Apr 14
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Pulp💖💋 MwaH
It's 7:55 in the evening on an unremarkable evening in my hometown. I am back here for work on a quarterly visit that may end when when the funding for my role dries up at the end of the month.
I will likely be among the last to know if that happens.
Usually when I'm home I stay with family. Only I've come to realize that they're not my family anymore as my decision to leave my partner, who is actually their family has left me with few options. My father's sofa or an old neighbor who ghosts me so often right after she texts me I am not 100% sure of our relationship status.
Airbnb it is.
And because I am hoping to not run into anyone who knows that I have just blown up my life, I decided to stay in the labyrinth neighborhood that I cannot find my way into or out of without google maps which is embarrassing when you're only traveling four blocks to the store.
What is the most odd about walking away from the wrecking ball that has expectedly unexpectedly arrived at the moment I thought it would was how little I was prepared for the emotional aftermath. In a way I knew my marriage was over so many years ago because of was just so platonic and I thought it would be nice to try something different. Someone who made my heart beat a little. Only I didn't really like anyone so that seemed a silly reason to leave.
But it was like I could feel someone coming and I knew when they arrived that it would be time. And the wrecking ball would be welcome.
But what I didn't account for was how little of my life was mine and only mine. And how everyone who knows me as a we cannot understand why I would leave my picture-perfect life for one on my own.
It is a perfect life. For someone. Just not for me.
My partner has heard me talk about this feeling my entire life. I feel like I have been married my entire life. I feel like I have been living someone else's life for as long as I can remember.
I thought that was normal. I thought everyone felt that way. Like the Talking Heads so eloquently state and one day I hoped that after the children grew and I found a career I loved that it would all make sense.
Maybe I would stop feeling so restless and the constant desire to leave my spouse and live in an ashram would subside
It just never did. The feeling only grew stronger and culminated last summer when I got rid of nearly all my worldly possessions knowing my life as I knew it was ending.
I gave away nearly all my books, my sentimental items from school, even some family heirlooms. We moved down to California where the entire contents of my life independent of my family could easily fit into eight medium boxes.
We relocated for my partner's work but my job still required me to come up every few months to collect data. The last time I was up here I felt my life start to slip away with his arrival.
And now I'm back dealing with the aftermath of a decision that no one I know understands and the painful realization that no one I know really understands me either which I think goes along with living someone else's life for as long as I have.
I am not sure what comes next. I am hoping he is in it because he arrived right on schedule and in the least convenient way possible, but he made my heart beat fast and I can feel him with me in a way that is wholely unfamiliar and new and yet part of a life that feels like it might be mine.
Barney Pip in the Big Apple. 101.9 WPIX New York | January, 1972
Barney Pip in the Big Apple. 101.9 WPIX New York | January, 1972
Most who remember Barney Pip (1936-1994) probably remember him as one of the original Top 40 jocks at WCFL Chicago. Pip also was heard on WIFE Indianapolis in addition to a short stay at WPIX 102. This is a short aircheck. Pip had perhaps one of the strangest voices in radio. In fact, early in this aircheck, he quips, …Marina, she’s a nurses aid in Connecticut, she says I sound like Jerry Lewis!…
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