#with depression

[americhrissytude]

Time to make an attempt to stave off the impending suicidal thoughts and depression with thoughts of Affectiontale

[shitkid-moved]

Feels Alright

Watsky didn’t have to go that hard for us, but he fuckin did it.

[augustbears]

If I stay up really late tonight (accidentally on purpose) I will sleep really late tomorrow, and thus minimize the time I spend conscious and suffering over the next 24 hours....

[tinyboylittleboybabyboy]

Hey y’all sorry I’ve been so inactive. I have no excuse I’m just a piece of shit hahaa

[franticallyfancyvalkyrie]

My life right now:

"Hoes depressed I'm not I take my meds that man is in distress he ain't getting no head I said these hoes depressed I'm not I take my meds I beat that bitch to death JK I take my fucking meds"

Hoes Depressed by Thot Squad

[bone-stealing-horse]

I feel like shit yippee

I overslept today dad had to drive me to school and he asked me why I seem to have given up on school and why I don't even try to live my own life

I can't tell him it's because I was never planning to be around this long, because I've spent so long lying to therapists and psychologists that I don't want to die, and he's already lost important people to suicide so I can't do that to him.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't think my will to live will kick into gear any time soon :/

I have always sought comfort in fictional characters. I could make up some presumption that I don't actually believe, but I won't lie to you like that. I just don't think I can love people the way I love that which is not real. I came close to love, but I wouldn't call what I feel for my friends proper love. I love them more like I love the idea of something unattainable. I can't ever properly explain it no matter how hard I try. It's like how you love fire. It's beautiful, it's every shifting, I want nothing more than to hold it close to me, but it is ultimately fleeting and I'll be left in the cold again some day. I keep riding sticks in the fire, I want it to stay longer than the others. I like this one. Every time a fire burns out, I find a new one and love it more than before, so maybe it will stay burning.

In pain, in my tired and unhappy state today, with my head swimming, I tried to focus on the conversation, but my mind went to a character, like it always does. I was in distress and, like always, something in the back of my mind said safety would be delivered from someone that doesn't exist, not friends, not family, but in an anime character who would never love me.

If you listen to Again & Again by the bird and the bee, maybe you'll understand where I'm at mentally. It's not about the meaning behind the lyrics, just the feeling. I hope you get it.

There's so much more I could write but I'm getting tired of writing and the feeling will go away soon and then I won't post this so I'm going to post it before I can change my mind and invalidate myself and tell myself I'm fine.

I'm also already reluctant to post this because last time I posted my unfiltered feelings, my best friend cried. I don't want that. I don't want to be serious. Please. Please don't make me be serious.

Also just so we're clear I do not EVER under ANY circumstances want to speak about this shit in person, behind a screen I feel safe, and I won't go silent as a defense mechanism like I do in person

[stabyou]

anyone else's moods fluctuate such an insane amount that you basically shape shift into different people with different ideals and worldviews + personalities or do i have some other shit going on