release
i. my big-mood is slapping my clit hard wondering what you’re up to practicing a stand-up comedy routine for no reason researching how to formulate a memoir dreaming about the perfect wife or a polyamorous relationship for the first time are there twelve bisexual-brother-husbands waiting for me in the afterlife? and the monsters i see when my paranoia gets this bad was that a random hand i just saw out of the corner of my eye handing me a blood-soaked wedding dress? anything but you only you and not being able to finish despite no impulse control ii. we both weren’t prepared for your bad aim but thank you for your ounce of kindness just the same it’ll never be the same iii. sometimes, i just need a good cry and what better way is there? my emotions are wound so tight my own arms i cannot reach someone else must unravel me if i have any hope of a release sometimes, i just need a good cry and what better way is there than
with a stranger holding me afterwards?
if only i had three wishes...
iv. the faint noise of your stupid-fucking-obnoxious car to make up for your pathetic, meaningless existence in the distance of my memories and i still wish it could be you in that mustang driving away from me v. god, that summer in the back of my cavalier with a guy who was six-and-a-half feet tall he cheated on me with fourteen-year-olds and when my depression gets this bad
i need to be fucked in a way you can’t unblocking the thirty-some-odd numbers in my phone who will run me over? vi. i am the sleeping beauty a feminist least favorite but i slayed my own dragons
without you and i know
it’s just our characters you are your own protagonist
well, fuck you i wish upon a star that you were at the bottom of my ivory tower, holding me close with one hand slaying my brother husbands all the strangers fantasy of perfection and fairytales in the other your dragons burn him to a crisp and bury the cavalier in a moat somewhere bringing all the other lost princesses with us for me to have fun with they are my audience but you laugh the loudest mice sewing my wedding dress searching for other worlds to get lost in because you found me noble steed revving us off into the sunset and
a new layer of skin emerges like pages
as i shed tears
i’m ready
for my next chapter,
i write alone.