#v:fem

[thetitanlordreturns]

Genderswap ;; OPEN

"If you value your life I would turn back now."

[itachishu]

mika-yamada

That’s it? Mika bit her lip in frustration and felt guilt chew at her insides. Itachi was having a far worse time than her. Mika knew better, she wasn’t being the good friend anymore and the shame of that was slowly outweighing the shame of being attracted to another girl.

She remained rooted in place, indecision making her ache and tremble. It was hard being so close to someone you had started fantasizing about. It was so bizarre how simply changing genders made someone so much more desirable. Mika had never thought of Itachi in a sexual manner before, it just never came up. Itachi as a boy was…something else. Something lovely and kind and the reason Mika had fallen in love. Girl Itachi though, was another thing entirely.

Mika had started wondering how those lips that now wore an unshaded gloss would feel on her neck, her breasts…and other places that weren’t her face. Sometimes at night she wondered if Itachi still had…a penis. Would she keep it? Mika had privately inquired from her mother’s friends about male to female transitioning and learned a lot more than she expected. Some trans women got surgery to change their parts, if they were young enough they’d take hormone pills to reduce the effects of puberty.

Why was she thinking such dirty things about her friend? It was disgusting. Mika knew it wasn’t right. Two girls can’t love each other! Right? Her family didn’t talk much about homosexuals but they weren’t really held in high regard. So gay women were just as wrong weren’t they?

Mika wasn’t gay. She couldn’t be. She was just confused because the boy she loved realized heshould be a she so, so Mika can’t be gay for still loving Itachi despite that change. The parts might change but Itachi… was still Itachi.

Her reasoning was pathetic. Itachi was a girl now, plain and simple. Mika still loved her because Itachi was still the same person. Mika would feel better about this if she hadn’t you know, noticed other girls too. Or kissed one.

It was practice. Didn’t mean anything. That girl… she just wanted to try kissing so she could know how to kiss a boy. That’s what had been said before a pair of dry lips were pressed to Mika’s. Her first kiss. It wouldn’t count if no one else knew.

But they’d kissed again. Several times. It ended when the girl started getting to close and had touched Mika’s chest. It scared her and the other girl had run off crying. Maybe Mika shouldn’t have punched her for that. That meant Mika didn’t like girls if she didn’t like being touched by one. But, no, Itachi is a girl now too so she shouldn’t want to be touched by her. Oh gods.

Mika didn’t know what to think, it scared her more than anything else. She looked up and saw that Itachi was slowly becoming a dot. She walked so slowly, something deeply troubled the raven haired girl and Mika knew what it was. The clan wasn’t very accepting of the transition. They probably tormented her daily, purposely misgendered Itachi and told her to stop pretending to be a woman.

How could she call herself a friend when she was too scared to stay by Itachi’s side? When the girl needed her most? Her feet felt like lead as she started after the other. Tears pricked at her eyes and it urged her to move faster. You’re a bad friend, letting Itachi suffer alone.

"I…Itachi-chan!"By now Mika had broken into a run and caught up in seconds. She stumbled a bit and caught a pale arm to break her fall. Her heart raced and it made her ache all over again. What awful feelings she had.

"I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not, not being a good friend. I just don’t know what…what to do with myself right now but I’m so stupid and you needed me but.." Mika caught herself mid breath and rubbed at her eyes. She was crying. Again.

"Do you want me to walk with you?”It was the least she could offer.

Breathing felt easier now, but her throat was still thick from talking about it. She inhaled through her nose.

Still, Mika was uncomfortable. Itachi could understand that. She could understand adjustment, and was determined that the hurt she felt from being rejected was irrational and inconsiderate. Itachi was not the only one experiencing changes. Her parents were still uncomfortable, and Sasuke was uncomfortable with the new feel of their hugs and had almost stopped entirely.

Mika's words... her apology was what Itachi wanted to hear. She had also noticed her friend's loyal use of -chan. Mika was supportive, if awkward, and Itachi did not know she could feel so much appreciation -- so much relief.

But she wanted to be alone. Itachi loved her friend, and was grateful for her words, but breathing with these breasts over her lungs still felt heavy. She did not want to be with someone, walk with someone, have anyone breathe beside her as comfortably as they do.

Itachi helped Mika up from the grip she had on her arm and gently pulled away. "No, thank you, Mika. I would rather walk alone." She tried not to sound impatient.

She didn't give Mika time to answer or call after again. Itachi rushed off, and once she turned a corner she leaped to the roofs. Wherever she would go, she did not want anyone finding her.