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Tied Together with a Smile

Nearly 365 days after a deep depression almost took my life, I stood at Reputation Tour Minneapolis, surrounded by 50,000+ Swifties yet, the moment Taylor started singing “Tied Together with a Smile” we were the only two people in the room.

I’m not entirely sure where to start this “story” or what is too much to share, but I love this community and it feels like a safe place to share it. It all goes back to 2 years ago, I got really sick, basically long of the short, my body is attacking itself and without a transplant in the (near) future, I won’t survive. The diagnosis meant letting go of dreams to be a Mom. It’s bad enough knowing your time is limited without the transplant, but I had always dreamt of being a Mom and now that had been stolen. I lived that first year after diagnosis in pain and quite honestly, Taylor’s music got me through some long nights but it wasn’t until the depression came to a head that Taylor’s music, one song in particular helped save me from a dark, dark place that felt hopeless and impossible to try and crawl out of.

I would lay in bed all day and listen to the words “Hold on Baby you’re losing it, the waters high you’re jumping into it, letting go, and no one knows“ over and over again. A reminder that I wasn’t alone. That other people have felt this pain. That even the people who seem the happiest are often “Tied together with a Smile.”

So, Saturday, September 1st, I stood in a stadium and Taylor started singing “Tied Together with a Smile” as her surprise song..and I cried😭, but this time, not because I was depressed, or sad, or not wanting to be alive.. but because I was standing in a stadium filled with joy😌 watching someone I have followed and loved for 12 years, and although I’ve never gotten to meet Taylor, she is one of the reasons I’m here today, her words placed beautifully to music, every note, every instrument, every lyric so carefully and thoughtfully strung together, it saved me. So @taylorswift, if you ever see this, thank you, from the deepest part of my soul, thank you. @taylornation

And to all of you Swifties out there who have struggled with depression or are struggling, I LOVE YOU. You are important, you are loved and you are ENOUGH. We (Maria and I) would love to meet as many of YOU as possible at the Arlington show. We have a little bracelet for all of you, as a reminder of the love and support that this FANDOM offers. Swifties are truly the most magical people. For those of you who haven’t heard mine and Maria’s story, we met last month at Rep Tour Minneapolis (she flew from Florida and I flew from NYC) and we are meeting in Arlington for Friday AND Saturday. So please please, come say hiiii, we want to squeeze all of you!!

Thank you for allowing me to share my story...

You are loved❤️,

Amanda

#taylor swift #taylornation #tiedtogetherwithasmile #weareallloved #reputationstadiumtour #reptourarlington #reptourminneapolis #swiftiesunited #taylorswift #herestoourrealfriends #twocrazyswiftiesbondedbytay #lwymmd #idsb #reputaylurking #reproom #swifties #speaknow #red #fearless

Night sky- the universe is working it all out for our good and bringing blessings and beautiful glorious wonders await you.

#yay me #proud #happy #weareallloved

Adoption

So in my attempt to forget about my studies and finals, naturally I go on youtube and start looking up some videos. I come across a korean girl group, Davichi, sing a cover of the song "A Goose's Dream" (with english subtitles because I am at a very sub-par level of korean HAHA), but in the background of the performance is a video of children with special disabilities, who seem to be put up for adoption. Then out of NO WHERE, I just begin to tear up. I think those tears that fell down today at 2:04 am were in part of just how easily I cry but also along with that there were children. Ever since I was little, I just loved kids. I loved children. Children make me incredibly happy. I always tend to let my mind wander towards children and my future kids. I know I am getting ahead of myself by thinking of my future children when I got a final tomorrow, with no boyfriend, no future husband in sight, and no ring on my finger. But, in my heart, I just break for these little bundle of blessings. And to think at times, they have no home. To think, someone has abandon their little one because of extraneous reasons. My heart just breaks. I just want to gather all of the abandoned children of this world and hold them safe in my arms. To swallow them up in my arms, to hold them forever, and show them a little of the warmth that I have been blessed enough to receive unto them.

I don't know why children and the thought of children bring so much conviction and strength from me but they do and I am so glad they do. As a little crazy as it sounds, but I want four kids. And I want them all adopted. I don't know how my family will look like phenotypically, but all I hope is that my family is a family of much warmth and love like the love and warmth that my future husband and I have received from a such a loving father above. I can't wait to have children. I can't wait to adopt my future children. Though I have so much to learn and go through before I am even in the position of trying to actually adopt my children, I am so incredibly excited and blessed to have received more than enough to be able to give it out to others. Lord, I ask that as I have this burning and overwhelming desire to protect the children of this world. Give me the heart to love all of your children. We are all children of ONE who loves so graciously, earnestly, faithfully, endlessly, and selflessly. Lord I ask you continuously change me and give me a heart to adopt others and care for others as you have already made us your own.

Lord, take this heart - though it is so small and meek - give me the ability to love others that I already and so bitter in my heart Lord. Give me the heart of adoption. The adopting of your characteristics and embody it every day. Every single day.

#personalreminder #weareallLOVED