#whydoifeellikethis

[belovedxo]

AWE SOMEONEPITTIESME

[megnificentbeth]

Wow! I haven't felt this lonely or unloved in long time.

[therellashitdashever]

You ever just wanna...

[ajayde755]

Is this a phase?

So I actually want everyone I know to completely forget I exist because I like want to start my life over and essentially wipe my slate clean (?) What

[calm-surrounding-the-storm]

[hoodsandhorizons]

It's overwhelming.... I can't breathe. The feeling, that urge. It consumes me how the darkness welcomes me. I feel too much, say too much. Some say I'm blessed to have that quality, but it's not a blessing. It's a downright curse I cannot rid myself of. How do I continue to fight to live with this every single second... Its beyond me. I have family to live for, and the thought of hurting them is too much. But at the end of the day, Who do I go home to? Myself. My thoughts. My bed. My own personal hell. In these moments I ask myself, why am I fighting? Will it ever be worth it? That is what I hold on to. The mere hope that one day staying WILL be worth it. The hope that one day I get to come home to the live of my life and my cat and my dog and that will be my life. Hope is powerful. It's kept me alive this long, what's another day of feeling like this. Some days are worse than others and I guess today is one of the worse days.

[ra-xo]

😔

[justalilhopee]

My aunt came yesterday.

I used to get excited whenever we have relatives stay with us. It’s less lonely that way. But after multiple times, you start to realize that waiting for someone else gets tiring. Waiting for them to give you their opinion. Waiting for them to ask questions about your life. Her arrival doesn’t make much of a difference, I realize. It gives a little incentive for L to come home last night, but mom picked up another shift on the usual day she has off. I sit here, after I checked my credit card accounts and paid the monthly bills, wondering what difference it makes for me to be in New York, a place known as “home.” My physical presence here matters to my mom, but it’s not like I see her much anyways. She just likes to know that I am around, even though we’re both not around each other. Isn’t that ironic and sad. 

If home no longer feels like where you grew up or spent the majority of your life, and you can’t count on the relationships you have, I guess i just have to find a home within myself.