“I'd rather feel something for real than pretend it's not what it is. Which Zen guy said "If you want to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water"?”
― A.S. King, Please Ignore Vera Dietz
It was just after nine when Feyre was hurrying toward the front door, where a loud knocking was bound to wake everyone up. It was the weekend. What kind of asshole would disrupt the peace of the weekend?
Cassian would.
As soon as Feyre opened the door, her surprise quickly turned to confusion, then worry. “Is Rhys okay? I was just about to leave-”
“He’s fine. Pissed, but fine. I’m here to see your sister.”
Feyre lifted a brow, leaning against the doorframe. “And what business could you possibly have with Elain? Besides, she’s at Mor’s.”
“Not Elain,” he said, clearing his throat. “Nesta.”
Feyre nearly fell over. “Nesta? I wasn’t even aware that you two knew one another.”
Cassian sighed. “Feyre, I would love to catch up, but I need to talk to Nesta.”
Feyre had not seen much of Cassian since the accident. Every time she was with Rhysand, he made himself scarce - probably due to the increase of PDA. But, she did know that there was something in Cassian’s eyes that she had never seen. Something she could not quite describe, could not recognize.
“Come in,” Feyre said, stepping aside. Cassian entered without saying a word. “She’s upstairs. First room on the left.”
After a soft thank you, Cassian began his walk through the house. Feyre watched him worriedly before quietly letting herself out.
~
Although he was off his crutches, the walk up the stairs still made Cassian wish for his bed and a bottle of Advil.
He hadn’t slept at all the night before. He lied awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking of Nesta and Hale. It was annoying more than anything; yet, as soon as the sun began to rise through his bedroom window, Cassian was getting dressed and ready to go.
Nesta was exactly where Feyre said she would be. She was sitting in a window nook, an oversized sweatshirt and a blanket swallowing her whole. A book was open on her lap.
Although the door was open, Cassian gave the doorframe a little knock.
Her look of utter surprise was almost worth the journey alone.
She slowly closed her book, setting it down gently next to her. “You’re...in my house.”
“I am,” he said, shifting uncomfortably. “I needed to talk to you.”
Nesta showed no emotion. She sat, perfectly still, watching him. “Are you okay?”
Her voice was quiet, polite, but it still sent chills down Cassian’s spine. Was he okay? He didn’t know, wasn’t sure. He could not define the word. Okay.
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” he said.
“And that’s my issue?” she asked, brows raised.
“No,” he answered, plainly. “But I thought that you would understand.”
For a moment, he thought that she would scoff at him, but she didn’t. She nodded. “I do understand.”
She moved aside, allowing him room. He took the opportunity, joining her. The moment he sat, a sigh of relief left him.
Neither of them said a word. Cassian stretched out his legs as he leaned against the window. “I’m going to see Hale.”
Nesta lifted a brow. “Yeah?”
Cassian nodded. “Not sure what I’m going to say, but I’m going to see him.”
Nesta said nothing, and Cassian thought that she could care less. But, she surprised him when she reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his, gently.
They sat in a deep, comfortable silence.
“My name is Cassian,” he began, feeling childish, but oddly brave, too. “I drink when I feel alone, which is most of the time. My father was an abusive asshole. My mom is dead. I am sad that she died. My father is dead. I thank the gods that he died. My sister knows nothing of a good, healthy family. I have no idea who I am. I have no idea who I want to be. All I know is that I want to be better.”
A moment passed before Nesta nodded. “My name is Nesta. I fell in love with my best friend...who came to rape and degrade me, as time passed. I also have no idea who I am, or who I want to be.”
“You have given me a sense of peace, Nesta,” Cassian whispered, and it was true. She had come when all hope was lost. She had given him a glimpse of hope.
Her fingers tightened on his.
“Would you like me to go with you?” Nesta asked. “To see Hale?”
Cassian met her gaze for the first time when he begged, “Please.”
~~~
Feyre held Rhysand, her arms wrapped around him as they laid on the couch.
“They won’t leave him,” he said. “I don’t understand it.”
But he did understand.
They were afraid, just as he used to be. It wasn’t until recently that he saw his father for who he truly was: a coward.
Feyre said nothing, but he knew that she cared. There wasn’t much to say, nothing that changed anything, anyways.
Feyre gently stroked his forearm with the tips of her fingers.
“I don’t know what to do,” he continued, quietly, letting out a long, deep breath.
Feyre pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. Just one, ever so softly.
He felt peaceful lying there with her, then instantly felt guilty for feeling peaceful when his mom and sister were stuck with the monster that was his father.
“Maybe I should move back home,” he said.
Feyre’s fingers stopped.
She had met his father, had witnessed his horrid nature.
Before she could voice her concerns, Rhysand said, “That way I can make sure they stay safe.”
“But what about you?” Feyre whispered. “What about your safety?”
“What’s the point of my safety if they’re in danger?” he asked, looking over his shoulder to meet her worried gaze. “I have to take care of them.”
He knew that she understood, knew that she adored him even more for wanting to protect his family. But it didn’t end her worry.
“Be careful,” she breathed.
He kissed her forehead, and smiled, before settling into her arms once more.
~
Elain looked in the mirror, her high heels atop a pile of clothes she had already tried on and dismissed.
She glanced at the clock.
Fifteen until seven.
He would be here soon and she wasn’t ready.
The door of her bedroom slowly opened and Nesta walked in, brow lifted. She looked at Elain’s stilettos, then her black mini dress and the plunging neck that showed off her breasts.
“What kind of date is this, exactly?” Nesta asked.
Elain sighed. “Too much for dinner?”
“Will you be giving him a treat after dinner?” Nesta crooned.
Elain’s cheeks heated as she kicked off her heels. “Help!”
“You look beautiful,” Nesta laughed. “Pull those heels back on and make him suddenly lose all ability to speak.”
Elain grinned, pulling back on her shoes.
“Nervous?” Nesta asked.
“Maybe. I don’t know. A little bit,” she said, honestly. “I mean, we’ve become friends. But this is different.”
“He likes you.”
“Did Cassian tell you that?” Elain asked, sitting on her bed. “Wasn’t aware you two were so friendly.”
“We’re not.”
“You seemed pretty friendly with him sitting in your bedroom under the same blanket when I woke up this morning,” Elain said, head tilted.
Nesta shook her head, rolling her eyes as she walked back toward the door. As Elain opened her mouth to push her older sister further, the doorbell rang.
Nesta stopped in the doorway as Elain’s stomach twisted into knots.
I sneezed and popped out new baby character XD I really like this baby even tho i have like 30 characters already pfpfpf, i really should stop doing that hahahha.
Meet Kemi, my void baby. I might add some more expression or poses for them because yes :D
