#trigger alert

[dunerun]

This is what Making America Great Again is all about !!! Eat sh!t, Liberal snowflakes...

[hangrypa]

I was charting in the staff lounge today when someone turned on the TV. And the channel was turned to the Kavanaugh trials.

I tried to tune it out. But as I charted, I couldn’t help noticing that the prosecutor asked something along the lines of, “During marriage counseling, you said you were previously assaulted. Did you bring up Kavanaugh’s name? Why not?”

There was a theme in the questioning. Why didn’t you tell someone? Why didn’t this come up during blank conversation? Why didn’t you tell blank who did this to you?

Then prosecution noted small inconsistencies in stories, like changes in statements with regards to how many people were at the party, etc.

I suspect that these questions are aimed at undermining the witness’s credibility, but honestly- and I never say this…they’re stupid questions.

I was in middle school when a “trusted” adult man did something that I still won’t discuss in detail. But I can tell you that- no, I can’t remember how many people were in the near vicinity. And, no, I didn’t tell anyone about it for the longest time. After all, he was a man in his 50s, and I wasn’t even a teenager yet. Who were people going to believe?

Eventually I did tell someone I trusted. To my horror, they didn’t believe me. Are you sure that happened? Are you sure that’s what he meant to do? Maybe you misinterpreted what he was doing.

Grown man taking a preteen girl into a room alone? And trying to keep quiet about it? There’s not much to misinterpret here.

And even though that was fewer than 20y ago, there are details I certainly don’t recall. Because all I felt in that moment was terror and shame. And wondering how I was going to get out of the situation. There wasn’t much room left in my being to remember much else.

Now, years later, I know that I wasn’t in the wrong. I know that he’s a predator. But would I testify against him? Honestly, I don’t know. He’s left the country, and our mutual acquaintances lost touch with him long ago. From working with abused children, I know the importance of reporting. I also know firsthand the horrifying experience of not being believed and having the tables turned on you.

As someone who’s been there, I believe that it can be difficult to find anyone who could recall the details of a personal trauma perfectly. I also think that there are very few sane people who would testify falsely against another individual because testifying about anything, especially on national TV, can turn your entire world upside down.

I’m by no means stating that every allegation is true. However, it’s important to be careful when questioning someone about a trauma. Remembering and coping with trauma is different for every individual. 

[hangrypa]

leave the kids out of it

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD 1-800-422-4453

As a PA student in her clinical year, I am not yet a licensed healthcare professional. But I already have seen too much when it comes to kids.

Live your life. Yeah, I get that. If your dumbass decisions affect only you, then fine. You can suffer your own consequences.

But when your horrific decisions affect kids, That’s a different story.

******************trigger alert******************

I’ll start with the more “mild” stuff. Mom brings in little kid to ED for something simple. It was some kind of viral respiratory thing. Really, he should have been fine. But he was abnormally quiet for his age. I looked at his chart. So many psych visits. But no clinical diagnosis (?) I read further. Mom and Dad are going through a bitter separation. Kid is caught in the middle. Not a moment later, the kid’s paternal grandparents come into the ED. And suddenly Mom and kid’s dad’s parents are at each other’s throats. Yelling. Shouting. Screaming. Clinical staff are quick to intervene. Telling them that the hospital is no place for this kind of behavior. But the damage is already done. The poor kid sits in the center of the giant hospital bed, curled up in a little ball. Crying.

It gets ugly. Someone brings an infant to us. The little one is inconsolable. “She rolled off the bed and hit her head.” This is already suspicious. Firstly, an infant should be in a crib, not an open bed. Secondly, 10-week-olds can’t do much of anything. Not even roll. There’s a giant bruise on the side of the little angel’s head. We send her for X-ray. I gasp when the results come back. Fractures. Everywhere. Old ones. And new ones.

And uglier. I watch the news one night. A group of kids were abandoned. Covered in urine and feces. I turn off the TV and head out the door for my rotation. A specialized pediatric unit. And when I get there,  I meet them. The group of kids from the news. My preceptor looks at me. We don’t even get a chance to talk. We spend the next 3 hours taking care of the kids. Feeding them. Cleaning burns and cuts. Bathing them. Dressing them in clean clothing. When I approach the youngest one, he screams. There’s a tug on the sleeve of my white coat. The screaming child’s older brother tells me, “Sorry, he doesn’t mean it. He’s scared because he doesn’t know you.” I take off my white coat and toss it aside. I turn back to the youngest sibling, “Can we play a game?” He stops crying for a moment to stare at me. I smile and raise my arms up to the sky. “Can you reach as high as you can?” He hesitates. But his older brother copies me, “See? Just like this!” The youngest one complies. And he lets me lift his shirt. Whipping scars. His ribs aren’t even pointed in the correct directions. Later after all the kids are fed and admitted for fluids and observation, I learn that one of them needs a blood transfusion. I finally ask my preceptor, “What the hell happened to them?” Dad used to charge people money. To watch him beat the kids.

These are only 3 stories from the past several months.  And they’re not even the worst of the worst.

In a previous post, I briefly mentioned my experience in pediatrics. There were several times when I had to step out of the room. And find a place to cry. Before pulling myself together. Going back into the room. And taking care of my patient.

But this isn’t about me. Words can’t even begin to describe the horrifying things these kids face. And they’re survivors. Brave, courageous survivors. Every. Single. Child.

As someone in healthcare, my job is to care for these kids. And it’s something I feel honored to do. Make sure they are cared for and safe While they are here in clinic. But once they’re out, Other than advocating for child abuse survivors, There’s nothing more I can do.

And this is where my sadness turns to anger.

WHAT KIND OF AN EXCUSE FOR AN ADULT DOES THIS?TO KIDS?

If you and your partner aren’t getting along, then resolve it maturely. Don’t flip out in front of your kid. Don’t tell your kid to tell the other parent that “she’s a whore.” Don’t tell your kid to tell the other parent that “all he cares about is the child support money.” Because you know who gets hurt the most in all of this? YOUR KID.

And this really, REALLY should go without saying, But the past few months have proven otherwise. DON’T HIT YOUR KID. DON’T SLAP YOUR KID. DON’T PUSH YOUR KID. DON’T WHIP YOUR KID. DON’T BURN YOUR KID. DON’T PEPPERSPRAY YOUR KID. DON’T PROSTITUTE YOUR KID. DON’T NEGLECT YOUR KID. DON’T TEST YOUR DRUGS ON YOUR KID. (Yes, I have seen all of the above.)

It doesn’t matter if you’re angry. it doesn’t matter if you’re feeling out of control. YOU DO NOT TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON A CHILD.

Every healthcare provider I've ever worked with Who has come across a child abuse situation Has volunteered to testify against the abuser. Because there are no excuses for abusing a child.

If you suffer from your own dumbass decisions, so be it. But don’t you dare hurt a child.

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD 1-800-422-4453

[atheostic]

Manitoba RCMP arrest ex-priest in Regina for historic sexual assault of 11-year-old girl

Officers from the RCMP detachment in Russell, Manitoba arrested an 81-year-old former priest in Regina for a charge of sexual assault dating

[fat-girl-thined]

I'd like to say that I am able to watch and hear tons of things that trigger other people, how ever I just discovered the one thing that makes me so incredibly yucky feeling is watching couples argue and when one tries to physically leave (not break up; simply remove themselves for the time being) and the other chases after them, grabs them, and begs them preventing them from leaving. That is what hurts me the most.

[himitsu-no-nikki]

06092020 good thing that my cutter is small. and i just realised that today is 69 haha.

[himitsu-no-nikki]

28082020

I just found out that I always complain here at midnight.

Not that it matters but just

Some very long while ago my friend S asked me if my cutters are of any significance to me

(I just remembered bc I lost the one I used and I was forced to use a new one I’ve been saving. At least it’s tinier and easier to being to the bathroom.)

But ...no? They’re just tools for me to mark down on my skin that today was a shitty day for me.

Tbh I hv no idea if there’s some rule or norm that you could only do this when u feel seriously traumatic or anything - but I’m just gonna do this my way. Idc.

I have a serious case of procrastination and it keeps eating into my daily life and I hate it but I can’t stop it

[bulba-whore]

And you turn the water on way too hot; until your skin stings and turns red. You’re trying to burn off every mistake you’ve made; every mistake you continue to make.

And you scrub just a little too hard. Shampoo, body wash. Like you’re trying to scrub it into your soul, rather than your skin, because that’s what you really need to wash clean.

But no matter how much you scrub or how hot the water, you’re still stained. You’ll never be clean. You’ll just keep making new messes.

-CJ Kisch