#trusted anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas I'm sorry I've never sent an ask here but I literally do not know what to do.

So TW violence???

My dad passed away a year and a half (?) ago, and about a year ago my mom started dating this pretty young guy.

He was annoying. I thought maybe I was being biased but I didn't really mind my mom having a bf after my dad??? So I didn't think much of it and decided she's her own woman and can make her own choices, right? She deserves having some fun, especially after being about 3 years caring for my dad's sickness.

Well. My mom and this guy were on and off because he's a fucking idiot, as in, they'd just discuss stuff because they were both stressed about their own thing. For context, this guy divorced his wife and his wife took their kid (she was still 2yo) away from him, permiting no contact for over 2 or 3 months.

Well. He has the kid now (since they found out her grandma on her mother's side literally hits her. A two year old little girl, so he's obviously going for full custody). They had some big fight that I didn't really care about (since I always found him annoying). And my brother just told me (it's 2:30am, my brother told me @1) that he hit my mom, and that's the reason they fought

She's a social worker. She helps people (specially women & genderqueer people) get out of abusive situations, relationships (romatic, in contexts of work, etc)

And she just went over to his house, and is staying the night

And she told my cisgender, straight, 16yo younger (with violent tendencies classic from teen boys, somewhat??) brother about this and didn't tell me.

And I. I don't know. Should I be doing an intervention?? I don't want this guy at my mom's 50th birthday. I don't want him ever in this house again. I actually want him very far from my mom and my family in general.

But she's staying over, and she didn't tell me, and- he's not a violent guy, I think? But he hit her, and she went back, and I've been contemplating murder so often on the last couple weeks (2 times, one for the girl's grandma, and one for this guy- which is 2 times more often than usual??? And like, actually think about it, not just some hypothetical shit- and it's honestly worriesome)

I just want my mom to stop being an idiot (she knows by MEMORY the- all the things that happen in toxic/abusive relationships what are you even doing woman, I get that you're a victim but I've been telling you to break up with him for over three months –before I even knew this happened–)

Sorry that's err. A lot of text. There's just so much context and fuck I want my mom to cut ties there, so much, and I wish she trusted me with this, and- idk what to do at this point

Hi!

So I left this text because it's not detailed, but I'm going to TW my response because it's my own personal experience. So TW- abuse

First, we don't murder people. Ever.

Second, I think the thing with abuse is you don't realize you've gotten pulled into the cycle until it's far too late. Abusers are charismatic and are great at lovebombing and AMAZING at telling you it'll never happen again and then immediately doing it again. The cycle of abuse, in my experience, is like quicksand. It's almost impossible to get out of.

It's also super embarrassing. Because even as the logical, independent part of you knows it's wrong, you still stay. You tell yourself it won't happen again, or that you'll leave next time. And then you don't. And you feel SO unworthy and shameful and unloved, because the abuser convinces you that you don't deserve anything better.

All this to say, I think the best way to tackle this would be to talk to one of your mom's close friends or family members. Share your concerns. Because concerns coming from her child are just going to make her feel defensive and probably angry and she's not going to listen. She might listen to an adult.

Also please don't take it personally that your mom didn't tell you. People who are abused should NOT feel shame, but trust me when I tell you that it's so hard to tell people because it just makes you feel about 2cm tall.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm so glad you recognize the signs of abuse <3 Naming you trusted anon

[peculiar-shardscape]

Work doodles of the four anons who Devoice keep fucking with, we have Dr(Doctor), T(Trusted/Therapy), CJ(Chug Jug) and ofc the Lenny face one but im too lazy to copy and paste it here you know the one