#tw:g1

[penelope-and-wonders]

My maternal grandfather Ed Sheeran is seventy, and he can’t sing for shit. He is the reason why our home has been regularly assaulted by crazy fans of a guy whose connection to our family is limited by the poster that hangs on the wall in my sister’s bedroom. Our Ed and his famous namesake have nothing in common, although grandpa looks a bit like Eric Clapton. Grandpa is an ex-Marine, ‘someone’, and here I’m quoting, ‘who protected people from the real threats, not from the fantasies of the blue and green people that supposedly want to destroy earth or rather just have to make a stop here to visit a restroom’.

[penelope-and-wonders]

They say I’m a cliché. I beg to differ, I’m an awesome cliché. Name’s Braden, seventeen years old, and I’m the popular one. I tell everyone that smut book about Dublin Street was based on me, works like a charm every damn time. I’m a Leo if you believe in that kind of crap but I feel more like a tiger if you know what I mean. I'm the Braden after all. That awesome shit you’re about to witness is the story of my life. I mean Justin Bieber wrote his first memoirs when he was what, twelve? And I’m even more awesome since they don’t even need to retouch me on photos. Yes, I’m that good.

[penelope-and-wonders]

Tessa isn’t happy about mom reading her romance novels because she wants to read them too but instead of that she’s stuck with her chemistry book which doesn’t even have a happy-ending.

[penelope-and-wonders]

That’s our pet, Schnitzel. I came up with the name when he was just a pup, and with my dad’s support we kept it rolling. Mom was against it, obviously. She said it’s not very ethical to call a dog that way considering there were some countries where they could actually make a schnitzel out of Schnitzel. Our general objection was based on the low probability of Schnitzel coming to that countries on his own, but my mother reminded us right away that there’s even a movie about the dog that traveled around the world. We decided to take a risk, though. So far, so good.

[penelope-and-wonders]

That’s my dad, Greg Weston, forty six years old. He’s a part of Brindleton Bay Space Program, but so far he’s been as far away from a real rocket as Brindleton Bay is from space. He’s obsessed with all things alien and loves to tell stories you can also find in the most yellow of all Brindleton Bay newspapers, which would made Pulitzer and Hearst, two rival creators of the yellow press, marry each other out of happiness.

[penelope-and-wonders]

[penelope-and-wonders]

Don’t let her pretty eyes and weird ways fool you, though, India Weston is neither an easy going person nor a careless parent. That one time I broke my curfew, she said she would rip my ears off, cook a galantine out of them and make me eat the whole thing. I’m not sure what’s a galantine, except for it’s obviously French which isn’t a good sign already, but I’m pretty positive it tastes better without my ears.

[penelope-and-wonders]