We finally went to see A(n) Improvised Christmas Carol at Unexpected Productions on Post Alley under the Pike Place Market.
Unexpected Productions is the theater group that’s produced TheaterSports for, gotta be... decades. They started in the old building on the corner of Brooklyn Avenue NE and NE 40th Street in the U district. And the reason I know this is cause I went to go seem ‘em when I was a student at the UW. Figure... ‘85, ‘86 probably.
They were hysterical then... and they’re hysterical now.
Over the years, Kimmer joined me and we eventually went to see them at their current location. We saw TheaterSports there. We saw some kind of spy story there which was wonderful in its creative use of sets and props... or the lack thereof. We also saw Citizen Scrooge, a mashup of Citizen Kane and A Christmas Carol.
Just one of those things you hafta see.
And then this: “A(n) Improvised Christmas Carol”.
We had a great time, Kimmer, Linzy, ‘n me. Got there 15 minutes before showtime, 5 minutes before they let people into the theater. We go excellent seats in the 3rd row and scored three popcorns for 5 bucks.
The show started with a series of 28 questions.
Name a mode of transportation. Bicycle.
Name a place to live. A treehouse.
Name a fictional charity. The Vacuum Cleaner Defense Fund.
Name a movie genre. Fantasy.
Name an endearing habit. Biting your nails.
Name a type of meat. Spam.
Name a hobby. Collecting teeth.
Name a game your family plays at Chrismastime. Hide the Pickle.
What’s something your boss would never say to you? Good job!
Name a type of business. Candy Cane factory.
Name something you would never buy for yourself. A toy car.
Name a corporate slogan. You’ll Find It At Fred Meyer.
They accepted Kimmer’s suggestion for mode of transportation, by they way: the rickshaw. They actually asked for two modes of transportation. The first one’s used by the Ghost of Christmas Past. That would be the bicycle. The second one’s used by the Ghost of Christmas Present. That would be the rickshaw.
Anyway, once the answers were set, the lights went down and The Narrator started us off.
The biggest change, of course, was the Candy Cane Factory. In this version, Scrooge is an entrepreneur, constantly designing new lines of candy canes like the Political Line featuring the John McCANE.
Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, actually believes his uncle to be redeemable because Scrooge is, after all, the creator of the Obiwan CANEnobi.
Scrooge’s home is no longer a gothic mansion, he now lives in a cramped treehouse with his collection of human teeth.
The folks collecting on behalf of the poor in the original are now collecting on behalf of The Vacuum Cleaner Defense Fund describing, during the course of their pitch, innocent victims of in-home vacuum cleaner attacks prompting a twist on the classic line “Are there no prisons? Are there no work houses?”
“Are there no Sniffers? Are there no Roombas?”
As Scrooge sends them packing, one of them has the presence of mind to shout “YOU SUCK!”
The Ghost of Christmas Past is a tres effeminate Willy Wonka character. The Ghost of Christmas Present is actually a temp whose mother got him the gig. He walks through each scene with a Ghost of Christmas Present To-Do list and no self-confidence.
The big Christmas party at Fezziwig’s features a dance number set to Sir Mixalot’s “I Like. Big. Butts”.
And it was... a big. Dance number.
The most uncomfortable, squirm in our seats, watched it through our fingers, Oh-My-God-I-Can’t-Believe-They-Went-There, blackest of black humor moment... came when the Ghost of Christmas Present introduces The Children of Man to Scrooge: Ignorance... and Want.
Only in this version they’re Sad.
“Sad” was basically a weepy mess.
At the end of Scrooge’s experience with The Ghost of Christmas Past, the moment when he realize the graveyard headstone is, in fact, his... one of the actors turns to the audience asking for applause:
Is Scrooge changed by this experience?
Is Scrooge not changed by this experience?
I clapped wildly for not changed ‘cause that would’ve been the ultimate, you know, plot twist. I was joined by a surprising number of audience members.
Everyone else, though, the ones “without such cold hearts” rocked the theater with their applause for a redeemed Ebineezer Scrooge.
By the way, first thing Christmas morning, it’s not the big turkey Scrooge asks the passing street urchin to buy and deliever to the Cratchit household.
It’s a giant can of Spam.
The play ends the next morning in Scrooge’s office with Bob Cratchit dragging himself in to work late because he and his family stayed up all night eating the Spam.
Scrooge does the Bad Scrooge/Good Scrooge routine and The Narrator returns to deliver the final, classic words of Dickens’ tale:
“It was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed...
“You’ll find it... at Fred Meyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
