oh shit, tw!vent
i think theres mentally wrong with me. i feel like im crumbling from the inside. but i hold it in like a dam to a roaring ocean. and yeah, whatever thats not okay.
i want to hurt myself for no good reason. maybe because i think im ugly, maybe simply, i have enough scars, whats a few more?
im trying to be okay for everyone. im trying to smile and deal with lifes shit thats fucking served on a rusty platter. i walk away from situations hoping ill have someone there to run after me, but i hear no footsteps and no one's there to follow me.
im feigning happiness for everyone, im being a shoulder to lean on, but i slip and say the wrong thing and suddenly im the bad guy. i have a hard time controling my words. im constantly told i need to change and fix that but belive me, ive tried for 15 years....i cant change anymore.
i think my compartmentalization makes me borderline bipolar. im a circus with multiple ringleaders dragging me everywhere and i feel like i don't deserve to be loved. i feel so shitty and tired of this life.