#tybstarter

[cassiopeiamoon-blog]

TEXT ✉️ OPEN

CASS: omg

CASS: have you heard the piano version of that song that goes I'M BLUE DABADEE DABADIE??

CASS: it's so beautiful!!! I wish I was blue.

CASS: If you had to be another color, which color would you be?

[hudsonseve]

When you come home after a long shift and find that your place has been broken into. Mind you, this isn’t even my house so it’s not like I know if anything was taken or not. And did they really have to bust through the door? I mean come on guys what happened to the slit in the screen and climbing through the window scheme anymore? 

[levi-evans]

I just found the almost 10 lbs big Toblerone bar that I bought in the airport, on my way home, after I had gotten good and drunk on white wine. I think my Friday night plans have just been made. 

[isaacevxns]

Living alone has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness. Like I understand my apartment complex is full of geezers but you’d think I was whole ass naked the way Mrs. Dupont damn near had a heart attack when I grabbed a package in my boxers. We live near the beach, lady, and I have definitely seen you mid-summer watching the surfers with a pair of binoculars. Some of those trunks leave even less to the imagination. Old people man. They’re all pervy, prudish, or a weird ass paradox of both.

[blakesrutherford]

Clearly, I have a knack for doing stupid shit. On this episode of Blake Is An Idiot. Is skinny dipping on a breezy evening a good idea?

Nope, I’m sick and I hate everything. Please end me.

[hxllycc-blog]

TEXTS ✉️ {{OPEN}}

HOLLY: I just made a midnight run to CVS for batteries, and the number of drunk people standing in line to check out was a bit alarming.

HOLLY: Going off of the smell, I guess bourbon is the Tuesday night drink of choice around town.

[realernie-blog]

iMessage 📲 OPEN

Ernie: ....Well you take the first letter of each name, assign it a number, add 'em all up, and shove it up your butt!

Ernie: Oops wrong number.

[becksrutherford-blog]

Gather around friends, while I pull the most Rutherford thing ever, and give you intimate details, because why not? I got these really awesome birthday coupons, with various little things written on them, but that isn’t important. Well it is, but not right now. One was a Dick in a Box. I am a huge fan of that skit, and it tickled my pickle, so I decided to put it in good use. You bet your ass it was put to perfect use, which involved a dick in a box, and this said dick in a box being sneaked into somewhere it didn’t belong, but it worked out in the end! Moral of the story, birthday coupons are the best thing ever.