#willowyouth

[willowyouth]

may thoughts

To probe and to feel it

To hold and conceal it

To ebb and to flow

Into the unknown

 ____________________________

Out here in the crowd

And not sure if I want to be found

Or just blend in

Completely

 _______________________________

 My mind gets really crowded

It’s like a lost and found bin

Sometimes, there is treasure

But mostly there is trash

There is dust

There is ash

 ________________________ 

My heart skips a beat

I can’t stand the heat

My muscles full of tension

My crooked spine caving it

 ___________________________

Salvation,

Where is it?

Do we get to decide?

 Maybe

 Yet we turn a blind eye

We’re afraid of being broken

And with eyes wide open

We close our minds

 With feet wet

We refuse to dive

We let the tide wash us over

With the hope of being clean

 All the claims you’ve stated

You no longer believe

Revelations all too belated

As if you’ve woken from a dream

There is a line

There is a balance

Between the real

And the real we think we see

 It is within

Our every bone

Our childhood home

Our first love interest

 We feel it

We know it

We feed it

And grow it

[willowyouth]

note #2

i don't want to disappear but i don't want to feel like i want to die all the time either been searching for a middle ground ever since i can renember and i can't remember the last time i felt like myself he says just go out with your friends and forget the other stuff and i turn my head to the ground and i walk home alone

[willowyouth]

note

a pain in the stomach an ache in the head will someone please pull the thread (out) that’s binding me

i wake up in the night after half an hour of sleep with a deep sorrow is this it will i ever fall back asleep is this how my life is going to be now

in my bed i toss and turn thrasing in the sheets trying to get out of my body clawing at the skin in an uncontrollable fit of grief

trying to find who i used to be

why did you decide she was no longer me

when did i decide that i agreed

[willowyouth]

bag of bones

this bag of bones is mine to carry mine to own and mine to bury mine alone and no one else's someday i'll build a home i'm so tired of houses i'm just a bag of bones in skin that's someone else's getting by sometimes just barely but more than less so i guess that's something to believe (in) and not dismiss a bag of bones a guilty conscience that won't quit a broken watch you can't bring yourself to fix cause the time on there was the last you saw him so afraid to admit that it's insignificant you cling onto it and hide it away you cling onto everything and you hide yourself away won't be able to find yourself again someday

[willowyouth]

drawing by maddy burke

[willowyouth]

“Veronica, you look like hell.” “Yeah? I just got back.”

[willowyouth]

[willowyouth]

june 10th, 2015

I choke on things I wish I said there's a grave weighing down on my chest and I'm okay I'm okay with that but I don't know what the difference is in anything in everything so confused an ache I cannot soothe and never will the truth at its roots is that I'm not okay at all and it won't go away alone needed a hand to take to hold to bury me and let me go home