[Phillip drops his phone, and the flash/camera goes off. The beast screeches, and Phillip grabs his phone & Kiki, running off]
Phillip: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh that thing probably already ate Evelyn and we’re next!
Kikimora: I don’t want to die!
[They duck into a room and hide behind a counter]
P: What are we gonna do?!
K: I don’t know! Evelyn getting eaten wasn’t exactly in my ten-step plan! Not even in the contingencies! [She takes a deep breath] Fine, it’s fine, did you get a picture of it? Maybe we can figure out what it is.
[Cut to Phillip’s phone screen, where there’s a lovely shot of the cardinal beast’s face. She looks a lot like the owl beast, but instead of being voids, her eyes glow, and a thick black mask goes around her eyes. The puffs around her ears are also black, and a swath of her chest is black as well.]
[Phillip squints]
P: Uh. Okay. Call me crazy, but does this thing look kinda like…
K: Don’t say it.
P: But it does, right? And I mean. We knew something about her was going to change since we took the elixir, so—
K: SHUT UP!
[Phillip looks shocked and surprised]
Phillip: Whoa—Kiki—
[Cut to Kikimora, who has her hands over her ears]
Kikimora: Don’t you get it?! If that thing is Evelyn, then that means that she is cursed. It means that out of all the people in the Ward, we broke out the one who is actually dangerous. We did that. We released her on the world. And maybe it would have been alright, because whatever that elixir was obviously kept it in check, but now we stole the elixir, and she’s a rampaging beast.
[Cut to Phillip, who now looks worried]
K: [disembodied] And maybe this whole thing is great for you. Congratulations, now you have verifiable proof that she’s a monster, and Caleb shouldn’t be around her anymore. But—but—
[Cut back to Kikimora, who has tears in her eyes]
K: It’s too real. It was all fun and games to try and catch her when she was just some witch, and I loved planning her downfall with you, but if Evelyn really is that thing… this will all be over. Are you really going to be able to live with letting her loose?
[Phillip takes a deep breath]
P: Okay. What do we do to fix it?
K: What?
P: You heard me. You know everything about Evelyn—how do we fix her? There’s gotta be a way. I mean, how would she know she needed to take the elixirs if she hadn’t turned into this thing at least once?
K: I—well—I didn’t—[she snaps her fingers] Oh! The candles! Her bed is surrounded with them, and I know she lights them at nights. I thought she was just afraid of the dark, but what if it’s to keep the beast at bay?
P: Most animals are afraid of fire! Or at least that’s true in the human realm. I don’t know what they’re like in your hellish dimension. Okay, so, fire. You can do that, right?
K: I mean—a little? I can do magic, sure, but she had a lot of candles. If we’re going to create enough fire to scare that thing quickly enough to avoid getting mauled, it’s going to take something bigger than I can do. What about you?
P: I think you’re pretty aware that I can’t do magic, Kiki. I’m human. Not a witch.
K: No bile sack?
P: A wha—actually, no. I don’t want to know. But no, I don’t have one of those.
K: Well—what about Evelyn?
[Phillip raises one eyebrow]
P: I’m pretty sure she’s not gonna summon a flame for us right now.
K: No! On your phone! She explained her magic—maybe you can figure out what she did.
P: What? No, she doesn’t do anything. Look, she just draws a circle—
[He pulls out his phone, playing the video, but now there’s a fire glyph over the center of Evelyn’s spell circle]
P: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. What’s that?
K: I… don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it.
P: What if I…
[He traces over the glyph, but doesn’t finish drawing the circle]
K: What are you waiting for?
P: I’m not a witch. I can’t—I shouldn’t.
K: Sure you can. Just finish the circle
P: No, I mean… I can’t do this. If I do this, then I’m a witch, a real witch who does real magic. The type of thing that Gravesfield has wanted to destroy for centuries. I can’t be a witch, Kikimora, I have to go to school. I have to hang out with my friends, and do—do normal things. Normal teens don’t summon fireballs
K: [sadly] Do normal teens have demon friends from another dimension?
P: I… [he looks away]
[Kikimora’s face hardens]
K: Whatever. I guess we’ll just get eaten, then. For the sake of being normal. [She sighs] I can try a fire. But, uh… just… stay hidden. In case it doesn’t work.
[Phillip’s becomes determined]
P: No. [he finishes the circle and taps it. A flame springs out.] Witch or not, I’m not letting my friend get killed. Let’s do this.
[The cardinal beast sniffs the air, growling to itself]
Kikimora: [disembodied] HEY!
[She creates an illusion of a giant worm. The cardinal beast pursues, excited for a snack, while Kiki dives for cover. The beast slips on a blanket Kiki left out, skidding around]
[At the end of the hallway, Phillip is drawing a giant fire glyph on the wall]
Phillip: Well, here’s hoping I don’t burn the house down.
[He activates the glyph. The cardinal beast looks up as a massive burst of flame shoots out from the wall. It takes up the cardinal beast’s vision, then everything fades to black]
In every universe Evelyn holds out a hand full of fire to show Caleb
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Transcript under the cut
[Phillip trots alongside Evelyn, curious]
Phillip: That was a massive spell! Have you been holding out on us? What else are you capable of?
Evelyn: Taking really long naps. Which I’m going to do now. Good night.
P: No—wait. [He pulls out his phone] Do some magic. I’m going to record it. For Caleb.
E: [sighing] Fiiiiiine. One spell. For Caleb—although I’m suspicious why you want that.
P: For proof.
E: Ooo proof, I’m scared. Whatever. Let’s get this over with.
[Shot of Evelyn through Phillip’s camera]
E: [amused] Hey, Caleb. Phillip’s taking evidence for his case file on why I’m a horrible, sneaky, no-good witch. But it doesn’t really matter, because when we get to the human realm, I’m going to push him in a mud puddle and run to tell you everything before he can.
P: [disembodied] HEY
[Evelyn draws a spell circle]
E: Anyhoo, I’m a witch. Surprise! Let me show you a little magic. The—[yawn] the spell circle comes first—the bigger the circle, the bigger the spell, see? And once I’ve drawn the circle, I pull on the magic in my bile sack—which is attached to the heart, by the way, neat fact—and…
[She holds out her hand, and a fireball appears in it]
E: Ta-da!
[She sways and falls out of frame]
[Cut to Evelyn without recording frame over her, curled up in a snoring ball. Shadows loom over her.]
[Cut to shot of Kiki and Phillip looking down at Evelyn]
Kikimora: Wow, she went down fast. Is she okay?
P: [completely flat-faced] Hopefully she’s dead. [Sighs] Let’s move her corpse to her bed so she can rot up there.
And she was so overcome by the idea that her bratty brother in law could do magic that for a moment she forgot she lived in a world where he flushed her meds
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[Phillip glares, his arms crossed]
Phillip: What was that?! You turn into a giant feathery monster?!
Evelyn: Look, I can explain—
P: Explain what? Explain why you hid that from Caleb, too? Now, I might not be an expert on relationships, but I think maybe the part where you randomly turn into a monster is something you should share with your significant other! What if it happened in the human realm?
E: [defensively] It wasn’t going to happen in the human realm. I’m careful, Phillip, I swear, I—
P: Or maybe you’d like to explain why you didn’t see fit to tell me even though I was living with you? If I knew, this wouldn’t have happened! I never would have had Kiki steal your elixir, and I wouldn’t have—have had to do magic and—
[Now Evelyn is angry]
E: You had Kikimora do WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to steal potions that you have no clu—[she stops, blinks, adjusts] Wait a minute, you did WHAT?! Magic? How?
P: I don’t want to talk about it. It didn’t happen. It won’t happen again. But you don’t get to be mad, because again, Evelyn, I wouldn’t steal your magical medication if I’d known you were taking medication that stopped you from turning into a monster!
E: [skeptically] Really? You wouldn’t have? That doesn’t sound like you.
P: [exasperated] Evelyn.
E: Fine. Fine. I guess I do owe you an explanation…
In the original draft of this, Kiki was going to make an illusion of herself doing the worm as a reference to Gus' illusion in the emperor's keep, but I decided against that.
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[The cardinal beast sniffs the air, growling to itself]
Kikimora: [disembodied] HEY! LOOK OVER HERE!
[She creates an illusion of a giant worm. The cardinal beast pursues, excited for a snack, while Kiki dives for cover. The beast slips on a blanket Kiki left out, skidding around]
[At the end of the hallway, Phillip is drawing a giant fire glyph on the wall]
Phillip: Well, here’s hoping I don’t burn the house down.
[He activates the glyph. The cardinal beast looks up as a massive burst of flame shoots out from the wall. It takes up the cardinal beast’s vision, then everything fades to black]
One simply must imagine Kikimora saying "no bile sack" in the same tone of voice as "no bitches?"
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[Phillip takes a deep breath]
P: Okay. What do we do to fix it?
K: What?
P: You heard me. You know everything about Evelyn—how do we fix her? There’s gotta be a way. I mean, how would she know she needed to take the elixirs if she hadn’t turned into this thing at least once?
K: I—well—I didn’t—[she snaps her fingers] Oh! The candles! Her bed is surrounded with them, and I know she lights them at nights. I thought she was just afraid of the dark, but what if it’s to keep the beast at bay?
P: Most animals are afraid of fire! Or at least that’s true in the human realm. I don’t know what they’re like in your hellish dimension. Okay, so, fire. You can do that, right?
K: I mean—a little? I can do magic, sure, but she had a lot of candles. If we’re going to create enough fire to scare that thing quickly enough to avoid getting mauled, it’s going to take something bigger than I can do. What about you?
P: I think you’re pretty aware that I can’t do magic, Kiki. I’m human. Not a witch.
K: No bile sack?
P: A wha—actually, no. I don’t want to know. But no, I don’t have one of those.
[Phillip drops his phone, and the flash/camera goes off. The beast screeches, and Phillip grabs his phone & Kiki, running off]
Phillip: Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh that thing probably already ate Evelyn and we’re next!
Kikimora: I don’t want to die!
[They duck into a room, hiding behind a counter]
P: What are we gonna do?!
K: I don’t know! Evelyn getting eaten wasn’t exactly in my ten-step plan! Not even in the contingencies! [She takes a deep breath] Fine, it’s fine, did you get a picture of it? Maybe we can figure out what it is.
[Cut to Phillip’s phone screen, where there’s a lovely shot of the cardinal beast’s face. She looks a lot like the owl beast, but instead of being voids, her eyes glow, and a thick black mask goes around her eyes. The puffs around her ears are also black, and a swath of her chest is black as well.]
[Phillip squints]
P: Uh. Okay. Call me crazy, but does this thing look kinda like…
K: Don’t say it.
P: But it does, right? And I mean. We knew something about her was going to change since we took the elixir, so—
