I was thinking about Midge and Lenny while working on a new chapter of “Very Blue Lives” (it’s on ao3, please go read and review. I need validation like Lenny and Midge need each other).
Anyways, I was thinking about Midge and Lenny in Miami and why Midge turned Lenny down.
Sure the bs Vegas train wreck just happened, and Carol kind of freaked her out, but those answers are boring.
First of all, he’s weirdly reluctant to talk about her career. In Miami, whether she knows it or not, Lenny’s avoidance to discuss her career is part of the reason she walks away. Flash forward to the blue room, he’s making it clear that he listens to her and promises to take her seriously, and that’s when she decides “yes, okay. Let’s see what’s between us.”
She needs him to take her seriously as a comic, and once she realizes that he does, she’s willing to be vulnerable with him as a woman.
And that’s a great step for Midge, who isn’t taken seriously personally or professionally, especially by people she loves.
HE ASKED. SHE ANSWERED. SHE MADE THE DECISION WITH NOT A SHADOW OF ANOTHER DOUBT IN HER EYES. THEY WALKED INTO THIS WITH EYES OPEN. IT IS WHAT IT IS. THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. THEY ARE EACH OTHER. SHE SPOKE AT THE BEGINNING “I NEED TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS” BUT THAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE WRONG DIRECTION. YES, THE SNOW AND THE RAID AND THE HOTEL WERE SPONTANEOUS, BUT NOTHING ABOUT THEM IS SPONTANEOUS. THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. EVEN IN THEIR UNCERTAINTY AND DESTITUTION THEY KNOW. MIAMI WAS TOO SOON AND NOT QUITE RIGHT. THIS WAS RIGHT. THEY VERBALISED AND CONSUMMATED THE DECISION THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MAKING UNAWARES. MIDGE REALISED SPONTANEITY WAS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDED AFTER ALL. SHE NEEDED SOMEONE SHE COULD TRUST TO LOOK OUT FOR HER, TO BE HONEST WITH HER, TO INSPIRE HER. SHE NEEDED CERTAINTY AS MUCH AS SHE NEEDED SPONTANEITY, AND HE IS BOTH OF THOSE THINGS. EVERYTHING HE FEELS ABOUT HER IS CERTAIN. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN GOD. SCARED TO FOLLOW A WOMAN? ALWAYS AND EVERYWHERE. I CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FUNNY TO SAY. NEITHER CAN I. KIND OF NICE ISN’T IT? DO I HAVE A HAIR OUT OF PLACE? I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU. YOU ARE LOVELY. I AM TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU. YOU PAID ATTENTION. TO YOU? ALWAYS. IT’S ALWAYS THE PRETTY ONE’S WHO TRY TO KILL YOU. I IMAGINE THERE ARE A GREAT MANY THINGS ABOUT YOU THAT MEN FIND WILDLY ATTRACTIVE. ARE YOU READY? SURE YOU ARE. I HAVE SOMEONE HERE THAT I LOVE DEARLY; ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE MYSELF. ALL ALONE. MAYBE SO YOU CAN HAVE SOMEBODY TO CALL. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING YOUR UMBRELLA. YOU’LL BREAK MY FUCKING HEART. MAYBE SOMEDAY, BEFORE IM DEAD. ITS A DATE.
So I might figuratively be on crack but I think Joel Maisel succeeds at being what Logan Huntzberger wished he was.
Like, they do have some significant differences (Joel isn’t nearly as rich although he comes from wealth, there’s the difference in age and profession) but they also kind of have the same dna: wealthy confident guys who cheat on their loves (leading to an on-and-off relationship and muddy romantic waters) and feel strangled by their families and the family business.
The thing is, Joel takes action. You could argue that Logan does too, but taking AYITL into account he quickly returns to his family’s wealth and passive security, even going along with their choice of bride. Meanwhile Joel steps up to save his own family business against his father’s wish, takes accountability for what he did to Midge, and acknowledges that the two don’t work well romantically because they would hold each other back — while still accepting and supporting her.
Logan Huntzberger is what Joel Maisel could have become if he didn’t take accountability. Joel Maisel is what Logan Huntzberger doesn’t realize he needs to be.
HERE IS WHY MIDGE/LENNY COULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IN MIAMI AND WHY CARNEGIE WAS PERFECT:
Miami was a pipedream. Lenny orchestrated this “perfect evening:” comedy club, atmospheric dance and drinks, taking her back to his motel. It was spontaneous and perfect, but it was entirely isolated. Impermanent. Lenny said he was “living there” but was renting a shitty motel per week. Midge was on tour. Sure, they were two ships passing in the night, but I think they both knew that they meant too much to each to just be that. They respected and honoured each other too much. They deserved more than spontaneity. They deserved more than impulse, and more than uncertainty.
In Carnegie, the cards were on the table. They gave mass to the dance they have been doing. The unspoken became spoken. Yes, the snow and the raid was unplanned and spontaneous, but the way they felt was not. Lenny was playing Carnegie Hall; he had a hotel room at the Mayflower painted blue just for him. Yes, it was still a hotel room, but it was as close to home Lenny could have. And like the first time, he didn’t push her into anything, but let her decide. He told her what he wanted to do and she agreed. It was no pipedream; no whirlwind evening of perfection and seduction. Something aligned to get them into that hotel room for them to touch that base. Everything was out in the open and no one had any illusions. They were comics. They were friends. They respected and inspired each other. And now, they were going to do something about their feelings.
That is why I am glad they didn’t get together in Miami and that Midge chose to leave. It wouldn’t have been right. The way it happened in the finale was perfect because it was entirely unplanned, yet felt so decisive. It showed in their faces. They knew exactly what they were going to do long before they decided to do it. It has been a lingering unspoken question over them since the beginning that they have both neglected to answer, until now. And when they answered it, it felt like no big revelation. It felt like something they have been doing all this time; just in different tones. And it shows on Midge’s face. There is no hesitation, but careful consideration. There is no uncertainty, but calm resolve. There is no shock, but a soft awakening. That was the difference between Midge in Miami VS Midge now. In Miami, she knew they deserved better than that. At Carnegie, she realised this was what they deserved. It felt right; like a gradual yet inevitable destination. As easy as a key turning into a lock.
i know you. you're complicated. you're lovely. i'm nothing like you. we're the same. i understand you deeply because you're me. we were meant to find each other. we never should have met. (this post by @tootiredmotel)
"what lenny would do"
being funny is central to how midge sees herself, and lenny is a part of her world of comedy. meeting him is one of the defining changes that launch her into a new life on yom kippur in the pilot. he represents the new path that opens up for her. he is, in many ways, her entry into comedy. he is the first professional act we see through her eyes, the first comic she actually meets, the key player in the gaslight show in which she becomes "mrs. maisel". and he is someone she aspires to be like.
she sees him as uncompromising, somehow unadulterated, at least ideologically, which i suppose is all that matters. ("wait a minute, you never compromise!") he sets a standard in her life, and she often tries to emulate him. ("i will only do gigs where i can say what i want. that's what lenny would do"). she sees him as much more than a comic, which is why he's also right in calling her out for making him some sort of a stand up messiah.
you don't even know who lenny bruce is! you blather on and on about free speech? he's out there getting arrested in the name of free speech. he's talking about things no one has the balls to talk about. you put down comedy and what I do? you don't even know what goes on out there. this guy is the real deal, but you just scoff and pretend that he's nothing. that is ignorant. you are ignorant. (3x01)
lenny bruce is someone she admires professionally, but also someone she admires ideologically. and she does cite his multiple arrests several times as a "badge of honor" of sorts, as proof that he's doing something important: in that one fight with her father, or when she introduces comedy to benjamin.
he's brilliant. he gets arrested for the things he says. can you imagine? arresting a comedian!
"yup... just like mine"
beyond her admiration for him, she has a sense that she is genuinely just like him. in these exchanges, she always draws a parallel between herself and lenny through comedy. "i'm a comedian [...] i go to clubs at night and tell jokes. [...] like lenny bruce"/ "you put down comedy and what i do?" it's subtle, but it's there. she even reminds him at carnegie hall that she believes that they are the same, that they want the same thing "why is it wrong for me to want to do the very same thing?" (mostly, she is scared that people believe it's wrong because she is a woman.)
and there is a sort of agreement between them that they are the same. two comics, on the same side of the microphone. they each know the other is brilliant, and they love to have that in common. the fact that they are oddly paired twins also creates a sort of allegiance between them, a profound trust that the other is destined for great things. i would even tend to believe that it makes the other's success partly their own. there definitely is a fairy godmother type relationship going on in which lenny does whatever he can to boost midge's career, but she reciprocates whichever way she can (bringing her umbrella, checking in on him, offering money, taking him home). this reciprocity also leads to the heavy consequence that the risk one takes affect them both. her cowardly hiding is so personal to him it almost feels like he is failing too, even as he has just had a triumphant night at carnegie hall. his success is not quite success if it is only his. he uses it as an opportunity to make hers happen faster.
in a way, being comics helps them define themselves (and their relationship) in comparison to others: they are funnier. they belong on the stage. they are not the faceless audience. they are in on a secret that no one else shares, in on a joke others don't understand.
and the secret is about authenticity - the truth in who they are. once the audience leaves, they lose the safety net it provides them, and they risk having to define themselves in relation to one another instead of being able to remain twin comics.
they could become just another man and woman: a terrifying prospect, as their bond goes beyond this binary. she won't have sex with him if it is simply going to flatten what they have to a one-dimensional boy/girl relationship. "you didn't want me to think of you as just a girl"/"i want you to know that i am feeling a little emasculated right now. i don't really mind it actually." also, not to go all linguistics student on you, but he also expresses a form of hesitancy about this type of binary before sleeping together. "i think there are many things about you men would find wildly attractive." he is in that male category, but the language implies that he isn't. i like it.
anyhow, what midge needs is for him to promise he will remember that they are the same. she won't lose his professional respect or his friendship. it's an unfounded fear, because this guy-meets-girl ready-made corporate-approved romantic trope has never existed between them. still, she claims her status as a comic to make extra sure, reasserting equality with him. he gives his word and he keeps it.
"i'm not the stand-up messiah"
lenny also uses the label "comic" as a way to claim equality, alternatively clinging to the term like a buoy or wielding it like a shield. until 4x08, this is something midge mostly misses.
one of his recurring problems is that people forget that he is a comic. he is no gandhi, he is no emma goldman. it bothers him to be seen like this, loved and hated for his clashes with the police, especially coming from midge, who is supposed to know better. midge's humor is "personal tinged by political" where lenny's is probably political tinged by personal, but they're both just entertainers, really. he won't have her imagine herself as being guided by whatever light he might shed. he wants so much for her, but he wants her to be independent. including from him.
i think it pains him that she might picture him as being above everything. "jesus christ, midge, what a fucking pedestal you put me on!" because it hurts her in the long run, and because it isn't true to who he is. although she admires him, the way she sees him before that confrontation reflects the way he is seen by audiences a bit too much in that respect. what he wants is not "to say whatever it is he wants to say," but for people to laugh. for them to show up at carnegie hall. "don't you want that?" again, despite having to set her warped perception of him and of the business upright, he never departs from the implicit truth which underpins everything: they are the same. he tells her she is more important than god and then he puts her on one of the most prestigious stages in new york city to discuss how she idealizes him. he puts her on the same stage he's just performed on. you should dig my point of view here, man.
he says "i'm a comic," and it is a call for her not to look up to him too much, blinded by her romanticized version of him. he says "i'm a comic," and it is a lecture so that she remembers they are equals in this. he says "i'm a comic," and it is an angry call for her not to look down on him.
no! do not make this about me. this is about you. you wanted me to remember you're funny, right? that night? you didn't want me to think of you as just a girl, you wanted me to think of you as a comic. well don't you forget that i'm a comic too. don't you dare look at me as someone to be pitied or helped or fixed, i do not want or need that, especially from you.
pity is so close to contempt. he didn't make her promise anything before they slept together and irrevocably acknowledged the complexity of their feelings for each other, but he is as serious as she is about what it means to be funny in this relationship. "next time you see me and you think i might need help just please keep walking." she is not "just a girl" and he is not "just a guy." there will be no pygmalion stories. she is not a star to be born from his regal nebula. he is not a broken addict she can fix. as comics, they must promise to keep looking at each other the way they always have, the way that has drawn them together: as two funny people who admire and respect each other's work. two people who understand each other. they're allowed to look, but they shouldn't touch, at least not to the point of steering. this is another attempt at trying to put boundaries and definitions on a relationship clearly very complicated to define, where neither can truly pinpoint what they are - or should be - to each other, and what roles they are allowed to assume in each other's lives.
"we're not supposed to. that's not how it works. we're comics!"
this is where lenny waking up at midge's and freaking out is significant. a lot of midge's act is just talking about her personal life. this post develops on midge and authenticity which definitely plays a huge part in most of her professional relationships. miriam completely misses that being "true" is not synonymous with putting no distance whatsoever between her real life and her stage persona. in season 1, she seems much more concerned with that distance (keeping her privacy locked behind ridiculous stage names like amanda gleeson) but she finally builds her stage self as a professional comic in a determined opposition to sophie lennon, who tells her:
"darling, look at you. i mean really... men don't want to laugh at you. they want to fuck you. you've got to be a thing. you want to get ahead in comedy? cover up that hole" (1x07)
so mrs. maisel is a woman on stage, and she talks about being a woman. being a daughter, being a mother, being married, being divorced, feeling estranged from certain expectations of womanhood. she does not want to become a thing for the entertainment of the public, she wants her public to know her and laugh with her about what truly is funny - life itself.
"lenny bruce doesn't have a character," but his act isn't about his own life either. this didn't use to be an issue between them. "you know, it's weird, i never picture you living anywhere. you just exist." at first, lenny is a sort of superior entity that lives in the background of her life, popping up from time to time, his frame emerging from the blurry decor in a puff of smoke. as midge progresses in her field, and as she sees more and more of him, she gets to see him more truly, and the feeling that they understand each other on a deeper level probably makes her think that she has access to most of his life the way she would make most of her life okay for him to see. because to her, comedy is so personal before it is professional, because she becomes independent through it. it's her "place to go" (1x03). comedy is hers. lenny's family life is personal, while comedy is more professional. they meet in the in-between. backstage. as two tired comics at the bar, as nervous performers encouraging each other.
but he doesn't talk to her about his daughter, and he does not want to discuss hers either. she can talk about it on stage, but it is weird for him to have her kids exist between them - because it takes their relationship away from their twin comedians thing. she doesn't see the boundary where she crosses it. "i don't understand what's going on here"/"you don't?" she's breaching an unspoken agreement that they are two comics first. creatures of the night. a family gathering around breakfast is a far stretch from the night scene they "just exist" in.
"i can't think of anything funny to say"
but they break these unspoken boundaries time and again, especially as the series progress. for the first time in season three, they truly look at each other outside of a professional setting. they're no longer predominantly filmed side by side, but face to face.
so. seeing each other as comics is essential to their mutual admiration, to their friendship, and to their proximity. therefore, it is essential to the safety in their relationship. but this becomes difficult to maintain as they seem to naturally shed their respective comic envelopes when they are together. this happens precisely because they are the same, in a way. they remember themselves in each other. she watches him on steve allen and it's funny for a moment before it becomes all too true.
they see beyond the performance and the wit and all the humorous tendencies that pull them together through somewhat inevitable revelations of vulnerability. i can't think of anything funny to say. it takes them aback for a moment, and then it just exists between them. they don't need the microphone anymore, they don't need to be each other's audience, they don't need to make each other laugh. they can just be. and it is a frightening thing, to just be. after season 2 though, there is no escaping it, everything comes clearer with the other and through the other. again, not to go music nerd on you guys but till there was you is a master choice of a song for their dance in 3x05 for two reasons. one, it's all about seeing. suddenly you can perceive everything you were blind to because the other person is here. it's a moment of absolute clarity, where the filter of comedy just vanishes. i never heard them at all till there was you [...] i never saw them at all till there was you. the second one is that the defining notes that open the melody are the same progression in the song lenny sings on the steve allen show and in till there was you. put that on your plate.
given the circumstances - with blurrier boundaries than ever and with an acquired conscience of just how clearly the other sees through them and their act - it makes a lot of sense that midge would start getting nervous about lenny seeing her act. her nervousness is mostly due to her self-consciousness because he knows her and sees her and they both know it. in that hotel room, they look at each other first, because they know. because most of what they have is looking. and then, they finally cross that last uncrossed threshold. jump in because they want it and have wanted it a while, because life is short and why the hell not. spontaneity and desire and such things. but that threshold is another easy boundary that they have now crossed. promises of maintaining them are almost impossible to keep (i lied. i'm only going to laugh at the end). in the blue hotel room, they re-establish the loco amor look - the till there was you moment of clarity - and then they move to a fresh embrace of someone to watch over me tenderness and belonging. after this, the friction that they've had throughout the season remains, and it all feels much rawer. she feels exposed on stage after miami and the apollo. he feels his day life and his drug problem are off limits. but he's seen her house and her show corset and she's taken off his tie and seen the case in his bathroom. their sensitivity to the other's gaze is only enhanced by their feelings for each other. "at the end," they have still let each other see so much. mortifying ordeal. arguably, their most intimate scene happens under the bright lights on the open stage, charged as it is from their night together (the watch over me tender belonging). it is the culmination of everything they are: behind the same microphone, but without an audience. two comics, unable to define themselves solely in relation to a faceless other. at night, but under lights bright as day. between entente and dispute. their night in the blue room doesn't flatten anything between them: it blows out and sharpens everything. their comic common denominator lives on, but their hearts are dangerously involved in the equation. they've paid too much attention.
