So I was caught stabbing the Sunday roast with a series of different knives from different angles while I waited for the oven to warm up. So what? I was convinced I could deduce the exact size and shape of a knife from the injuries inflicted by it and there was no lump of meat so like a human lump of meat as a joint of beef. I’d be a fool not to carry out a little experimentation when I was waiting to shove the beef into the oven. Wouldn’t I? ‘You mean, Daddy, that you pretended our lunch was a human person?’ asked Anna, putting down her knife and fork. ‘A human person being killed?’ ‘Don’t be silly, it obviously isn’t a human person,’ I said, tucking into my beef briskly. ‘My meat’s full of stab marks,’ added Chris. ‘Look!’ I had expected greater loyalty from the other male in the family. I glowered at him over the joint. But it was too late. By now everyone had put down their cutlery.
Unnatural Causes: The Life and Many Deaths of Britain’s Top Forensic Pathologist Unnatural Causes (Dr. Richard Shepherd)