Dealing with historical pain
This is how my historical trauma affects me. It’s like a bolt from the blue, side sweeping my legs from under me when I am least prepared for it. It frustrates me that a conversation or incident in my life should send me reeling backwards, bringing with it a prevailing darkness. Perhaps if I hadn’t spent years in denial and self blame, these occasions would be fewer, or less painful. Maybe if I had processed my trauma earlier, I would be better able to handle those triggering situations now. The reality is that such occasions are relatively few, but they can be very painful and impactful. So, how does this effect my ability to be a therapist? I guess it may seem like my strong reaction to hearing of similar traumas may be a problem, but having reflected on this question I would disagree. Today, I was able to listen to my friend and offer support. I heard her pain as she spoke and focused on tuning in to how she was feeling in that moment . An awareness of my own experience came to mind and I acknowledged it and let it go. Once I was home I began to process the way that this encounter had affected me personally and decided to bring it to my next personal therapy session. This realisation feels encouraging. It’s ok to feel low when reflecting on my previous trauma, and it’s ok to need some support for that. It’s great to see that when necessary I can temporarily put this need to one side in order to provide support for someone else. With these things in mind. I am being especially kind to myself this afternoon. I’m concentrating on looking my pain and fear in the eye, accepting it and learning from it. I’m doing all I can to process this reminder of my historical trauma in order to best support my friend with her fresh pain.