Oct 10, 2025
hi again thunderhawk
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hi again thunderhawk
shitpost
it’s spreading
avengers assemble thunderhawk was genuinely so peak. clint was always being (accidently) ragebaited. thor was trying to flirt but had no idea how to make his attraction to clint obvious by mortal standards. they have so much chemistry and they're both so fucking dumb. MARVEL GIVE THEM BACK TO MEEEEEEE
The thunderhawk gunship is a great example of the adage "Anyone can build a bridge that stands. Only an engineer can build a bridge that barely stands".
What do I mean?
The thunderhawk gunship is not a well-designed aircraft. It's shaped like a brick, and was very clearly designed with atmospheric flight being more of an afterthought than the primary goal. It generates lift via vectored thrust, its "wings" are actually glorified weapons pylons and its actual wings are tiny by comparison, and if we tried to build something like that in the real world, it would probably not get off the ground (and if it did, it would not have much flight range).
It also, across the board, outperforms most real-world aircraft, especially anything comparable in size. It can reach speeds of up to 2000 kph at 5,000 feet above sea level--the F-35 Lightning can only reach that speed at high altitude. It can fly at that speed, with it's terrible aerodynamics, without its wings shearing off. It has a flight range of twenty-eight thousand kilometers purely in-atmosphere.
The thunderhawk is a case of its designers full-on brute forcing pretty much all of its capabilities. It needs to go mach 1.6 at low altitude? Give it stronger engines! Going that fast would make the wings shear off? Make them out of something stronger! It's too heavy? Vectored thrust on the bottom! Anti-Air missiles? Just put more armor on it! We're the Mechanicum! We don't care about cost! Praise be to the Omnissiah!
Hawkeye do be loving Thor's honkers
Man Clint gets all the special arrows from every lover ever doesn't he. Natasha, T'Challa, Tony, Thor, Cupid that one time---
“There are extra cubes for Nova in the fridge and a few hard metal treats in the cupboard,” Thunderclash recounted everything, “but, are you sure-?”
“Don’t worry, Thunders,” Starhawk smiled and reached for his larger, blockier hand. The large bot slightly jumped at the surprisingly solid grip, “I’ve gotten better at interacting with physical objects. I can take care of Novabird if he needs anything.”
A small squeak escaped Thunderclash as the ghost reached up and gave the brim of his helm a quick cold kiss, “you go out and have a nice date with Roddy, ok?”
“Uh-uh huh,” Thunderclash dumbly nodded and stepped back towards the door, “t-take care.”
“Have fun,” Hawk waved the large mech off, watching him leave with the smaller flame colored mech.
Now alone, the ghostly flier went to check on the sparkling. Novabird was still sleeping, and hopefully would for a few hours. Though at the same time, Hawk wished he could play with his son now that it was just the two of them. Nova couldn’t see him, but the way the little guy laughed and squealed in delight as his toys seemingly flew over his head brought the phantom much joy.
Though playtime with Nova was often short as Rodimus would quickly investigate what all the commotion was, and Starhawk would have to hurriedly put the toys back down before he opened the door.
Oh well, there was other stuff a ghost could do to pass the time. Like a bit of tidying up.
He couldn’t do any deep cleaning of course, that would be too conspicuous. Instead Hawk went about doing small tasks, like straightening pictures, or picking up small bits of unnoticed garbage and tossing them into the bin.
Such small chores were quickly finished and Starhawk went to sit on the couch in the living room. Thunderclash had left a datapad on one of the arms for Starhawk to read through to pass the time.
The ghostly jet was about half an hour into his reading when a sound caught his attention. Small rattling and then a door being forced open a few moments after.
Someone was breaking in.
Immediately Starhawk rushed to investigate. Walls were no obstacle as he just phased through them to get to Rodimus and Thunderclash’s bedroom. The window had been opened and the intruder (or even intruders) entered the home from there. He could hear them going through some of the items in the hallway closet.
Panic setting in, Hawk rushed for Novabird’s room. There were two intruders. He didn’t recognize them, but that didn’t matter. They were making their way to the sparkling’s room.
“Frag, frag!” Hawk hissed. Nova’s door didn’t have a lock and he couldn’t yet pick up heavy items like shelves to block it. He looked at the sleeping sparkling in the crib. He doubted he could pick him up to move him to a safe hiding spot, but he’d be damned if he didn’t try.
The phantom’s fingers curled under Novabird, slightly lifting him up. Nova’s face scrunched up at the cold hands trying to pick him up and grunted unhappily.
“Shh shh! Stay quiet little Nova,” Hawk pleaded. His fingers were starting to phase through the little body, “oh please oh please oh please-!”
“Oh, what do we have here?”
No!
Starhawk gasped as his fingers gave, and Novabird plopped back into his cushioned crib. The short drop startled the sparkling awake and he shrieked. The two intruders hissed at the sudden cry.
“Uhg, noisy little thing,” the shorter of them snarled, rubbing at their audial. Their partner merely hummed and approached the crib. Starhawk instinctively shielded his crying son with his frame, yet the stranger could not see him.
“Go away, go away!”
“This is Rodimus’ kid, right?” Hawk gagged as a hand went right through his head as the stranger held a digit out to the sparkling. Novabird grabbed the intruder’s finger, still crying but starting to calm down.
“Yeah. What of it?” Short One joined their partner next to the crib, but kept their hands on their hips, “nasty little vermin.”
Starhawk growled at the comment and tried to swat the other mech’s hand away from his son.
“Rodimus is a Prime, right?” Creepy One smiled down at Novabird, wiggling their captured finger, “and Primes have money, right?”
“I guess. Thunderclash at least has money. I think.”
Starhawk did not like where this seemed to be going.
“And I’m sure little guy’s parents love him lots,” Creepy’s smile widened, “enough to pay lots of money to get their bundle of joy back home safe and sound.”
Shorty’s eyes widened and their grin mirrored Creepy’s, “oh, I gotcha. Much easier than stealing junk.”
Hawk’s vision went red.
“Do noT TOUCH HIM!”
The duo recoiled in surprise, and Novabird screamed again.
“What was that?” Shorty looked around, “you heard that too, right?”
“I didn’t hear it,” Creepy frowned, “but I felt something.”
The phantom lunged at Creepy, talons extended as he slashed at the mech’s chest. The intruder yelped as lines appeared in his paint.
“GET OUT!” Hawk snarled, Shorty shrinking back at his voice.
“Who’s there?” They whimpered pathetically, looking around, “show yourself!”
Creepy jumped forward and scooped Novabird up from his crib, holding the screaming sparkling up, “don’t try anything stupid, or the kid gets it!”
The room shook with a furious growl and the shadows seemed to grow larger and darker, crawling towards the intruders. In the darkness, they could just make out the shape of a mangled jet, and a pair of yellow eyes glaring at them.
Novabird shrieked as he squirmed in the stranger’s rough hands, trying to pry their fingers off of him.
“PUT HIM BACK.”
“Who… what are you?” Shorty hid behind their larger partner. The figure grew more distorted as the room again trembled with the phantom’s rage. The two backed towards the door anxiously.
“PUT. HIM. BACK.”
A black hand shot out and shut the door before the two could escape. Shorty wailed and all but collapsed to their knees in fear, while Creepy barred their teeth and stood defiantly.
“It’s a demon!” They hissed, eyes wide. They held Novabird up like a shield, “a messenger of Unicron!”
“I’ll show you demon,” Hawk snarled, broad wings flaring and engulfing the room completely in his rage.
Creepy was unable to see anything, not even the sparkling they were holding right in front of them. It felt like cold hands snatched the child away, and they could hear Shorty screaming and crying and begging for mercy.
“This isn’t real,” they whispered, “you can’t hurt us, you’re not real!”
“Not real?”
Moonlight returned to the room and the black figure was standing at the crib, the sparkling tucked in and sleeping soundly, despite having been crying only a moment ago.
Creepy glanced at their cowering partner, then to the phantom, their spark pounding behind their scratched chest plates.
“Not real?” The phantom repeated, eyes narrowing, “you’re stupid.”
The intruder frowned, stepping back, though their heel hit the wall.
Hawk stepped around Nova’s crib, his frame solid yet flowy like fire as he approached Creepy, “enough of my spark wants to stay behind to guard my family from the likes of you vermin. I’ve picked up a few tricks here and there, but there’s one thing I really want to test out on you tonight.”
“What?” Creepy pressed themself against the wall as cold hands grabbed his shoulders, “what are you-?”
“I’m experimenting,” Starhawk smiled as his frame dissipated, almost appearing to sink into Creepy’s chassis.
Shorty hesitantly lowered their arms and looked up at their partner, seeing their frame seize up and their eyes go white.
“H-hey. What’s wrong?”
Creepy blinked, their eyes dimming to yellow, and turned to look down at the cowering mech.
“Nothing is wrong,” they smiled, seeming oddly pleased with themself, “I’m just glad this worked.”
“What are you talking about? Hey!” Shorty yelped as Creepy grabbed their arm and yanked them up, restraining them in a tight hug, “what are you doing??”
“I’m going to make sure you both pay for this,” Hawk hissed, “I can’t believe you two, breaking into someone’s home and plotting to kidnap their child? Barbaric.”
“Y-you’re-?”
“Roddy’s late husband,” the possessed mech smiled as they exited the baby’s room and made their way to the living room, “and that sparkling is my son.”
Shorty let out a strained whine as Creepy sat down on the couch with them still in their arms, “this is crazy. What are you gonna do to us?”
“Call my boyfriend,” Hawk answered simply.
Shorty made a face.
“Thunderclash,” the phantom clarified, then went silent as he seemingly made his call.
…
Thunderclash and Rodimus burst frantically into their home, but froze as soon as they saw the pair of intruders seated on their couch. The larger was stiff as a board, one arm wrapped around the other mech, and the other hand clasped over their mouth to keep them quiet.
“I… what is this?” Rodimus looked up at Thunderclash, who merely shrugged.
“Go check on Novabird, Rodimus. I can take care of these two.”
The speedster didn’t need to be told twice as he ran for Nova’s room. Thunderclash cautiously approached the couch, eying the strangers warily.
“…Starhawk?”
He nearly jumped when the bigger mech turned their head to look at him, and smiled.
“Hey Thunders. How was the date?”
“It… was fine. Until I got the call.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves. Shame these two idiots had to cut it short,” Starhawk frowned and glared at the trembling mech in his arms, “now, could you please restrain them? I’m actually really fraggin tired and it’s getting harder to move in this body. It’s also really gross in here and I want out.”
“Oh! Of course!” Thunderclash hurried to grab some tape and rope from the supply closet and was able to quickly tie up the intruders' wrists and ankles, freeing the phantom from having to possess one of them and then calling the police to arrest them.
It didn’t take long for the cops to show up and take the trembling pair away. The short one kept on blabbering on about something regarding shadows and spirits, but no one was paying any attention. Certainly not Thunderclash anyway.
With the thieves turned almost kidnappers taken care of, Thunderclash was able to join Rodimus in Novabird’s room. The speedframe had scooped the bitty out of his crib and was pacing back and forth, holding him close to his chest and muttering to the confused and sleepy sparkling. Thunderclash frowned as he watched Rodimus fret and carefully approached.
“How’s Nova?”
Rodimus stopped his pacing and swallowed. His voice cracked as he responded, “he’s okay. He’s unharmed.”
“Thank goodness for that,” Thunderclash sighed as he stepped closer. Rodimus shuddered and all but collapsed into the larger mech’s arm, “whoa!”
“We could’ve lost him, Thunders!” He gasped, “those bastards could’ve taken him away and we’d never see him again!”
Thunderclash hugged the smaller mech closer, glancing down at Novabird. The little bitty was staring back up at him with large blue eyes, confused and curious. The thought of returning to an empty crib made his lines run cold, “but he’s here, Rodimus. He’s here and he’s safe and no one will ever harm him.”
“We never should’ve left him alone,” Rodimus buried his face against Thunder’s neck, “never again, never never never…”
Thunderclash opened his mouth. He wanted to tell him that Nova hadn’t been left alone, that he was being guarded at all times. He caught sight of Hawk’s ghost, watching them from the other end of the room. His figure was faded and most of his features looked half remembered.
“I don’t think he’d believe you,” Starhawk’s wings drooped as he shook his head, “and it might only hurt him to know anyway.”
Thunderclash shut his mouth with a frown. Alright. Maybe another time then.
Arrival by Ragnarok6664