Hello, me again. I'm struggling between ISFJ and INFP. I know I have Si. I'm just stuck at where it is in my stack. I'm very connected to the past. I rarely move past it. However, I'm bad at details. I'm better at remembering how I felt than what actually made me feel that way. I've imagined the worst-case scenario ever since I was a child (low Ne or just Ne?). I do consider other people's feelings first but I'm a 9, so I struggle with what's 9 and actual Fe.
If you’re confident of being a 9, which is a generally positive type, rather than a 6, who excels at worst-case scenarios, then you kind of … have to assume inferior Ne over secondary Ne. This isn’t always the case, but inferior Ne has a bit of a reputation for being afraid of change, fearful of the future, apprehensive about new ideas and the unknown, because it doesn’t “value” anything that doesn’t seem practically applicable.
I know numerous 9s who are both INFP and ISFJ, and being a 9 doesn’t alter Fi-dom; the IFP is still firmly aware of their own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc. They care about not disrupting things unnecessarily, because they don’t want to be inconvenienced; it’s not about taking on the outside perspective or thinking about how their behavior affects those around them on an emotional level. Of course, they CARE, but it’s not their first priority to care about “what I do affects you” the way Fe automatically feels that way and frames their actions through it.
One random example would be that the IFP 9s I know don’t alter their opinion or hide it, if they disagree with you; they will just state their disagreement and not want any argument about it, whereas an IFJ 9 will often faux-agree with you even if they disagree or don’t intend to follow your advice, because it’s about pleasing you in that moment. For a Fi, being “totally authentic to my feelings” always comes first, ahead of any desire for harmony or peace. One Fi-dom friend says occasionally she feels her 9 trying to “merge” into someone’s views, and instead of allowing to happen the way an IFJ would (it feels right for that moment, for them), it just makes her angry, since it’s a loss of self and see as a boundary violation against her own will. The Fe/9s I’ve known (and that includes EFJs and ISJs and ITPs) don’t see it that way; right now and here is temporary, you’ll leave me be if I smile and nod and go omg yes, and then leave me alone to do my own thing.
Detail-wise, it’s an iffy thing; my ISTJ mother can’t remember jack, but she’s meticulous at what she does, insanely pragmatic, and highly concrete. She just can’t remember huge chunks of her life or details about much of anything; she’ll read the same book twice, have forgotten most of it, and make the same wrong guesses in a whodunit every single time. But an ISFJ I know has an insanely good memory; she describes it as having an inner library and knowing which book to pull off the shelf, to open herself up to a memory. She can even retrace her steps mentally to figure out what she did with her keys. So I think a good memory is dependent on genetics or passion or importance or just random.
Si-dom values the process and knows that anything worth doing takes time; low Si devalues the process and feels frustrated at the need to be detailed or that it’s taking too long or is too fussy. Secondary Ne is fluid, moving from one opinion, dream, concept, idea, process, to another, as guided by Fi – envisioning the many ways my life could go, the jobs I could have, the ways I could become famous, the novels I could write. Lower Ne is not good at brainstorming on the spot and doesn’t like to be responsible for doing so on their own; it resists anything that seems too novel or risky. Then there is intuition. Intuitives just ‘know’ things without being told; they piece together reality and believe it, whether or not it’s true. The reason someone did this, said that, were there that night; the true motives at work in this situation; whodunit; inferior Ne doesn’t like the intuitive leaps of high intuitives. Their response is, “Where’s the evidence for that? What steps led you to that conclusion? What did they say that makes you think that?” or my ISTJ mother’s personal favorite: “you can’t know that for sure!”
Look at the big picture. Which type fits you better?
ISFJ: my memories are deeply meaningful to me, but so are the people in my life, and I am responsible for their feelings.
INFP: my feelings are deeply meaningful to me, and so are my ideas, but other people’s feelings are their business (just as my feelings are mine).
