Reaching those DONE Moments
I’ve noticed myself become more powerful at saying NO to things that bring me reoccurring pain and endless thinking. There are two big killers for me - Food and my ex-boyfriend, that I have finally reached the points where I can just say I’m done.
Food first. I had to hit a real rock bottom with my mental obssession with thinking and controlling food before I could begin to rebuild a stronger and healthier relationship with it. I have found meditation and stillness to be the best way for me to get stronger, and avoiding social media or clothes that resurrect negative emotions or thoughts towards food. Being mindful during meals to savour and enjoy them, and then taking time after my meal to check back into my body. Is it still hungry? If so, have a little more. I have just been told by my doctor that I need to gain weight in order to restore my bicycle (My bicycle is broken and needs to be fixed) However coming from a past of diet restriction, its a good challenge to just let everything go and not care anymore. For anyone reading this, our ideas of letting go will be very different. For example, I would always pick the my idea of the healthiest item was off the menu, whether or not I was craving something else, and dessert was completely out of the question. The other night one of my closest friend’s and I went out to a mexican restaurant that had a full additional vegan menu, (WAHHHT! I KNOW) and not only did I have the flour tortilla thing that is filled with beans and pan fried, BUT they had vegan dessert- a twilight bar wrapped in some crepey thing and fried. It was magical. My girlfriend got the un-vegan version and we just sat their with the biggest smiles on our faces and breaking every minute to let out ‘oh my goshes’ and ‘awwwwww man this is good’ ‘mmmmmmm’ hahaha! Even writing this returns a smile to my face because we were enjoying the EXPERIENCE. The food was just a catalyst. I LET GO. I ate the dessert and I’m still alive today, I’m still happy, my friends and family still love me, I still have my jobs, I can still paint, draw and write. I will no longer be scared of the dessert because it was a beautiful thing. hahaha! I just have to work on that mindset, I am free to eat whatever I want and I will always survive another day to love and live.
My second poison. The ex-boyfriend. EL
I have an agreement with the universe at the moment that I’m putting this guy into their hands now. Because I am beyond ideas as to how to work with this. Essentially, we dated on and off for about 3 years but have been in each others lives for about 5 years. I am 19 and this is the first love scenario. I’ve broken up with him twice and moved cities, yet he continues to message me. Everyday I practice my strength and self-love and independence and everyday gets a little easier until I get a message from him and then my whole mind just clouds over. My heart races, I get stressed, anxious, frustrated, heart-broken again. All these feelings and I all that work I did just falls away. I ignore the messages but yesterday another one came and I just felt rage. No more heart ache no lore longer, just this burning fire to say STOP. NO MORE. Because you can;t just keep opening this furnace to check and see if the wood is still burning and the flames are still there. You had your chance to ask me and have my love, and you shat on it. So NO. I can assure you the flames are burning brighter than ever and that’s all you need to know.
The thing that gets me, is that during my meditation I would ask the universe for someone to come into my life who I could listen to and love. (See previous post about the moon.. haha) And then.. I got a message from him within 3 days. Same thing happened after valentines day, I would meditate - ‘I am grateful for all the amazing people in my life already who I love, but I would love to LOVE, I am ready universe, show me some signs or directions for that’ Next day. Message from him, “Just wondering how you are?” And then a whole lot of previously said uncomfortable emotions. For anyone reading this who understands how the universe works and what it’s trying to tell me through continually bringing El back into my life, please message me.
In my realm of beliefs, those done moments are like turning the page of your earthy existence book. It’s when the con’s finally outweigh the pro’s and you have this godlike perspective on your own life to see that this activity or habit is no longer serving you any purpose and you need to move away from it. Done moments make you stronger and help you grow and achieve grace.
