A Page From Traejan's Personal Journal - 02 August 2013
I have never been so hopeful for the outcome of my research as I am at present. As I left it before my unplanned 'vacation' I felt like I was on to something, but matters forced me to rethink my findings. It is not to say that what I achieved on my own is entirely useless.. it is a worthwhile platform on which to build, but from there other things must come into play to ensure success. I admit that I nearly lost sight of things and more importantly, myself. To deny such would doom me to repeat those same mistakes.
This new information cost me quite a bit and at first I wondered if it was worth it. Now I know that it certainly was, every copper well spent. If I were in sole possession of it and looking to sell I might have charged a great deal more I most certainly would have charged a great deal more, if one considers the pains the original author took to achieve such discoveries. We all might have made the same discoveries eventually, but how many have the time to devote in such regularity that progress is achievable in a reasonable amount of time? I feel almost foolish for never considering these angles before on my own. But when it comes to demons I have admittedly been very narrow-minded. My arrays are very specifically constructed and near identical with few exceptions. Of course that which binds the imps are not as heavy-handed as the one binding Khilradath, but they needn't be. The emergency clauses written in differ as well, out of necessity. But that is all. Demons have always been a measure of power and what mattered was how much more I needed to exert to control them. It is responsible to think that way when history is full of examples of those who entertained the wrong alternatives to that mindset, but in engaging in the study of something there is no progress to be gained walking the same path as everyone who has ever come before. This does not stray far from what I know and have always adhered to, but simply makes it easier. Efficient. I do so love efficiency in my work.
The irony in that is the fact that I am working backwards, which is decidedly inefficient by anyone's standards. But I don't mind. It's all quite exciting, actually. I am revisiting material I haven't looked over in years when I thought it irrelevant to my work, simply because I couldn't see any applications for it beyond the obvious. Once my review is complete I should be ready for the first experimental trials. This is finally getting back on the horse, if you will. I suspect the others will be lurking nearby, distrustful as they are thought they don't claim to be..
How difficult it is to be patient and careful with the prospect of that in my near future! But I will not deviate from my schedule, as that would mean chaos. And that is no exaggeration, as I have more than enough proof to support that statement. Certain things changed before and everything began to spin out of control in increasingly noticeable ways. Perhaps I should reconsider Vittani's--
I should report that all is well in matters of a more personal nature. There is an insufficient amount of data at this point to determine how it will effect everything else. Ideally not as bad as the first time. I find it all exceptionally tiring to deal with on a regular basis considering I am attempting to navigate foreign territory completely blind, but it possesses enough intrinsic value to allow it to continue. Experience tells me she would frown upon my current way of describing it, but I cannot imagine any other way of logically doing so. That being said, I am not so dense as to be unaware of the fact that this thing of ours is in no way logical.