So I didn't want to talk about this before, but I think I should explain a little bit because I'm gonna be less active here I think. This is like personal/family stuff so you don't have to read if if you don't want to. I also ask that no one reblogs this cuz it's mainly for my mutuals bc I've been enjoying being here and interacting with you all on Tumblr. The tl;dr is basically that I'll be less active for a little while at least.
So my grandpa has been dealing with cancer for a good few months now, it used to be fine, we didn't think it was gonna be that bad because I was told they caught it really early so it should've been fine, but he's been getting worse every day. I also moved in with my grandparents a little bit ago to help them so I've been watching this firsthand. Recently chemotherapy stopped working, and the cancer became really aggressive. I don't know all the details because I wasn't home, but they took him to the hospital today and he's gonna be there for a while (it was really weird for me coming home to an empty house and eat lunch by myself- I was used to it when I lived alone, but that hasn't happened once since I moved in). Understandably, my grandma has been crying since she came back. A bunch of my family showed up to support her (and I wanted to as well, but I've been studying for my tests next week, and they seemed to have it figured out).
So yeah. Things are pretty tough right now. I'm not sharing this to ask for money or anything, we're a decently big family and we're mostly well-off enough that fortunately that's not a concern, it's just been kind of rough for everyone emotionally right now, and I'll be less active and putting most of the stuff I wanted to do here on pause. Tumblr has brought me a lot of joy this year and I'm really grateful for everyone who has made me feel welcome and interacted with me and my posts, so it really sucks that I have to do this, but I do intend on coming back whenever everything becomes calmer, in one way or another.
It's so difficult to talk about female characters when a lot of people are only at level 1 feminism, worship "woke" male youtubers who only speaks about female characters for clout but never really studied woc's experiences, and people just think in black and whites all the time and think it's some mortal sin to acknowledge that women in media can be as complex as men can be just bcs that's often times shown implicitly (details that arent shove at your face).
Weird that it feels like coming out to say you like guys as a trans girl? Feels weird. Like I'm admitting on the gay kinky sex website that I'm into hetero stuff in the missionary position. Which. I am. The intimacy is so nice.
Feels... transgressive? Like I'm letting down the gay team? I dunno. Im still queer as fuck. Maybe it's just anxiety talking.
Anyway. Dumb post made me think about my dumb self and I'm pretty sure I'm like. 80% straight. I mean. I can bond with anyone. But as for preference, I skew heavily toward men.
I'll celebrate the revelation, at least. 34 and still learning about myself. Such is life.
just got hit and yet i don't feel anything, no emotions at all, just emptiness, just whatever let me get back to what i was doing. i should get out of this house.
Revisiting this blog now that we have had time to grow and heal
Hey guys, I am the host for the people who used to post on here and I have recently decided to revisit this blog since I have seen some people talking about it again in a positive light. After reading through all of the posts on here, I have come to the realization that a lot of us (including and especially me) were kind of being assholes when we made this blog, even if our intentions were to help people and we did some small amount of good at the time with collecting resources and advice.
The bottom line is, we were judgemental dicks who tried to tell people how they should or shouldn’t handle their spirituality, something very important and close to the heart. Our impulsiveness and misguided desire to help others I feel like did a lot more harm than good. And the only thing to do about that is to apologize and promise to be better people as we try to move forward with our lives. I suffer from paranoia due to PTSD and when we are not on our meds I am an insufferably horrible person to be around.
I was constantly fighting and seeking drama without even realizing it because I thought it was normal. When every single day you get fifteen phonecalls that have people screaming at you/gaslighting you and you also grew up surrounded by family who would do similar things, fighting and lashing out becomes the norm because it’s all that you really know. In these situations, nothing can help you but yourself and taking the drastic actions you’re too scared to do in order to finally take your life back. I was an idiot and I thought that I was fine because I had a therapist and I was “getting help” when in reality, I wasn’t really being helped at all and I was just spiraling and spiraling into more denial because my therapist couldn’t really keep my abuser away from me and any progress I made in therapy was pretty much instantly undone the second my abuser tried to call me or sometimes break into my house uninvited. And it was a catch 22 because no one wanted to be around us for very long when we weren’t medicated and it was hard to find real support or connections for very long since we kept fucking it up in some way and none of the experimental “system rules” we came up with ever seemed to do any good with preventing it.
But that isn’t normal. And I shouldn’t have let myself or anyone in our system become this kind of person. I honestly kind of hate my past self even reading some of the things I wrote on here and typing out this post lol.
Also, I felt like we constantly had some invisible bar we had to reach to ever be accepted by anyone which is part of why we had such a unreasonably strict approach to this blog. When everyone leaves you because you are a toxic person to be around and you are aware that something is wrong but you don’t know what it is, it makes you try to people please in the desperate hope that it can make you less of a broken person.
So again, I want to apologize to everyone we hurt with this blog. We can act like adults now and we are in a much better place. We have mostly retired from the internet lately and I think this trend is probably going to continue since it is just better for our mental health when we don’t post things that thousands of strangers can see and be hurt by if we fuck it up. We have finally managed to cut our abuser out of our lives for good in a way where we can finally feel safe and not feel like someone is going to come after us at any time or stalk us even if it took years to do.
But I’m done with fighting people all the time because the truth is, it doesn’t help anyone in the end, especially not with online discourse. All it does it make things worse and get people hurt. Hell, I’m even done with the community itself because I can’t trust myself not to fall back into the same patterns and fuck it up again. From now on, we are going to put all of our newly found energy and time into becoming the best people we can be and just existing away from the online soulbonding community and most online communities in general.
No more people pleasing. No more being on edge all the time. No more blogs. No more telling people what they should or shouldn’t do or what is or isn’t going on. This is soulbonding. No one even knows wtf we are really dealing with or a lot of the hard gritty things behind why soulbonds are a thing in the first place. All we have is theories and our theories aren’t better or worse than other people’s theories. Even if people don’t see soulbonding the way we do, in the end that is no longer our business because soulbonding should be a personal thing that people should explore themselves.
So while reading through this blog, please take everything here with a grain of salt. Yes, there are bits of good or helpful information here, but some of us were assholes and I 100% admit that and want to not be one anymore.
Got myself extremely extremely way too much interest into the MBTI theses past month at crazy level i tought about it and my ENFP sister catch me into long long conversation about it.
My personal conclusion :
1- thats stuff is Real thats blow my mind thats not just a sillly litle funny psychological test 🤨
2- i think my mom make me beleive unitentionally i was ISFP XXXP dont have problem with messy environnement ( i think)
3- i just found out i m actually obssesed by order clean Space
3- i think maybe perhaps i emotionally manipulated untentionally the MBTI test to type me INFJ because i wanted to be smart like all my fav detective character so i answers yes to all intuitives question
4- i m actually ISFJ....ok
5- what that ?? A nurse ??? A guardian ??? They all have a tittle aaaaah the Defender....ok
6- that may be the reason i created a blog only to defend a certain prince and the potential of his family ok i m literally the Defender
Idk if i told or made clear but just as a personal post the reason why I have a deep love for the reboot DmC is simply because I actually see myself in reboot Dante
I'll spare the details basically i was pretty much a trouble maker myself and had come from low income background. Video games are passed around my school peers if anyone was lucky enough to buy expensive shit and we bought pirated stuff most of the time even the main classic franchise
That trailer 2010 really spoke to me. A lot of psychological media has been out in 2000s but it's always in either horror glorified way or you get rare ones where they frame it as a condition that they can live with and accept
Couple the fact that media depictions of underdogs, people who don't have a lot or are people of the fringes of society and BAM
There's the reboot Dante, struggling to live and living off from one way to another. I'm sure NT is depicting their observed poverty in UK and USA as I don't live in trailer parks 😅 but I live in a densely packed sardine neighborhood where you can hear anyone and anything where trouble can be heard and become news in minutes.
I am so lucky to even experience video games and my friends talk shit over these wacky rich kid westerns (at that time we mostly see the ones complain the reboot are from america. in the end idk where we all come from lol) over how they whine about the way reboot Dante looks when we immediately get what NT was doing.
I enjoy the mainline for its big macho fantasy what's-its
But I always highly appreciate scrappy underdogs who fling back their own shit at bullshit people (and demons!) crap out
