You ever just need a hug? With someone who will, just for a moment, indulge me and tell me everything is gonna be ok, I KNOW it's not, it's never going to be ok but, just for a moment, I need someone to indule my denial. I'm surrounded by pragmatism and reality and 'you know deep down'. Hell, I AM one of those people.
But I need my denial for a moment...I can't focus on life and two essays due in two days..and I can't think, focus. I study and I'm stuck...I'm back with 4hr round trips, frequenting a ward I spent 8 mths, hours and days at a time not knowing if every time I left that would be it. The staff harassed me for my relatives behaviour even tho they couldn't help it.
Now, as I walk in again 18 mths later and every time I need to visit again it's like someone's sitting on my chest...it's like a trauma. But now it's worse. I know deep down it's bad ...but I need a moment of denial. Support in that denial. Just for a day...I finally can't cope..it's all on me. Decisions...big ones. Life and death ones. Quality of life ones. Again.
Why can't I have my rose tinted glasses again. Just for a bit...live in a world where my brittle edges don't cut.
Truth is great, but sometimes a respite is a replenishment of strength.
Why? Is it karma? .I'm so fucking tired.. but I gotta keep swimming and it's harder every damn day to keep above water..
Tomorrow is another day...I will smile and do what I do...
I'm also sad for my person, it's sad that some people just disappeared from their life when the money train dried up but you sure as fuck find out whos the gold and who's a cheap nickel plated temu friends
This was a ramble. Better out than in they say..and just like Annie said,
Tomorrow is another day..and every one counts.
We only have moments in life. Make sure you take those mental snapshots.
Life is sad. It's cruel and only seems to take the vibrant ones.
So, I'll tell myself it's gonna be fine.
Denial is definitely a river in Egypt.
But I also know, I'd crumple of I actually got one of those hugs.
Life just really sucks the jelly outta your donut sometimes.
I'm stuck in freeze..
Reset and a fucking hug. Just a friendly one with no transactional price.
I'm all over the place.
It's 2am. I'm knackered. My brain is thinking of 10 different things. No off switch.