Warnings: Immediate smut. Followed on from Our Utopia PT 2 mentions of rape, assault and trauma.
Words: 3.9 k
A/n: I was in hospital dealing with some things, but now I’m back!! There was too many text blocks to fit both of these in one part sorry.
It had been a while since your.. more than awkward talk with Yoongi, when he invited you over to his apartment.
Stepping into his room, you were nervous at the prospect of so much privacy with him. But when he took your hand to lead you into the bedroom, one with rose petals surrounding the bed, your nerves disapperated. Romantic music played softly in the background, soothing your ears.
He smiled awkwardly. “Is it cheesy?”
Tears flowed from your eyes. “No.. it’s wonderful.”
Launching into a speech about how he admired your strength and will to fight through your trials, you felt bad to feel your desire growing.
Why was him speaking so damn attractive?
Speech finished, he grabbed your hand, a seductive grin washing over his face.
“I want to be perfect.” He whispered to you through passionate kisses.
You shook your head. “You already are.”
Surging forward, he pushed his body against you. Hands gripping your waist and the back of your head as he thirsted for your touch. He craved your body in the same way you craved his.
Fingers tracing the outline of his toned stomach, he took purchase at a spot on your neck. You moaned into his mouth, his lips leaving a loving hickey. His hands slipped under your shirt, sliding it away from your body. Right as you cringed at the open air, he kissed a line up your collarbone.
“You’re beautiful. More beautiful than any angel.”
You giggled, raising an eyebrow teasingly. “How many angels have you seen in your life?”
He couldn’t suppress his smirk as he replied, “Only you.”
You laughed, cringe taking over, even when it was the sweetest compliment.
His hands danced over your stomach as his innocent eyes searched yours for permission. You nodded, eyes squeezed shut.
Yoongi sighed out loud happily as he slipped your shorts down from your hips. You whimpered, feeling his fingers press against your panties. He looked up, eyes staring a hole into your mouth. “Don’t worry baby. I’ll make you feel amazing.”
Pulling your panties down, he kissed upward towards your pussy. His fingers slid over your opening, pressing inwards slightly.
You shuddered. “Y-Yoongi..”
He looked up. “What’s wrong baby?”
“I want.. I want you.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, he smirked. “And you’ll have me. I just don’t want it to hurt.”
In the middle of his sentence he slipped his finger inside your pussy, other fingers dancing over your swollen entrance as you bit back a moan.
Grinding your hips upwards you twisted into his rough fingers, loving the way they sped against your most sensitive area.
His other hand wandered from holding your thighs spread to your breast, massaging it, pulling at the erect bud of your nipples. You whined again, your senses on fire as he gave you attention slowly and lovingly.
“You’re so wet..” He marveled. The attention he lavished on your pussy made you shiver.
He entered a second finger, causing the both of you to sigh in unison when it slid in all the way to his knuckle.
An electrifying feeling shot through your body as he began to pump his two fingers inside.
“Shit baby.. I..” He groaned at the lewd noises your pussy was making. “I.. I want to take you right now. I just want to fuck you until you don’t want anything else but me.”
You whimpered, grabbing his hair slightly to edge him towards your face.
“Then do it. I’m yours.”
His lips smashed against yours, tongue instantly slipping inside your mouth. It swirled inside before he leaned back, your spit slightly visible on his lips.
Still perfect, you thought.
He undid his belt as his eyes never left yours. Finally he slid his boxers down, revealing his semi hard cock. It wasn’t too long. It wasn’t too big. It was pretty normal.
And that’s what turned you on the most.
How did he make normal so fucking attractive?
“I’m going in baby.”
You whined your agreements.
His cock pressed against your entrance, pressure enough for you to tremble. After what seemed like years but were only seconds, his cock was enveloped by your pussy.
Yoongi leaned against your chest, groaning as he subtly rocked into you. “T-tell me when I can move.”
Mind swarming in pleasure and serenity, you forced your eyes open to stare at the absolutely divine man on top of you. “M-move.”
He hissed as his cock sunk deeper inside. Finally he drove back out, plunging in and out and his buff arms wrapped around you.
You cried out small moans, unable to contain yourself. You’d never felt anything like this. The ecstasy unwinding inside your body was completely alien.
You gasped into his shoulder as he rammed into your G-Spot. “Y-Yoong!”
He leaned back, eyes connecting with yours as he drilled into you relentlessly, sweat dripping from his tanned skin. “Yeah b-baby?”
“I-” Yoongi thrusted particularly hard and you let out a large cry of pleasure. “I-I’m going to..”
A grin spread across his perfect lips. “Are you gonna cum baby?”
You nodded, needily grinding back against his cock. He let his hand wander down to your pussy. Strumming his finger against your clit, he looked back up at you.
“Then do it. You don’t need my permission.” He groaned, feeling your pussy tighten particularly hard.
You gripped his back, moaning and sighing, a complete mess. His speed never tampered or wavered however. Yoongi continued at his stoic rate, groaning every time you clenched, hands never slowing either as they pinched and pressured your swollen clit.
“Y-you’re so fucking tight.” He groaned.
You shuddered against him, his cock reaching new depths with every thrust.
“Y-Yoongi!” You moaned, the string snapping as you shuddered against him, bucking slightly as your orgasm overtook you.
As you rode out your orgasm, panting and whining, Yoongi smiled lovingly into your eyes, kissing your neck as he continued thrusting into you. His fingers never left your clit either, providing you the fulfilling constant pleasure.
“Y/n.. I-I’m going to-” He groaned, thrusting faster as your senses finally seemed to calm down. Both of his hands were back to gripping your arms, his beautiful fingers still shining with your own slick.
“Y-you c-can.” You replied.
With that, Yoongi sped up, desperately thrusting into you as if there would never be this experience again. His dark, lustful eyes never left yours as he only closed his eyes to moan. His hips swiveled as he finally moaned out loudly.
“Y-Y/n. Shit. Shit. Y/n.” He thrust into you slowly, retracting after a few seconds of slow bucking.
He ran his hand along your jawline. You panted, tired and sweating. Your hair stuck to your face. There was no way you looked good.
As if he read your mind, he kissed you slowly. “You.” He pulled back. “Are the only beautiful angel I’ve ever seen. I love you.”
Your eyes lit up, another sensation overwhelming you. Love. It was love. And Yoongi felt it too.
You hugged him wordlessly, grinning against his muscular body.
This was perfect.
It had been months since your first well.. encounter with Yoongi. There had been more of course. You were having lunch with your brother, happy to get the chance to have a conversation with him.
“Namjoon. I actually want to tell you something.”
His dimples flashed. “Tell me anything.”
“I.. I had a passion for music at the start. It was really my first love.” You took a deep breath. You hadn’t admitted this to anyone. “But it’s not my love anymore. I’ve fallen out of it. My heart.. it lies elsewhere now.”
It wasn’t just your falling out with the music you sang though. Your past was a broken light. Something that, if you could fix it, you could lead others out of their darkness too.
And that’s all you wanted.
Happiness.
But not just for yourself.
“I want to help people… who went through something similar to what I did. No one should be alone through that. I’ll do the 7 year contract. I’ll be an idol still until it’s over. But after that.. it’s over.”
Namjoon threw his arms around you, bringing you into a close hug, smiling at you with a warmth only a brother could share.
“I’m not really too surprised. I could feel it coming. I just want you to be happy too.” He gestured around him. “I was born for this. The sounds of my fans singing my songs that I pour my heart out to. One day I’ll do more. I’ll have more in my life. But right now, this is my life.”
He beamed at you. “It’s just not your life. You’re meant for more than people cheering. You're meant to save lives in a different way to the comfort we can provide for a brief second through lyrics.”
Namjoon hadn’t had the easiest life. Even the most perfect things are
somehow damaged. He didn’t always have the easiest time. Sometimes he wanted more than he could have.
But his destiny, his true love?
It lay with his band mates and his fans.
The perfect combination of support and comfort. No one could comfort you more than someone who barely knew you.
He already found his destiny.
“It’s been a year since their debut, but they’re already winning so many awards! And here’s another one! Best Single goes to the rookie band, UT-Opia!”
You grabbed your band mates hands, giggling and laughing happily. It was amazing how much everyone loved you.
The large screen flickered behind the hosts, catching your attention. Pictures and videos of the night that still haunted your nightmares and dreams alike flashed on it.
Gasps and yells erupted from the crowd around you, your face being so recognisable that they knew it was you in only seconds.
You wanted to cry. No, even better, you wanted to hide away where no one could find you again. Where no one could jeer at you, or even gasp when they saw you.
But you couldn’t.
Everyone was watching. Most of your country was watching.
This couldn’t be the solution.
Your legs trembled as you got up from your seat, passing your stunned band mates. Hands fumbling as you stepped on stage, the microphone you gently took from a host suddenly impossible to hold.
You felt as though you shouldn’t do this. Like this was a bad idea.
But, fuck it.
What’s the worst that could happen?
You told everyone how the night had happened. How it had haunted you for years. How drugs had torn you apart before your rehab stay. Your days wasted in hospital and therapy.
But it wasn’t a waste in the end.
Your therapist was part of your healing even. You had rebuilt your trust with the singular, wise man who counselled you. The person who helped you find out that even when it seemed every man you met hated you, there were still a few good people left.
The way this inspiring man had influenced you so heavily you had decided to get a degree in psychology yourself. And then you realised the other element of your life.
“RM. My older brother.” You said. “The thing that kept me clinging to my life. I’m probably not the only one, it was Namjoon.”
Your eyes caught on the countless light sticks belonging to BTS fans.
“My family. I would hang on for him. I didn’t want to die.”
You sighed. “Then again. Who does want to die? All we really want to do is stop hurting. Not stop living. But that’s what I wanted countless times. I wanted to end it all so I wouldn’t struggle any longer.”
“But I didn’t want him to blame himself. I wouldn’t be able to end it, because I knew Namjoon wouldn’t survive it.”
You looked out across the countless blank faces in the crowd. “We’ve all suffered. It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself. We’re all broken. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be fixed. To all those women, men and any person who has struggled through what I had to. It’s a big deal, despite what others say. It’s never your fault. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. No one deserves to be mistreated. Not even when you feel like you deserve nothing. You’re precious.
“There’s a way to heal. But it’s up to you to find the strength within you to heal.” You opened your eyes, letting tears wash over your face. “Don’t give up that fight.”
The entire venue was dead silent. Then someone began clapping. Your eyes snapped to where BTS sat. Namjoon was standing, clapping. The rest of BTS stood up as well, clapping.
People all around stood up, clapping to show their support.
Not as many as would be desirable, but you knew how badly some of these idols could face backlash if they supported you.
Giving the microphone back to the host, you walked off stage, head held high.
Backstage your manager apologised desperately. She said she didn’t know how that footage was able to be shown. Or how someone could have gotten their hands on it.
You just shrug, numbed.
“They’ll find the culprits! Don’t worry Y/n.” She comforted you.
Your band mates rushed backstage along with BTS.
The majority of them had no idea of your past. They had no idea how you were feeling. If you were even close to okay.
You turn to Yoongi, grabbing onto his shirt, ready to collapse.
“P-please take me to an AA. I-I don’t want to.. to do something I’ll regret.”
Yoongi quickly nodded, grasping you tightly against his body. He wasn’t out of his depth with AA meetings. He had been to some before himself.
“I’m going to.” Namjoon demanded.
You nodded, not caring at this point.
Only minutes later, Yoongi was driving you there as you lay in Namjoon’s arms. He cradled you, letting you sob against him.
The way you cried like he’d never seen.. Namjoon felt his heart break for his baby sister.
Your heavy eyes opened to blasting light from your phone. You moved Yoongi’s arm from around you, as you had slept in his room with him, not wanting to be alone.
You picked up your phone. The ID simply said Big Hit.
Feeling your stomach drop, you slid out of Yoongi’s warm embrace. What had you done..
You shakily told him, his eyes widening, lump forming in his throat.
Slipping out of bed, you got ready to go. Ignoring both Namjoon and Yoongi’s offers to drive with you there.
You had to do this by yourself.
Dependence wasn’t something that resided with you.
So you drove there by yourself, mind and heart on the brink of exploding.
Arriving was extremely stressful. Never before had an elevator ride seemed to take so long.
Your entire group was seated along with every important Big Hit executive you’d ever heard of. You could feel the room’s eyes on you, but bravely, you sat down to listen through whatever reason you were there.
“The people at the award show managing the cameras were bribed. We secured the backstage footage and they’re currently in jail, waiting to be charged.”
You took a deep breath. Sounds good so far.
“And the… men from the footage shown on the screen have been identified and tracked down. They’re also waiting in a jail-”
You broke down in tears. Finally. It had been so long. But that wasn’t all. Of course.
“You’ll have to testify.. unfortunately.”
A female executive took over. “Your speech was moving, sweetheart. Online support is already flooding through.” She smiled sadly. “Of course there will be some hate. But already #justiceforY/N is trending Worldwide.”
You were shocked. The reaction from citizens was mainly.. positive?
“1, 2, 3.”
Everyone in the jetting bowed their heads in respect from the woman’s count. You began to cry again, from the happiness sparking inside you. Maybe you had already done something good. Maybe you had started a new wave of public justice. Especially for women. They began speaking again, but it was all about basic procedures. Your mind was set on talking to your band mates.
The opportunity finally came, and you were left alone with the girls.
“I-I’m..” You took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for not telling you guys.”
Ji-Eun quickly waved you off. “No, no. It’s not something you needed to tell us.”
Baram nodded quickly. “Y/n, it’s horrible to hear what happened to you. You didn’t deserve to go through that..”
Heeyoung shook her head. “No one should have to go through that.”
Aiko still looked at you with her bright eyes. “You’re incredible. You’re so strong. I.. we all admire you.”
Luna nodded in agreement. “I’m so glad you’re our leader.” You burst into tears, and the other girls embraced you, giggling at how awkward the group hug was.
But it was nice.
When the door clicked open, you found Namjoon and Yoongi standing outside. They looked proud.
They probably already knew.
You ran over, throwing your arms around them. The most important men in your life. The loves of your life. The sibling love you’d never shared with anyone else, and the soft and loving relationship with Yoongi.
“It’s almost over.” Namjoon whispered.
Well, he was almost true. First day of the trial, the entirety of BTS insisted on going with you.
Moral support, they called it. You rolled your eyes, but only to cover how much it actually meant to you.
You were finally able to confront your demons. And honestly, seeing them again, you realised how pathetic they were. They weren’t the nightmares. They were just the nightmare fuel.
After another powerful speech, this time rehearsed and prewritten. You never wavered. It was your time to shine. And their time to go down.
“Guilty.”
It sounded amazing coming from the judge. Even better from the jury. Sure, the sentence wasn’t anything like 30 years or life. But 15 years sounded great anyway. At least everyone knew they were guilty.
At least you knew they were guilty too.
It wasn’t long after the court trial that your parents came down from your hometown to visit.
They had seen what had happened on TV. First abruptly from the Award show, and secondly from the broadcast Court Trial. They felt the parental need to see you. Needing to know if you were okay.
And because they missed you.
“I’m so proud of you Y/n! All the women in town love and support you so much. You’re so honest! Just the way I raised you! How can you get more successful? I love you so much my little baby boo-”
“How the hell did they let that happen?” Your father interrupted.
Namjoon scoffed. “Bribery. Stupid fucks are in prison now.”
Your mother hushed him. “No swearing.”
You could swear she winked at him though.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
You patted Namjoon’s arm. “Bro, I told them not to-”
“We couldn’t tell you. You would give everything up. And that would’ve broken Y/n further.” Your father sighed.
“And if there’s anything harder than having your children suffer, it’s having them suffer alone.” Your mother said. “We tried our hardest to help her..”
Namjoon launched himself at them, hugging them tightly. “I forgive you guys.” You giggled and wandered over to join the family group hug.
“Mrs Kim?”
Yoongi hesitantly talked to your mother, but he knew he had to. Or he would regret it.
“Thank you so much for looking after Y/n.” He blurted out.
Your mother laughed. “I should be thanking you. I’ve never seen her look at so much love, except for at me of course, before.” He grinned. Bowing slowly to her out of respect. She hit his head.
“Don’t act as if I were old.” She tutted playfully.
“Mum?”
She turned to you. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Thanks. For being there for me. You were.. you were just always there. For the darkest times, you shone through for me. It wasn’t easy.. and when Dad couldn’t be there..”
Yoongi looked away. His mind raced with the relationship with his own parents. This is how it was supposed to be..
Your mother grabbed him into a hug after you. “You take good care of her. I couldn’t be happier.”
You couldn’t help but beam as your overprotective mother got along well with Yoongi. You could already tell your dad loved him.
It seemed they couldn’t stay long enough.
But when they left, it seemed they were simultaneously replaced with Yoongi’s parents. They weren’t nearly as happy as your parents.
“Why would you be with this.. damaged girl?” His father demanded.
His mother scoffed. “Not only that. She’s dirty. So foul..”
Yoongi was upset. Probably rightfully. You heard what they were saying about you. However, when you looked at them, all you saw was two broken people. And that wasn’t easy to look at.
“Shut up!” Yoongi snapped, glaring daggers at them. “Y/n-”
You took hold of his hand. “I love your son. I know that’s probably not easy to accept. And you probably think there’s someone better for him out there. But there isn’t. Yoongi is my true love. And even if you try to pull us away, heck, even if fate tears us apart… my love for your son will never change.”
His mother sighed. “Whatever.”
As Yoongi begrudgingly said goodbye to his parents, you noticed the way his mother hesitated. Like she wanted to say something. Maybe apologise. Then she shut her door and they drove away.
“What about the future?”
You turned to your boyfriend. “The future?”
He nodded. His beautiful, bright eyes looking out across the scenery from the hilltop. “Like what do you want to do?”
“Like kids?” He nodded. “Well.. maybe. How many would you want?”
“Two maybe?”
You giggled. “What about 9?”
Yoongi slipped his arm around you. “It would be a bit of work.. but hell if we can’t try.” Giggling, you snuggled against him. Smelling his musky natural scent. It calmed you. Like a warming reassurance you could neither see nor hear.
“Marriage?” He whispered, words lost in the cold air. But you still heard them.
You relaxed further into his embrace. “It.. would be nice.”
“Maybe a Grammy?” Yoongi laughed.
You kissed his jawline. “They’ll be insane not to give you one.”
“I’d like to go to Australia.” He commented.
You laughed. “It’s hot there Yoongi. I hope you’ll prepare yourself for the heat.”
“It’s already too hot when I’m near you.”
With that you snorted, leaning back into him as he wrapped his arms around your torso in a full in back hug. “That’s too cheesy, even for you.”
He smiled, his gummy smile. “Aren’t you glad you’re here?”
Unable to resist, you kissed his lips quickly. “I’m glad I’m here with you.”
“That’s good, because I never want to leave you alone.”
You could hear the sincerity in his voice. It made you bubble with excitement. There was so much you could still do with him.
Yoongi set his head on your shoulder, lips grazing your ear. “It’s the best place in Seoul.” He murmured, right into your ear.
Feeling the warmth of his body on yours, you sighed happily. “It’s perfect. You can see the sun set over all of Seoul.”
“You’re perfect.” He whispered.
Smiling wider now, you placed a hand in his hair, ruffling it. “We’re perfect together.”
Warnings: Angst, mentions of rape, assault and PTSD. No graphic descriptions but still may be triggering. Smut in next chapter.
Words: 3.2k
You lay in your bed, staring up at the ceiling. Your debut song was playing in the background.
It was successful. The public loved you. And you were happy. The other girls were always so hardworking and excited to debut, it was hard not to get caught up in the euphoria.
Ji-Eun entered the room, pausing in the doorway to look at you. “Are you listening to Sonder again?”
You nodded.
She sighed, sitting down on the bed next to you.
“I don't need to talk right now, Ji.” You warned.
Smiling, she lay back on the bed with you. “I never said a word.”
Pressing play on your CD Player, your only elder in the dorm closed her eyes, relaxing next to you.
Emotions and thoughts swirled in your mind.
You had moved out of BTS’s dorm weeks ago. Now living with the girls in your group, you spent your time practising. Trying your best not to give yourself too much time to think, or any time to miss the seven members of BTS.
But right now, lying next to one of your closest friends, you knew the truth.
You missed them.
“I have the results of your wellness checks. Do you want to give these out, Jungkook?”
Jumping up to grab the papers, Jungkook’s eye caught on a picture of your group. He held it up.
“Hitman Bang?” Jungkook asked. “This was in the middle of the pile.”
Bang Shi Hyuk took the poster, smiling. “They're doing well, aren't they? Namjoon, your sister is very talented.”
Namjoon grinned. “Of course she is.”
“Smart too. I guess she has to be, to get that fancy psychology degree and all.”
Eyes wide, Namjoon blinked slowly. “U-uh? Degree? What Psychology Degree?”
“You didn't know?” Bang Shi Hyuk asked. When all seven boys shook their heads, he sighed. “Y/n has a Psychology degree. She even helped out with your mental health! Free of charge! She's a sweet girl.”
“I almost understand why she didn't tell me but you're her brother?” Yoongi asked.
Namjoon sighed. “I had no idea…”
“Why didn't she tell us?” Taehyung frowned, hurt evident on his face. But the hurt wasn't almost as obvious as Namjoon’s.
He was her brother. They were closer than anyone else was.
Why didn't she trust him?
“Is now a good time to talk?”
You looked up to see Ji-Eun standing at the foot of your bed, smiling as she offered you a milkshake.
“I guess. What do you want to talk about?”
Her dark eyes met yours. “You're unhappy. So I want to know what's wrong.”
You let out a large sigh. “I just.. Feel out of place, you know? You're all so carefree and happy… But I'm not.”
“Y/n that's not true-”
“Lots of stuff has happened to me.” Holding onto all restraint you concentrated your hardest to make sure your voice was steady. “I’ve not been happy… There have been times I just wanted to give up.”
You flinched, Ji-Eun reassuringly slipping her hand into yours. “It's okay Y/n. I'm here for you.”
In that moment you could’ve cried. You could’ve let yourself be vulnerable to her, lay everything in your past out to her. But you wouldn’t. She didn't deserve to have a weighted conscience. So, instead of telling her everything, you let her into the shallower depths of your trauma.
And finally, after an hour of soft sorrows and comfort, Ji-Eun finally spoke. “Y/n. I think I know what to do.”
Your eyes lit up. “What should I do, noona?”
“Do what feels right.” A warm smile spread across her face, showing you the comfort you often missed from other people. “What feels right to you?”
Taking a deep breath, you finally made your way downstairs, bags packed and heart racing.
“Hi... Girls..”
Heeyoung grabbed you into a hug. “You know we love you right?”
It hadn't been your plan to cry.
You had spent the last ten minutes in your room preparing yourself to stay strong. To keep a happy face.
But that plan was already ruined.
Feeling tears streaming down your face, you clasped onto her back. “I know.”
She pulled back, grinning widely. “Then you're free to move out. We’ll still see you at rehearsals?”
It was a question. She wasn't asking if you were going to show up at rehearsals. No. The question was ‘Are we still going to hang out like normal?’.
“I love you, girls, too.” You replied, embracing Luna then Baram. Finally noticing the emptiness of the room, you turned to Ji-Eun.
“Where's Aiko?”
Ji-Eun smiled. “She insisted that you had to drive back with her. She’s not going to take no for an answer.”
Feeling your heart warm, you smiled back. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“So why are you going back exactly?” Baram asked.
“I… I miss my brother. I want to spend more time with him.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. Just not the whole truth.
Taking a deep breath, you entered the dorm. Immediately you could hear footsteps rushing downstairs.
“Y/n! You’re back! I missed you so much!”
Your brother crashed into you, hugging you tightly. “I’m so glad Bang PD gave you permission to move back with us!”
Abruptly you were yanked away from your brother, Taehyung and Jungkook grabbing you into a hug between them. “Thanks so much Y/n!”
“For what?” You asked Jungkook.
“Everything!” He laughed, stepping away as Hoseok and Jin approached. They both gave you short hugs, Hoseok squeezing tightly as he beamed at you.
Yoongi didn’t give you a long hug like the others, rather, he gave you a quick, polite hug that didn’t cross any boundaries.
His reassuring gummy smile immediately made you feel at ease, quickly fitting back into a place of comfort with the guys.
“We arranged a party for you, Y/n!”
You gasped. “A party? Tae, you didn’t have to!”
Jungkook frowned. “The party is not just from him! It’s from all of us!”
Turning to Namjoon, you raised an eyebrow. “Why wasn’t I told about a party? It’s not that big of a deal..”
Namjoon laughed. “Y/n, it’s been months since we’ve had time to meet up. We barely even talk. I guess we’re just both so busy nowadays. So, we want to celebrate seeing you again.”
This was why you had come back. There was nowhere else you felt more at ease, than with the seven members of BTS.
“Hey, my little baby?” Namjoon’s eyes were focusing on you, and you could feel the nerves building up inside of you.
“Uh.. yeah? What’s up?”
“I kinda know about your degree. Well.. we all do.”
Your heart rate sped up, nervously playing with your hands. You took a deep breath. “I-I.. I’m so-”
Namjoon shook his head, his kind eyes filling with even more warmth than you felt possible. “I’m not mad Y/n. None of us are… in fact. I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for us. You’ve really helped us through the times where we felt as if there was no light left. As if we were conmans, fooling the world into believing we were okay when we weren’t. I’m-.. no. We’re happier with you.”
You could feel tears rolling down your cheeks, the stinging in your eyes forcing you to close them.
It was undeniable that your brother had a way with words. But the way he praised you… for what you felt was only the bare minimum. It filled you with a type of happiness you hadn’t experienced before.
“It’s just amazing knowing that you tried to help us.. and I guess I understand why you talked to us so often.” Hoseok said.
Jimin hesitated to speak, but finally did so regardless. “You did want to talk to us though, right? It wasn’t just part of a job or something..?”
Of course you’d thought they might react like this. You were glad they weren’t upset, but you didn’t want them to think you only played councillor to them as a sense of duty.
“No, Jimin. Of course not.. I mean.. At first maybe I was only doing it because of that and to help Namjoon. But after a while..I guess I wanted to help you all out. I really love you guys, with all my heart. I would do anything to help you.”
“Thank you..” Namjoon whispered.
As you left the living room to go to bed, Yoongi softly guided you against his frame. “Thank you so much for everything Y/n..”
You could feel your cheeks starting to flush red. “I… just wanted to protect you.”
He smiled, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead. “I’ll protect you, too.”
It was a typical day with Bangtan. You lay on the couch, watching a movie with five out of the seven boys. (Jungkook and Jin were busy…)
As far as movies go, it wasn’t half bad. You were uncontrollably giggling at some parts, and cringing for the protagonist at others. An all round good time.
Then it happened.
Intrusively, a scene flashed over the large screen of a girl being attacked by someone in the dark. The room lit up with your darkest horrors.
Feeling it all flooding back, the memories plastered centrefold in your mind. Your hands began shaking, throat fighting not to close up. You could feel your heart thumping faster than anything else, and the desire to throw up was uncontrollable.
Throwing yourself to your feet, you dashed out of the room, more than upset. You were almost in tears.
A knock on the door echoed slowly. “Y/n? Sweetheart, can I come in?”
Still shaking, you could do little more than yip out a small ‘yes’.
The door cracked open, and he slowly approached you. He took you against him, stroking your back. “Hush, hush. Breathe slowly.”
“I-I-I”
You wanted to say something. To apologise for ruining the movie. Or for being so hung up in the past. To apologise for anything you could.
But instead, Yoongi placed a finger on your lips. “Don’t apologise. It’s not your fault. It never was. You’re strong. You’re wonderful and amazing.”
His lips curled as he flashed his infamous gummy smile. “I care for you. A whole lot more than you could ever fully realise..”
Your heart beat had slowed while he spoke. The pure tone of his voice was enough to comfort you.
“I.. appreciate t-that. So much.”
He grinned. “I told you, I’ll protect you. Even if it’s from yourself. I needed people to protect me from myself in the past.. you’d know better than anyone.. I’ve never told anyone else...”
You slipped your hand under his chin, tilting his face closer to yours. He blinked. Then, without knowing who initiated it, you were kissing. Your lips curved perfectly against each other. The way they fit together embedded in your brain.
It was more than you thought you deserved. How could such a perfect person love.. you? But then you remembered. Everything he suffered through. All the trials he faced. The backlash from the smallest things.
You still cared for him, despite his brokenness. So why wouldn’t he still love you?
The door creaked open again and the others walked in, Namjoon in the lead. He explained that the others wanted to know, but he wouldn’t tell them. It wasn’t his secret. Once again, you felt the comfort of your brother's love wash over you.
“Y/n?” Taehyung grabbed you into a hug, the other two of the Maknae Line, Jungkook and Jimin slipping in on either side. They tried their best to make you smile.
Jin and Hobi doted on you for the rest of the night. Maybe it was their own special way of paying attention to you. By not asking what was wrong, rather, trying to fix the problem.
You were so loved..
More loved than you had ever felt in your life.
Pain makes the person, someone once said. Well, you guessed women were more powerful than any person could be.
Periods hurt.
Yours arrived just after sunset, resulting in you hurriedly rummaging through your supplies, only to find you had run out.
Wandering downstairs, you called out for Namjoon. Surely he could go get you some.
“Y/n? What’s up?” Taehyung asked, looking up from his phone from his routine spot on the couch.
“Where’s my brother?”
Taehyung frowned. “He’s been out for a while now. Maybe two hours? I don’t think he’ll be back for a while.”
“W-what?” You stuttered, eyes brimming with tears. You knew you were overreacting. But the hormones were making you more distressed than you could bear.
“Y/n? Can we talk for a second?”
Unable to refuse Yoongi, you followed him to your room. (He had set up a rule against you being allowed to be alone in his.)
“Are you okay? You’re acting a bit out of the ordinary.”
Hesitating to tell him, you looked away. “I-.. it’s nothing.”
Yoongi’s eyes took on a painful sheen. “Don’t you trust me? I want you to trust me, and if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine too.”
“I don’t know if… if I could exactly tell you. How would you react..”
Yoongi took your hands in his. “It doesn’t matter what’s wrong. If you’ve killed someone, I’ll even help you bury the body.”
You giggled, unable to ignore his joke, even while your stomach felt as if it may rupture through your skin.
He raised an eyebrow. “I’m joking… or am I? I hope we won’t have to find out..”
Taking a deep breath, you confided in him.
“I can go get the things you want? I know you don’t want to go out..”
It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go out. You both knew that. He was trying to find a nice way of saying ‘I know your PTSD won’t let you go out at night’.
You hugged him. “Thanks so much!”
Even while he stroked your hair behind your ears, smiling, he could feel you weren’t okay. You were never able to take pain killers. Since you had been addicted before, it was too high of a risk to fall back into the old habits. Not that you would let yourself, but sometimes you didn’t have control.
It wasn’t just the physical side either. Your pain had clearly crossed over into an emotionally hurtful aspect.
“I’ll be back soon.”
He kissed your forehead, and with that, you were left alone in your room. Insides still imploding.
Yoongi stood in the convenience store, confused over what to buy. He didn’t want to go overboard. But if you were in pain, he wanted to help you feel better. Finally, he picked out a highly recommended heat pack, along with the supplies you’d asked for.
Seeing the total purchase amount, he smiled slowly. It was worth it, to him. No sum of money meant more to him than your comfort.
“Oh, sweetie.”
When he entered your room, you had just thrown up. It wasn’t pretty, but he pretended he wasn’t looking while he passed you a heated towel. He helped you into your bed, giving you the heat pack.
“Are you feeling better?” He asked.
You shuffled against him, head resting only centimetres away from his chest. “I am, thank you. I owe you.”
“You owe me, nothing.” He whispered.
It was hours later when Namjoon walked in to find you and Yoongi sleeping in your bed together. When the others had told him Y/n was looking for him, he was slightly worried, but nowhere as concerned as he was right now.
“Yoongi?” He gaped. “What the-”
Yoongi shushed him. “I didn’t do anything. I promise. She’s sick from her…” He paused, wondering if you would be okay with Namjoon knowing. But then, his mind took over from his heart. You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of something you were born to have. Your period wasn’t something shameful. It was part of life.
“She’s on her period.” Yoongi finished.
“Oh.” Namjoon’s outrage deflated.
After a while, Taehyung and Jin stopped by to keep Namjoon and Yoongi company. The two of them waiting by your bedside while you slept. Taehyung brought snacks with him, the tempting aroma helping to bring you out of your sleep.
The first thing you saw when your eyes fluttered open was the four boys, laughing as they talked to each other.
Just seeing them smile took away a small amount of your pain. And that small amount meant a lot.
How do you act in a relationship? Why isn’t there a handbook on that? Actually, there probably is one. You just didn’t want to read it.
Yoongi was amazing. An amazing person, and an even more amazing boyfriend. But he was human too. He was only a young man, and you didn’t think he didn’t have any ideas on furthering the relationship.
He never said anything, of course. But you still wanted to know.
So, you waited until you were alone with him in the dorm.
Even though you approached him first, it didn’t prevent your shyness.
“I.. just want to say I get that you’re a person who can.. uh, manage yourself. But I want to..be with you. You’re a person and you have needs as well.”
He flushed red within seconds, mouth dropping open in surprise. “I.. I would never pressure you into something like that. I may be a man, but it doesn’t mean I need anything from you. It doesn’t mean you are required to satisfy me.”
You pushed your palm against his chest, feeling his heart face against your hand. “My.. my choice was taken from me. But now, right now, with you, I want to claim back my choice. I want to be with you. It’s my choice… and I choose you.”
Taking a deep breath, you were ready.
“Because I love you.”
His eyes widened, misty eyes filled with pure love. The words touched him deeply, warming his heart. “I-”
“You don’t need to say it back until you’re ready.” You reassured him.
Yoongi smiled, pulling you into a hug. “It’s not right, tonight. Baby, I appreciate you and what you’re saying so much. But tonight isn’t the right night for me to…” He coughed. “To give into my desires. I promise it’ll come soon enough. I won’t make you wait forever.”
You smiled into his shirt. “I would wait forever for you.”
Even though you spent so much time with the boys from BTS, you kept your promises to hang out with your own band. They all had a precious place in your heart.
You could feel your protectiveness slip out every time you were around them. Blocking sasaeng fan calls to their phones. Swatting away fans who jumped too close at the airports.
Cheering them up when they saw harmful comments wasn’t a chore for you. It was a blessing to say you could comfort them.
A bit like a mother bear.
No one was there for you in the past. When you were assaulted, there was no one to help you.
And they felt the love you had for them. They knew. Even when you didn’t live with them, you still cared for them. You would always look out for them.
