The knowledge of Wei Wuxian giving up his golden core for Jiang Cheng is one that keeps him up at night, but the one that hurts him the most is wondering how much of it was purely because he cared for Jiang Cheng.
How much of what Wei Wuxian sacrificed was purely because he wanted to help Jiang Cheng?
How much of what Wei Wuxian did for him was willing?
How much of what Wei Wuxian did was out of a debt, a debt to the family and Sect that saved him from the streets, a life debt that in his eyes could never be paid back?
How many interactions between them were tainted by this debt that ran deeper than them, ran deeper than what a human can and should reasonably be able to do?
Was there ever a point where Jiang Cheng was ever just Jiang Cheng and not the son of the Sect Leader who saved Wei Wuxian and gave him the final orders to always protect him?
And did Jiang Cheng ever once give Wei Wuxian any sign that he too wished they could just be brothers friends?
Or has Jiang Cheng himself gained the same debt as Wei Wuxian, one that will haunt him on hot summer days near the lotus ponds with no company but silence, one that will haunt him as he closes his eyes and dream of happier simple days, one that will forever remain unpaid because the person he owes refuses to accept it.
What is the point of a debt if it's not recognised by the one its owed to?