For the prompt "Outsider POV on their relationship".
***
Well, wasn't that just about the prettiest thing since a fourth-quarter profit.
“Constable.” He leaned over the bar, lowering his voice, and Odo pulled back with narrowed eyes.
“What?”
“You ever seen latinum on legs?”
“What are you babbling about?”
“Look up. Top of the stairs. No, don’t look look, just be subtle— I shouldn’t have to tell you this, you’re a security officer.”
Odo was exasperated. Three seconds: that was a new record. “Quark—”
“Just act natural. Pretend we’re just talking, nothing special—”
“We are talking.”
“Talking like actual people, instead of an honest businessman being harried to death one day at a time by a shapeshifter with an overactive sense of justice. Try to blend in. If you can manage it."
“You’re telling me to blend in?”
“I know. It’s a stretch.”
“What am I supposed to be looking at?”
“Them.”
“What, Garak and Ba—”
“Shhh.” For profit’s sake, it was like training sleb. “Yes. Them.”
Now Odo looked over, trying to seem inconspicuous, and Quark wanted to roll his eyes. The man’s body language—such as it was, couldn’t even call it a body, really—was the least subtle thing he’d ever seen. Not fair. The only reason he ever catches me out is because he can be all kinds of things he’s not supposed to be.
“I don’t understand.”
“Look at them.”
“I am looking.”
“Well, then.” Quark shrugged.
Odo did roll his eyes, showing none of the admirable restraint Quark prided himself on possessing. “Quark, what are you getting at?”
“Twenty strips of latinum per person in the pool. That’s what I’m getting at.”
“What pool?”
“Oh, you didn’t know? Hmm.” He made a show of polishing the bar. “Slipping, Odo.”
“Spit it out.”
Quark looked up at him and grinned. “They’re, uh…” Mmm, he didn’t want to be crude. Instead, he tugged a lobe and Nodded Significantly, and watched the reference sail right over Odo’s head.
“They’re ‘uh’ what?”
Oh, for the love of latinum. “They’re ‘uh’ every night, that’s what they’re ‘uh.’”
Odo was completely lost. Quark was kind of tempted to leave him that way. Wasn’t very fair, though: the man really had no idea when it came to love or sex or any of the things that made life worth living. It explained a lot, when you thought about it, not that he ever did.
“Let me break it down for you. This station is small. Rumours fly. People like to bet. I make it all come together.”
“You’re running a… ‘pool’… regarding Garak and Bashir?”
“Mmm.” He smiled proudly. “The ‘how long till they’re fu—’… ah, ‘sleeping together’ pool.”
“Let me get this straight. You are taking bets on the personal lives of the people of this station.”
“I happen to know that there's no law against it.”
Odo frowned and made an irritated noise, drumming his fingers on the bar. “Unfortunately, you’re right.”
“And they’re not the only ones, either. Let’s see, there’s Sisko and Dax…”
“Dax? I doubt it.”
“Morn and Dax…”
“Not in a million years.”
“Me and Dax…”
Odo actually barked a laugh at that, and Quark sketched a little bow. “I live in hope, what can I say?”
“Keep dreaming…” Now Odo looked back over at the two men just starting down the staircase. “So you think you’re going to make some money, eh?”
“The money’s made. The pool closes tonight. They’re involved.”
Odo snorted. “I hope you’ve got proof, because I’ve heard that rumour before.”
“No rumour. Truth.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“Odo, you’re seeing it now.”
Now Odo looked again, and this time he actually managed to make it look half-decent. Bored, his face said, looking for something to do, and arresting you would be a good start. It wasn't a face you wanted to look at. Or to have look at you, for that matter.
Quark nodded approvingly. “Better. Almost subtle. Keep trying.”
Odo ignored him, ungrateful as always. Now he was frowning. “How do you know they’re involved? They haven’t said so to anyone. I’d know if they had. And Garak might manage to keep it quiet, but Bashir’s got a mouth like a conduit breach.”
“How do I…” Quark spread his hands, made a face. “How do I know I’m breathing air? Because I’m not dead. How do I know I ate today? Because I’m not hungry. How do I know the doctor and the tailor are together? Because I have eyes.”
“They’re acting the same way they always do. I don’t see any difference.” Odo’s frown looked a little bit confused, now. Quark savoured it. When Odo was like this, it was almost cute. You kind of wanted to help the guy out a little.
“Don’t you fret, Constable. Uncle Quark will explain the facts of life.” He smiled benignly at Odo, enjoying the snarl he elicited. “See how Bashir is gazing lovingly into Garak’s eyes?”
“He’s looking at him. He always looks at him.”
“Odo, nobody looks at somebody like that unless they’re picturing them naked.”
“That’s circumstantial. And disgusting.”
“Fine. All right: look at how Bashir’s just put his arm around Garak’s shoulder.”
“I’ve seen him do that before.”
“Yeah, fine, but have you seen Garak let him leave it there?”
“Pretty flimsy, Quark…”
“You want more? I’ll give you more: look at how close they’re standing.”
“They always stand that close. They practically hang off each other. They always have.”
That… was a good point, actually. “Well, how about the way they’re laughing? Heads together, sharing a secret joke—”
“They always have secret jokes. They walk around the Promenade giggling at everything. The entire station is a source of quiet amusement to Mister Garak and Doctor Bashir. Can’t you do any better than that, Quark?” Now Odo was smiling, that creepy little kind-of-smile that made Quark’s skin crawl. “Or are you ready to admit you don’t know what you’re talking about?”
“It’s true.”
Odo narrowed his eyes. “Prove it.”
“I don’t have to. They’ll do it for me. Here they come—good evening, gentlemen!”
“Hello, Quark.” Bashir was affable as always. Maybe a little more so than usual, given that he’d apparently been nipping from the bottle of kanar Garak was toting. “We’re all through in the holosuite.”
“Are you sure? You still have twenty minutes left.” He oozed friendliness. Charm was free, after all.
“Thank you, but I believe we’ve defeated the forces of evil rather soundly. I doubt they could muster the energy for a comeback tonight.” Garak’s voice was pleasant. If he was tipsy, he was hiding it well: his little bow wasn't wobbly at all. “An excellent program.”
“Thank the doctor, not me. I just provide the facilities.”
“But what facilities they are! Truly, I could not ask for a better host.”
That was effusive even for Garak, and Quark mentally ratcheted up the tipsiness meter by a few points as he grinned. Keep watching, Odo. “I’m just glad the two of you managed to get some time together. You know. To enjoy each other’s company.”
“Ah, ha, well…” Bashir blinked, smiled, practically blushed. It was almost embarrassing. “It’s… you know, it’s a great program, and Garak’s really becoming very good at this whole spy thing.” He looked over at Garak, eyes narrowing, and his smile widened to a grin. “Honestly, you’ve taken to it like a fish to water. I’m very nearly surprised!”
Garak slid Bashir a sideways glance, and Bashir smiled like an idiot—so no difference, really—and oh, yes, the two of them thought they were being very clever and very funny. That was fine. Quark could put up with a lot of clever and funny if it rubbed his point in Odo’s face. “Well, gentlemen, I’m glad you had a good time.” And maybe, because Bashir was drunk enough… “Why not stay for dinner? We've got a Motho’tep sandworm tonight that would melt in your—"
“Oh, no… no, we’ve got to get going, haven’t we, Garak?” And the man batted his lashes like a stunned female.
“Indeed, my dear doctor. If you’ll excuse us.” Garak bowed politely, exuding smug, and shepherded the lanky Human out the door with a hand on the small of his back. Odo saw it. Couldn’t miss it. Quark delighted in it.
“So…?” He drew it out, smiling.
Odo rapped his fingers on the bar, once, twice, then grunted to himself. “You’re going to make a lot of money.”
Quark smiled, all teeth.
Odo harrumphed and folded his arms, suddenly very uninterested in Quark, and so Quark immediately pricked up his ears, because he wasn’t an idiot.
“So… do any of these little pools of yours involve me?”
Heh. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“I could make you tell me. As a matter of station security.”
“How did you put it? It was so eloquent… ah, yes, that was it. 'Keep dreaming.'”