Send me a word(s) - Accepting.
He’d always thought the notion of death and freedom being intertwined was a bit of a flimsy one. How could death possibly release one from their troubles…? If anything, death only seemed to be a chain reaction for creating even more troubles - the death of their parents had proved that time and time again to him. He didn’t know what exactly he expected the instant his hands touched the vines - some sort of punishment perhaps. Funny how this feels like the exact opposite of that.
His hands tremble wildly but instinctively, he keeps a hold on the thorns - trying to steady himself. His legs feel like a shaky foundation ready to collapse out from under him and his back feels heavy - as though he were Atlas himself, carrying the weight of the world on his back. Funnily enough it doesn’t hurt - not like he thought it would.
Had his parents’ death been instantaneous? Did they even have time to process the pain before their lives ended? He supposed it was a bit of a morbid thing to wonder but isn’t this whole situation rather morbid in the first place…? He won’t try to make any excuses, he knows he’s as good as done. Hanoi would have no reason to keep him alive regardless and he would rather take himself out of the equation willingly than be used as a hostage in their games.
This is the one choice he makes that is fully for himself. Not on behalf of SOL, not emotionally driven nor influenced by his sister or Emma, or anyone else. This is his one wholly selfish decision - his one, singular reward for so many years of living without any choice, without any control.
He has a lot of regrets - regrets at being unable to do more, being unable to properly articulate his feelings. Perhaps if he’d said things a little differently or not said anything at all, he wouldn’t be where he is now.
But as he sees the phantom of a tiny hand reaching out for his own, pigtails flapping as a tiny neck beckons for him to follow, he doesn’t hesitate to take it. Let him shed his weary old body behind. Where he’s going, he doesn’t need it anymore.