The Tales of the Angry Stoner: Cut My Fucking Cable Off, Then!
AT&T U-verse, my mum is about done fucking with you. I’m done fucking with your bitch ass people at the stores, who won’t open the account for the person WHO KNOWS THE MOST ABOUT THE ACCOUNT. I’m not done fucking with you, per se, due to the fact that if I could shove it through your thick skulls that I am not the account holder, but the person who knows the account from the rooter to the tooter. I’m gonna call you and see what I can do. Even though there isn’t much else for me to do, only for the simple fact that Top Gear (BBC America- Channel 122) is finished it’s good run. I watched the final episode of Top Gear, high as shit and I damn near cried. I didn’t realise that the show I’ve come to love since having U-verse was going off the air in the way that it’ll be revamped with 3 people I know nothing about. At least with Jeremy Clarkson, I remember him screaming “Power”, James May being the slowest driver in all of Britain and Richard Hammond being the resident cutie who has done teeth whitening and got his hair coloured. Now, since they’ve gone to other ventures, what’s the fucking use of having U-verse other than being able to load up Mecklenburg County Jail website fast?
Plus, the bill is super outrageous, like really. We pay $200 for unreliable boxes, remote controls with corrosion and 80/20 split of infomercials/QVC/HSN and actual channels. If we are paying $200 for cable, phone and Internet, at least give us some channels that we actually want to see, not QVC, QVC in Spanish, French, German, HSN, infomercials and a bunch of channels that are blacked out in my area. Truthfully, I’d pay $200... for the U-450 plan, GigaPower and unlimited calling to US, Canada, UK and Australia, and only on the basis that we actually get to pick what channels we actually get to keep and drop.
These are the channels I’d drop (from the current U-verse lineup for Metro Charlotte as of 2 July 2015)
AT&T U-verse Shopping channels, every one of them
Channels 86 to 107 (Interactive Channels and Pay-per-View)
Justice Central (unless they begin airing Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy)
U-verse Interactive Workout
Telemundo (That’s why WCNC is a NBC station. Call Gannett and coerce them to make Telemundo a subchannel for WCNC.)
Smile Channel (Pure exploitation of children)
Stingray Music (switch it back to Music Choice)
Longhorn Network (We are in North Carolina)
If these channels were deleted, the lineup would be much clearer and I’d be more than happy to pay $150. Plus, the fucking receiver boxes are fucking dumb as hell. It has less space than most entry level Android phones, they like to act up when it’s past 11:45pm and don’t even try going on YouTube whilst there is something recording. For fuck’s sake, you can roll up a whole blunt, smoke half of the blunt, a 100mm cigarette and take a slash and the video will still not have completely loaded.
If we do switch back to Time Warner Cable, MY TV NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO PICK UP MAURY POVICH AND SPRINGER.
