Dale Tip #7: Encourage others to speak
Dale Tip #6: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Dale Carnegie used conversation stacking to develop conversational skills with the people he interacted with on a daily basis. He theorized that this skill helped him win influence over others because he showed compassion and genuine kindness through conversation. Well, as with conversation stacking, requires the skill of listening.
Active Listening is one of the hardest, most difficult things we try to do on a daily basis as humans in a “Me” generation. Its no secret that most of us care only about ourselves, sometimes to a fault, which explains high divorce rates, hyper-individualism, etc.
We don’t like listening to other people talk about their problems. Carnegie said, “Remember that the man you are talking to is a hundred times more interested in himself and his wants and his problems than he is in you and your problems.”
“His toothache matters more to him than a famine in China that kills a million people. A boil on his neck interests him more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation”
A Changed Soul
Before taking the Dale Course, I loved talking about myself – and I still do. But what I realized is – so does everyone else. I could bore a room full of nuclear scientists with my rambling. After taking the course and coaching myself through a few simple steps I became a much better listener.
1. Fight the urge to interrupt the other person’s thought. Let them talk about themselves because they are going to notice your astute listening skills and be more likely to help you in your endeavors.
2. Don’t Zone out, wear your active listening ears. Its not enough to just let your counterpart speak. There is no value in thinking about what you’re going to buy at the grocery store after work during a conversation in which you are trying to be genuine.
3. Process exactly what you just heard after each conversation. It pays to remember what grades your boss’ kids are in because when you take a genuine interest in others, they will reciprocate the favor.
What does this tell you, exactly? Well, its easy, LISTEN more than you SPEAK.
An organization runs on information, so what better way to learn what’s going on than following this principle? We must listen with everything we’ve got. How we listen says volumes about how we think. Be focused, engaged, and sincere.
Post back here with some comments about how this strategy worked for you.