,   but a laugh follows,   like it’s clear he doesn’t actually care to speak to anyone now that rust is here.   he’d rather sneak out quietly,   spend the rest of the night with rust… or even just a car ride,  because even the smallest interactions with rust can get cole through the hardest days.   but with rust’s truck in view now,   cole starts to laugh,   pointing towards where he’d left his own car.   “you don’t wanna drive mine?”   he whines,   grinning despite it.   “no,  you’d hate it.  your truck,”   he settles on,  as if that was up for debate.

[clownfields]

@baypen ➡️ [FALL]: receiving a sudden and forceful embrace from the cole, rust stumbles and falls to the ground while still hugging them.

with a reaction like this to rust returning home, it would seem like rust had been gone for days, weeks, years — not just a few hours, but it felt like much longer than that when cole knew who he was with. logically, he knows he doesn't have to worry about rust being interested in anyone but him — he spent most of his life waiting to be with cole — but cole can't ever quite shake the thought that someday, rust might see cole as a burden, a bigger risk than anything he'd be better off letting go of instead of holding onto, finally resenting him for all the pain rust has had to endure because of who cole was.

it doesn't help that perry looks like that and seems to be the perfect kind of guy for rust. sure, maybe just as a friend, but cole had spent all day ready to remind rust that he's got so much love waiting for him at home.

which he does by practically tackling him to the ground the second he catches him, immediately running out their front door and jumping into his arms in their lawn, stumbling backwards until they're both slamming to the ground. it's clumsy, rough, cole's body likely taking less of a beating that the boy underneath him now, but he doesn't care, immediately bringing his hands to rust's shoulders and keeping him pinned down, peppering kisses all across his cheeks, his jaw, then quick ones to his lips to welcome him home, finally.

[clownfields]

the second jim and sybil leave rust's hospital room, cole's head quickly turns to @baypen, his hand finding his to hold like it's the most natural thing in the world. "they looked at me weird when i said i'm your boyfriend." which isn't surprising, considering it's the first time he's said it to anyone, including rust, something they hadn't discussed — but that's what this is, isn't it? it makes him start to smile, his thumb brushing over rust's knuckles, because he expects him to be just as surprised. "you did, too," he points out in a softer tone, but his voice still hoarse and cracking.

it's an indication that he's still here for a reason, not out of obligation for what rust did, but— because he wants him. because he's ready. "you asked me a question a few years ago. feel like it's probably time for you to try again," he encourages, giving him a hopeful smile. "i like your odds a lot better this time."