All the way back in February my friends at THXBUD wrote a great guide to what to do with yourself if the Kings missed the playoffs. (THEY ARE FUCKING BRILLIANT PROGNOSTICATORS, PEOPLE.)
I have a real like more serious post about my hockey feels coming later this weekend, but in the meantime all of these are great:
Coachella. The music festival is already sold out, but you can use all that money you were saving up for the 2015 playoff games to get something through resale. Drake is one of the headliners, and he’s a fan of every sports team. He’s probably going to debut an entire album dedicated to Leafs heartbreak any day now. You can be among the first listeners. Bourgie day trips. Hello! This is Southern California! Go to Catalina. Spend an afternoon enjoying Malibu Wines. Have brunch every weekend and eat so much pricey chilaquiles washed down with bottomless mimosas that you need to spend the second half of May hiking up to Griffith Observatory in your Shape-ups. Stand on top of that dang mountain, shout “THE LOS ANGELES KINGS WON THE STANLEY CUP TWICE IN THREE YEARS AND THEN FINISHED IN THE BOTTOM THREE IN THE WEST!!” and demand the universe just finish you off right then. How much more can your heart take? Fall to the ground as you scream. Cry until the California drought is happening right on your face. Realize that this is Los Angeles. Realize that most people are still more concerned about how embarrassing the Lakers are. Get up. It’s okay. You’ll be okay. Gay Pride. The Kings threw two different parades last year, so going from that to none could be pretty rough. Luckily the LA Pride parade happens in early June every year, and there’s enough purple confetti and streamers that it’s basically the same thing. Wear your jersey and some booty shorts. Work it like a champion.
for real though, there is no excuse for Bailey (and players) not to be in the goddamned Pride Parade this year.