But would you slept with another guy on Yukis place which destroyed Zeros life, just to have a knock in your head and realize your feelings. And after that, would not you have a guilt and feel undeserving? I bet that Yuki feel guilty only for kana, never for the fact that she have sex with Zeros enemy, in the time when he loved her so much?
Let me correct this, she didn’t slept with Kaname “just tohave a knock on her head and realize her feeling”. I believe she didn’t havethat intention, but that was the realization came after. It’s gonna take a longexplanation so please excuse me.
Ever since the awakening, Yuuki convinced herself that shewas the same as Kaname, a pureblood, and moreover his fiance. She alwaysthought that she loved Kaname for past 10 years, and she just decided to starteverything over with Kaname right before he start killing pureblood. In chapter52, she said to Kaname
“I would welcome anything you felt like doing to me”
I thought that sentence showed how Yuuki “gave up” her lifeto Kaname. She knew her heart split between Kaname and Zero, but she chose tostay with Kaname, she thought that was the right decision. I thought one of thereason was because she was a pureblood, she was a beast just like Kaname. Shewas a vampire, a creature which Zero hate. She built a thought that she lovesKaname, moreover with the promises they made in their childhood; she should bewith him; she tied herself to him and pushed away the thought about Zero. Shetried her best to be equal with Kaname, but she was being left behind, notknowing anything while she saw herself how Kaname “killed” Aidou’s father. Inchapter 87, she cleared up her relationship with Zero, said that she was belongto Kaname, to push away her thought again of being together with him and triedto put a mask perfectly to her heart. Too bad, her love was overflowing andleaked from the mask.
It was not about “would you slept with a guy who destroyyour loved one’s life?” but more like, she slept with a guy who was a preciousperson for her; she slept with a guy who she had ever tried gave her life to.The moment where Kaname left her when they just decided to start everythingover gave a big impact to her. Moreover, she kept the thought that she had donesins which can’t be atone (refference to chapter 52) , she was infatuated withher thought which clouded her feeling. She was always in confusion andconflicted love, and it got worse after the masquerade party when she finallyadmitted her feeling to Zero as love.
Yuuki : Why did you give up on the idea of living with me?
Kaname : My love isn’t…you don’t laugh from your heart
And thus they slept together. That moment, Yuuki had givenup her life and comitted to make Kaname human, and she could comitted it “fully”because she had erased Zero’s memories. Ever since she became a vampire, Irealize there was always one thing in Yuuki’s mind about Kaname, “I haven’tdone anything”. She felt that she have to do something for him, and make him ahuman was her answer.
Really, it wasn’t just about “Slept with a guy and forgetthe other one” nor “Slept with one of them so I will realize my true feeling”.It wasn’t that simple. When Kaname said “Ifyou don’t know where your heart belongs, I will show you Yuuki” I thoughtin that moment Yuuki trust him, she welcome what he felt doing like doing toher. If you ask my opinion if I were in Yuuki’s place, I might do the same. Notto have a knock and realize my feeling, but because I had decided to gave mylife to him although it means I have to say goodbye to my beloved. Relationshipbetween Yuuki, Zero, and Kaname was complicated
“There’s no way we can turn to what it was”
Excuse me but what do you mean about “feel guilty forKaname”? towards what kind of thing? Because she slept with Kaname? If that’swhat you meant then I don’t think she did. That time, she gave up her life, thoughtthat was the best decision. But Kaname knew Yuuki’s true feeling, to the levelhe hugged her and Zero both and said they should be together.
“I’ve always been squinting my eyes at theradiance. That’s why I’ve come to understand….you two should be together. Iwant you two to be together”
If she didn’t feel guilty and undeserving, she wouldn’t ranaway when she figured out that she was pregnant (please check 1st specialchapter for refference). Yori-chan said it herself
“But I think…the real reason Yuuki went tolive with Souen senpai faraway isn’t that she didn’t want to endanger thepeople around her. It’s that she didn’t know how to face Zero-kun”
And Aidou also commented about Yuuki’s thought. Please takenote that it took more than 50 years for Yuuki to finally accepted Zero andmade things official. All the burden, painful, guilty, and also twisted loveshe felt made it hard for her. But Zero, been an understanding, supporting andloving person Yuuki would ever wish. He was constantly there, by Yuuki’s sidewith unwavering love he gave and showed her. He was a pillar for her life, andfinally Yuuki started to give in, to finally let herself to be with the one shetruly love. You can’t lie to your heart, because in the end it keeps callingfor your loved one, wishing to be together with you