#tw abusers

[dark-selfship-imagines]

Imagine you are somewhere in public with your f/o. You see your abuser, and you and your f/o try to avoid him/her/them, but they see you and try to talk to you. Your f/o then walks up to them and pulls the three of you into a private place. When in a private place, your f/o hisses in your abuser's face, chewing them out for every shitty thing that they have done. Your abuser either runs off crying, or tries to get physical with your f/o, and your f/o beats their ass.

x

[b4st4rd-420]

[rottingtrouble-child]

I’m in a rage episode right now and I can’t escape it and have no other blogs to turn to that allow trauma vents. I don’t even want to stop being rageful. I want to beat the fuck out of my abusers and kill them. I hate that my vengefulness and rage as a kid painted me as a bully by people that witnessed it uncontrollable as it was around my abusers. I hated that my cries for help were ignored. And whenever people werent looking I was unable to escape abuse and I had no choice but to fucking go over abusers house again and again. I didn’t want to but sometimes I’d say yes or give in with the pressure and sometimes I fight back and I feel like such a fake victims because of it because if she was really abusing me then people would side with me right? If she really abused me then why did I allow them to make me hangout with her?Why did I laugh when she made jokes? I can’t possibly be abused.

i had nccsa and contact cocsa stuff happen. I just want to feel loved and I want someone to hate my fucking abusers for me.

😈 idk if any one used this emoji yet. If so then I’ll use: 👹

Your anger is valid as fuck, so is wanting to be violent towards your abuser. They hurt you and traumatized you and betrayed you repeatedly, they put another person through hell just for their own fun, that’s fucking infuriating and you’re absolutely right to be angry and wanting to stay angry.

Unfortunately, a lot of people side with the abuser even if they’re literally given evidence. Even if they literally witnessed the abuse themselves. Some people are just fucking weird and shitty. It’s really common and from what I’ve seen, a majority of times as well that people side with the abuser and silence the victim no matter what evidence they’re given. This in no way means you weren’t abused.

Sometimes enjoying your abuser’s company or laughing with them doesn’t mean you weren’t abused either. This can be a trauma/survival response actually, possibly considered fawning?

(hope it’s ok to mention my own experiences for a bit, ik for some people it helps but for some people it doesn’t) Like my mom has punched me in the head a couple times among other shit, and other times I used to sing along to Gwen Stefani with her. Hell, just an hour ago I was laughing and poking fun ‘cause a moth scared her. That’s just how human interactions are sometimes and it doesn’t make you any less abused or any less of a survivor/victim. Some people straight up hate their abuser no matter what and hate their company no matter what (which is 1000% valid too), and then some people go in between hate and love, and others just.. love. Trauma impacts everyone differently, everyone has different emotions and trauma responses. Our brains are complex and will often respond in complex ways when trying to deal with something threatening our survival.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Song (When You Love Someone): ‘Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love...’

Our mother, with absolutely zero self awareness: Oh, yea. Out of our entire generation, all our friends and family (not including your dad’s parents), we’re the only married couple that’s still married to the first person they married.

Us: Probably because a lot of them married physically or s-xually abusive, or otherwise violent or unsafe people.

Her: Well, yea, a lot of them. But some of them thought marriage would be easy and would always feel like that ‘I adore you’ spark from the beginning of the relationship...but marriage takes work.

Us, mostly to ourselves (because it’s how we feel about our parents): A lot of people SHOULD get divorced.

Her, still with zero self awareness: Yea, a lot of people should.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((Note our parents are verbally & emotionally violent to each other on the daily, & they’re still friends with & close to all these people who were in such bad relationships, even if that person WAS the abuser in the partnership (not because they did the work, got therapy, etc., but because ‘they're still family’ or ‘they were my best friend, they're good to me 🤷‍♂️’). We want them to divorce because of how terrible their relationship is, & because at least one of them (likely our mother, who’s *slightly* less terrible) might gain the self awareness from separation of how bad the relationship actually is. We don't say lightly that they should divorce - we've seen the impact of divorce throughout our family, and we still believe it's worse for them to stay together than it would be to divorce.))

~Nico (co-host, trauma holder, protector; he/they) & Skylar (trauma holder, persecutor-protector, physical & s-xual protector, & physical caretaker; he/him)

((Also from the perspective of a physical & s-xual protector, their relationship is also s-xually & physically unsafe. I won't elaborate but....it's bad. ~Skylar))

[rottingtrouble-child]

Our abuser told us that if we took ourselves away from him he’d come and find us. It’s been years but I can’t forget what he said he’d do to us when we turned 18. Mutilation, sa, whatever he wanted with our dead body. And we turn 18 this month. I’m scared.

My god that’s horrific.

Are you staying with someone who’s aware of what the abuser said or what they could be planning to do? Able to tell authorities and alert them you could be in danger?

This could be something you should really tell someone about for your safeties.

I’m unsure how to fully help, but I hope he doesn’t try to follow through and that you’ll have people around you to protect you. Please keep me updated if you’re comfortable with that.

[rottingtrouble-child]

should i just throw all the people who hurt me away? i still love them but they make memories resurface. they make me feel horrible sometimes. it would hurt to let them go but it hurts to keep them around. when i get the chance, should i go? disappear from their view? i don't want to be like my mother and keep my abusers around because they're family, that shit don't fly with me, but at the same time, i'm stuck in the same situation. any words of advice or input?

Hurting others is sometimes inevitable as it’s human nature to make mistakes, what matters is the intent and the effort on the other persons end to take your feelings and boundaries into consideration, and to make up for what they might’ve done or said. But when it’s repetitive boundary crossing, and the same person repeatedly hurting you, this person will not make any effort in your life to change that. They’ll do the bare minimum if even that and they’re not the type of people to keep around in your life.

Yes, I believe you should cut ties with the people who are hurting you. Unfortunately, I’m not 100% sure what to say for being stuck in the situation (as I’m still stuck with my neglectful and abusive family myself), but what I do is try to keep aware of their manipulation or harmful tactics and know that what they project onto me is a problem within themselves and not me (although it still hurts and I still struggle). For me, my abusers feel less powerful now that I know their angles and tactics and that gives me a sort of comfort and also helped me emotionally distance myself from my ex and leave.

I also recently had to break up a decade long friendship and I’m not going to lie, it stings like a motherfucker. I still love them as well but that person kept hurting me and would’ve kept hurting me.

I feel each step I take with dropping people who don’t care, and each step I take making boundaries is helping me be able to stand up for myself easier and creating a better support system easier. But the hard part is, you have to follow through with the decisions. And don’t feel guilty if you do back down a few times from cutting these people out! It’s like dipping your foot in a pool before taking the plunge on a hot day. The sun is unbearable and the water will refresh you, but it’s almost painfully cold at first but once you brave yourself and take the plunge, it’s a relief to no longer feel like you’re being boiled alive.

I hope you find yourself in a better place and around better people soon. <3