TRC Translation Notes Volume 12 (Chapters 83 - 90 + Omake)
The second dose of the new translation notes sent in by @giniroangou, now looking at Volume 12.
Highlights include: fantastic closure on the names of the dragonflies, improved Fai and Kurogane banter, Tomoyo being boss, Kyle being extra, and justice for the Pretty Hair Detectives.
Chapter 83
p.6 - The story about the inventor of the maze (Meiro-san rather than Maze-san in the original text, since “meiro” is the Japanese word for maze/labyrinth) is a bit more ridiculous in the translation than it needs to be - rather than getting fed up with visitors “passing through” his bedroom (which raises some very strange questions) he just wanted to make sure that no one could reach his bedroom (which… perhaps raises other questions, but still makes a lot more sense.)
p.10 - The name of Ryuuou’s dragonfly, Ryuuga, is written as 龍牙, which means “dragon fang.”
p.18 - Ryuuou’s line after Syaoran saves him has been translated as, “You may have underestimated me, but you’re a good guy.” The original meaning of this was closer to, “You may be soft, but you’re a good guy.”
p.19 - Apparently this was pointed out by notpotable already, but there’s definitely a mistranslation when Tomoyo says, “The way he pilots his machine is very much like the one I know.” I would translate her line as a more general statement along the lines of, “The way that people pilot their machines truly does reflect who they are.” Of course, this is still in reference to Syaoran’s actions, but it becomes a broader observation as well.
p.24 - Fai’s “Syaoran” here was originally “Syaoran-kun,” as usual, but the Japanese wording of his line feels a little more casual overall. The translation has it as, “You couldn’t avoid that collision and still remain true to yourself,” which certainly got a lot of mileage in analysis, but the original line echoed something that you actually ended up saying in your post - “If you’d avoided that collision, you wouldn’t be Syaoran-kun, right?” In the end it’s the same idea, just with a slightly different nuance.
p.26 - Grosum’s dragonfly name is Legend, not Regent, which makes more sense in relation to his Jade counterpart (though what this references for Piffle World’s Grosum is anyone’s guess.) Chunyan’s dragonfly name, Renhi, is written as 蓮姫, meaning “lotus princess.”
Chapter 84
p.40 - The translation has Fai describe Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona as “children in the same family,” but in the Japanese version he just calls them “siblings.” <3
Chapter 85
p.60 - There’s a weird mistranslation of one of Mokona’s lines here - in the English version she talks about needing a water flow that would show the way, but her point in the original was that if they flew under the waterfall and all that water dumped on top of them they wouldn’t be able to fly anymore.
Chapter 87
The title of this chapter was translated as, “A Banquet of Laughter,” but it should actually be, “A Banquet of Smiles.” While Japan does have an identical word for both “laughter” and “smile” (笑い/warai), in this case the word used is “egao” (笑顔) which purely refers to smiling.
p.90 - Something went terribly wrong here and I’m laughing - in his explanation about Raigyo, Yamazaki is translated as saying that they’re only 3 centimeters when they’re fried, but the word the translator took that from is “fry,” meaning young fish rather than fried fish. So basically they’re small when they’re still young.
p.91-92 - There were a lot of mistranslations between Kurogane and Fai here that completely changed the tone of their conversation. Instead of saying that Kurogane is all better now and he should wave too, Fai points out that Kurogane chose not to bind up his hand despite the severity of his injury, and is complicit in helping him hide it (at the top of the page he says he’ll wave enough for both of them.) This leads more naturally into his observation that Kurogane doesn’t want to be too obvious about it for fear of making Sakura feel guilty, to which Kurogane protests that he just didn’t want to go to the trouble. When Fai pushes him on page 92, he’s responding playfully with something along the lines of, “Sure, we’ll leave it at that,” or more loosely, “Whatever you say.”
p.98 - Syaoran doesn’t actually call Sakura, “Your Highness” here, he’s just using basic polite speech. (I’m really tired of translator-san doing this by the way - it always creates a larger sense of distance than is actually there. Syaoran’s polite speech does imply a certain amount of distance, of course, but this goes a little far for me.)
When Mokona says her contribution to the race was “nothing to shout about,” she’s literally saying, “Though I can’t talk about it too loudly,” with an implication of, “This is just between you and me.” Her choice of words indicates that she’s referring to her rule-bending assist with the first checkpoint.
Chapter 88
p.106 - As a clarifying point, there’s a “kiiii” sound effect in the background during Kyle’s entrance, which would indicate some kind of high-pitched noise (also evidenced by Mokona’s reaction.) This would indeed imply that Kyle is shattering windows with a sound-based attack, presumably with the ultimate goal of breaking the glass around the feather so it becomes more accessible to him. It’s all still very extra though, hahaha.
p.107 - I’m only just thinking to mention this now, but Tomoyo’s title translated as “Madame President” is actually just “shachou” (社長), a gender-neutral title most often used for company heads, so just “President” would have sufficed there. Or, you know, “Boss.” BECAUSE SHE’S A BOSS. ...I’ll see myself out.
p.116 - Kyle’s warning(?) here is very awkwardly translated. The proper meaning of his original line is, “There are people with the same face in different worlds, but you never know if they’re actually different people.”
p.120 - This isn’t quite clear in the translation, but here Tomoyo orders her team to land the blimp (meaning what they’re all currently on) in a safe place and see everyone back home.
Chapter 89
p.132 - To soften Nokoru and Shougo’s intrusion a little, their original line was not so much that Tomoyo would need them to help her explain, but that they ought to join the discussion. There’s more of a sense that it’s their responsibility to help explain and apologize given the large role they played.
p.134 - The explanation for Tomoyo’s false sabotage is a little shaky here, so to clarify - it was intended as a diversion for the real saboteur to make him believe someone else was after the feather, and as a way to keep the Tsubasa family vigilant during the course of the race.
p.138 - Syaoran’s “Doctor Kyle!” here was originally just, “Doctor Kyle.” I swear I do not correct every punctuation difference that pops up and I know it gets a little ridiculous, but it really does make a huge difference in tone. Just look at his face! And now compare the effect that line has with the exclamation point vs without. There are a lot of scenes that feel much more weighty and intense in the original manga simply because of the punctuation.
p.140 - Tomoyo’s, “I didn’t bother to help you,” could be cut entirely - it wasn’t there in her original line and I think it sounds a bit rude tbh.
p.142 - Fai’s line to Syaoran about banning fun is actually a proposition that he temporarily lift the liquor ban. In Mokona’s follow up, she says that they should drink to celebrate Sakura’s first victory, not her own.
p.147 - In the original text, there’s less of an implication that Tomoyo-hime has walked through Kurogane’s dreams specifically - he’s just saying that given who she is it’s not surprising that she has this ability.
p.148 - What’s been translated as Kurogane saying, “Did she look okay?” should actually be Tomoyo saying, “She looked well.”
p.149 - Tomoyo’s line on this page is beautiful in the translated version, but I think it has slightly different implications than the original. Instead of “Please don’t resist too much. Allow yourself to heal,” she says, “Please don’t be too reckless so you can heal soon.” The concept of allowing himself to heal is certainly implied there, but there’s no sense of deliberate resistance, just that Kurogane doesn’t always take care of himself the way he should. Ultimately, while it’s still a significant moment between the two of them, Tomoyo’s original lines feel less weighted.
Chapter 90
p.155 - Sakura isn’t asking if Tomoyo gets drunk easily here but the opposite, whether she can hold her liquor well.
p.163 - “They call it a sewing machine,” seems to have been translated as if it were one of Sakura’s lines, but this is actually Tomoyo chipping in to say, “It’s called a sewing machine.”
Omake
p.175 - “Shadow Hero” would be better represented as “Shadow Protagonist.” Mokona is literally being presented to us here as the lead character and it’s glorious.
p.178 - Kurogane says the pictures in the Jade version of Maganyan looked pretty/sparkly, but he never says that they’re too pretty so he might not actually disapprove! (Judging by his face though, I wouldn’t bet on it.)
P.178-179 - Regarding the Country of Fog/Country of the Lake discrepancy: This world was first introduced to us in a chapter titled The Country of Fog (Kiri no Kuni/霧の国) and here it’s Fai who calls it the lake country aka (Mizuumi no Kuni/湖の国), but the first case could easily just be a description of the place rather than its formal name, and the second case could just be Fai’s impression of it, even with the matching title card of sorts on the following page. The way these names are depicted in the English translation makes them look somewhat official, but it feels casual enough in the Japanese text that I wouldn’t be surprised if that world actually has a completely different official name that we simply haven’t had occasion to learn.