multi-spec issues, negativity, asking for help regarding identity
So, even if I struggle and tell my point of view and why I identify as bi and why “two or more genders” is an important definition for me, people in the irl bi group I go to still stress that “bi and pan are basically the same”, that “people who are attracted to a few genders but not all are rare anyways”, that “both people who id as bi and pan just don’t reject people for their gender”.
But I’m basically virflexible. I’ve been dating a nonbinary girl for almost 3 years, but most of my few instances regarding attraction (I’m demisexual and aroflux) are to men, and I’d rather date nonbinary people with complex experiences than binary people who most likely won’t be able to relate to what I go through, or nonbinary people who don’t care about gender (that will also most likely not be able to relate to what I go through).
However, since I’m not particularly seeking men, and there isn’t even a community for virflexible people, I wouldn’t like using virflexible very much. I also wouldn’t like to use uranic, since I have felt attraction to women before (including one that I perceived as binary, even though I have no contact with her anymore and I have no way of knowing how she identifies).
This leaves me either with paro, which is sort of accurate even if it wasn’t the original intent of the label, and ply, which is open to anyone who experiences attraction to multiple genders, and also to people who do not experience attraction to all genders.
I know there is sort of a ply community, but I would really like to know is that if my experience is, like... included in the community, of course not as the definition, but also not as some sort of weird aside thing that no one needs to bring up because “what matters is that gender doesn’t matter”. I’d also like to know if ply discussions often include diamoric relationships & experiences, since the lack of people discussing anything but sapphic, achillean and duaric experiences, only mentioning attraction to nonbinary people as something that happens but not as something that matters that much, is also something that bothers me.