There are lots of reasons why I can keep poking at a bit of writing I did and still be endlessly dissatisfied with the way it looks, but at least lately, it's been primarily the product of one of the following:
Telling instead of showing; in this case, short-cutting things and telling the reader stuff without actually delving into the character/narrator's reaction/thoughts about it, which are often critical, and also add flavor and readability
The characters behaviors are not necessarily out of character, but they are out of theme.
Okay, so I think the first bullet is self-explanatory, but maybe the second one isn't. Here is my most recent example of this:
Five characters are tromping through a forest together. I sort of skimmed through this forest tromping in a few sentences, which...frankly, I could have skipped instead and just cut to where they were going, but I didn't want to. Wanted to emphasize that they are truly in the middle of nowhere and build up to where they were going.
(There's something to be considered for having a chapter just open with horror, but it doesn't really lead off in a way that would work)
Two of these characters are rapidly growing into a QPR with each other, and one of them has wings and kept running into tree branches. In the previous version of this, I had his zucchini (do people still use this term?) brush the tree branches aside. This kind of quiet care and taking care of problems is very in keeping with the kinds of things he does in general.
But. There's a fairly intense thread in this book about where people are from and what home is and how people are products of where they come from, and etc. And both members of this QPR are from cities (as is a third character), while the other two are more adjusted to wilderness.
So, okay. Having one of the city kids handle the trees probably doesn't quite match up with the overarching story, even if it's in character.
So instead I kind of replaced it with them both struggling through the trees together (and the third city kid making her own complaints). And it fits a little better with the themes of the stories. So I think it works better.
Anyway. Back to edits.