Afforded some moments to quiet, Laeynna took a breath to centre herself. High atop a mountain in Pandaria air where it felt like it gently chilled her, she was surrounded by landscapes. Tall trees that were extravagant in their leaves, blossoming flowers and branches. Water that sparkled and glistened when the sun reflected off of its surface. Distant fields that she could see were being used for vegetation. Clearings and wild animals as far as the eye could see.
If she hadn't known the hardship Pandaria had once been going through, she wasn't certain she would have believed it from the vantage point at which she sat.
With her legs dangling over the side, donned in a long-sleeved dress of deep bordeaux and gold silk, bare feet, Laeynna put her weight into her hands. The moonlight hair that once had been dark as blue night and longer than half of her frame had begun to touch her shoulders and she caught it a few times as she began to pass water and looking glass.
She wondered if she still couldn't recognise herself.
She also wondered how much she could recognise. The adventure so far had been... informative. Enjoyable. She'd brought along the book she'd inherited from her father and had already spent years putting diagrams, sketches, and no shortage of botanical research and observations into. Despite having it, however, she hadn't much used it. This was supposed to be holiday, after all, and Laeynna didn't take holiday very well. It would have been easier to work, but the problem with so much work was that she got so focused on it sometimes she forgot to look at the rest of the world.
Maybe that was hard to do when she loved plants and flowers and greenery of all kinds. Was there anything more beautiful than the very presence of life itself in front of the eyes? Except all the world was living and beautiful. What a very unfair comparison that might have been.
The time spent was nice. They'd seen the beaches of Stranglethorn, ruins, the coliseum, and even stayed in the bay for a little. On the ship down to Pandaria, they learnt about engineering and the schematics of the ship itself, that Laeynna still very much had a fear of heights, and that some of the others were not the most appreciative of loud noises aboard. In Pandaria, they'd gone fishing, though hadn't caught a single thing as the fish were simply too clever, visited the breweries, saw the silk worms, appreciated the oversized vegetables and fruits, had sushi and no shortage of other neat culinary delights. In some ways, the downtime was maybe a little more relaxing than she wanted it to be, and she didn't relax well either.
Something was different, though. She didn't know what it was. Something felt different. He looked at her differently, she thought, spoke to her a little differently. Maybe something more gentle? Andaeros had always been gentle, though. That wasn't it. She didn't know what to make of it. She just knew that it wasn't the same. Part of her wondered if it was because the distance between them during his extended absence, resigning herself to the notion that he might not return, and becoming somewhat emotionally detached might not have fully left her.
Things were better now, of course. She was better now. He'd certainly deserved that instead of the relatively cold and self-preserving welcome she'd given him. Although it had never been personal. In her head, there was no way to immediately jump right back into things the way they once were, especially not with her hang ups and history with that kind of closeness with someone. Coupling that in with realisations that work and effort expended over time felt like it had amounted to nothing had been a crushing blow.
It had been so bad, in fact, that she'd gone to stay with her parents for a few days, and that had been when she gave a farewell to her hair. She hadn't known how to proceed forward. She hadn't known how to just accept things for what they were, especially when she felt like she deserved better. Laeynna knew she wasn't entitled to anything when it involved other people. She wasn't arrogant enough to believe that, but at the very least, a little communication would have gone a long way.
That, she'd believed, was the bare minimum.
So when they'd return to Quel'Thalas, what was she going to do? Just keep doing things as she felt she was expected to? Feel guilty when she didn't do those things and be isolated for not doing them? Were those really her only options? And if they were, did she even want to put herself right back into that situation?
Laeynna sighed, not knowing the answer to any of that, and wondering if she simply expected the worst because it had largely been the worst before she'd left. Almost. Right before, there had felt like a small, tiny little piece of promise, a little tiny piece of hope. But she didn't know if she could trust it. Hope had, so far, only done terrible things to her. Hope was dangerous.
She suspected, in the end, it wasn't going to immediately matter. They still had a trip to Northrend to make before even returning home. No amount of worrying until then would mean anything, would hold any sort of weight. With the entire world in front of her, it was a wiser idea just to live in it, with unanswered questions and uncertainties alike.
