#withthebcnd

[unvendaval]

🐤 💕💕

♡ MUSE TWEETS . @withthebcnd .

[r0undtree]

being   back   in   pittsburgh   has   eddie   in   a   good   mood.   it's   been   months   since   the   last   time   he   saw   his   family,   and   while   life   on   tour   isn't   something   to   be   complained   about,   there's   nothing   like   the   feeling   of   being   surrounded   by   family   and   old   friends.   he's   laughing   about   something   with   warren   and   chuck   when   he   realizes   the   bottle   of   beer   on   his   hand   is   empty,   and   he's   soon   ushered   into   the   house   to   find   another   six   pack.   it   takes   him   a   couple   of   tries   to   find   the   kitchen,   and   when   he   finally   does,   eddie   realizes   that   the   room   isn't   empty.   

“   oh.   hi.   i'm   —   ”   there   seems   to   be   an   unbreakable   tension   between   them,   ever   since   what   happened.   eddie   isn't   sure   what   he   prefers   :   knowing   what   it   was   like   to   be   with   camila   and   knowing   it   would   never   happen   again,   or   living   in   blissful   ignorance,   always   hoping   but   without   the   knowledge   of   what   it   felt   like   to   have   her   so   close.   he's   almost   sure   he   prefers   the   second   option,   because   it   hurt   less.   “   —   just   looking   for   these.   ”   he   finishes   the   sentence   after   opening   the   refrigerator   and   finding   what   he   had   been   looking   for.   “   it's,   uh...   a   nice   party,   by   the   way.   ”   there's   no   reason   for   him   to   say   that,   other   than   the   sheer   hope   that   maybe   they   could   go   back   to   normal.   that   their   relationship   didn't   have   to   feel   so   stranded   after   all.   (   starter   call   ;   @withthebcnd   )   

[thesxmebxdy]

@withthebcnd asked: ❝​🇮​​🇹​ ​🇸​​🇪​​🇪​​🇲​​🇸​ ​🇾​​🇴​​🇺​ ​🇭​​🇦​​🇻​​🇪​ ​🇦​ ​🇨​​🇭​​🇴​​🇮​​🇨​​🇪​ ​🇹​​🇴​ ​🇲​​🇦​​🇰​​🇪​.❞

Her head was spinning, reeling from everything that was happening. The lights were bright in the room, and the hangover she was still nursing was responding anything but well to them. She hadn't expected to bump into anyone this early in the morning - she'd slunk down the hotel lobby still covered in lasts night make up, her hair sticking to her face slightly as she lit a cigarette at the restaurant.

She looked up at Cami - how the fuck did she manage to look good at this time of the day, and trying to read what she was portraying in her statement. She had limited memory of the night before, and as Cami spoke she was filled with a sense of dread. Did she know? Did she hate her? Daisy would've hated her if she was in that situation, if some chick was fucking her husband, if she had one, she'd have been pissed. She took a drag from her cigarette, rationalising with herself. This could have been about anything.

❝​You scared me there,❞ was about all she managed to get out, her head pounding with every second she was forced to sit in the fluorescent lights. You know everyone who comes here is shitfaced, why the fuck did you light this place like that?

[hedunne]

@withthebcnd asked: ❛ come back to bed. ❜

he   remain   by   the   window   for   a   while,   guitar   in   hand.   it   felt   like   he   hasn't   touched   one   in   such   a   long   time,   the   weight   of   it   was   strange   unfamiliar   and   yet,   as   familiar   as   holding   julia   in   his   arms.   "did   i   waked   you   up?"   he   asks   in   a   whisper,   guitar   left   on   the   side   as   he   goes   back   to   bed,   hesitantly   at   first,   letting   his   body   rest   on   his   side,   hand   coming   to   hold   his   face   upward   as   he   manages   to   catch   glimpses   of   her   features   by   the   moonlight.

  "sorry.   i   thought   i   was   getting   too   old   for   that   sort   of   inspirational   hit."   the   one   that   happened   at   any   hour   of   the   day,   the   type   of   hit   that   didn't   require   drugs   or   alcohol   for   him   to   get   inspired.

[selfruinmoved]

𝗒𝗈𝗎'𝗏𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝖽 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝖿𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗂 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗇.

it  should  be  daisy  who  says  something  like  that  to  cami.  none  of  this  life  would  be  hers  ,  if  she  hadn't  take  a  chance  on  her.  if  she  had  invited  her  to  the  house  party.  camila  joining  them  for  the  new  orleans  shows  was  unexpected  to  her.  coming  down  to  the  party   ,  seeing  her  face.  a  pit  in  her  stomach  ,  a  mixture  of  excitement  and  a  disappointment  she  isn't  willing  to  admit  to  herself.  but  none  of  that  matters  anymore  ,  because  she's  married.  that  heavy  weight  of   wedding  band  on  her  finger  ,  a  reminder  of  the  choice  she  made.  nicky.  she  was  in  love  with  nicky.  that  she  loved  being  married  ,  that  it  was  everything  she  dreamed  of  as  a  child.  she  was  in  love  with  him  ,  and  it  was  real.   night  air  is  humid  ,  set  out  of  balcony  with  party  loud  inside.  another  bottle  thrown  back  ,  alcohol  warming  insides.  if  she  keeps  pouring  it  ,  if  she  keeps  falling  into  the  same  daisy  pattern  ,  it's  easier  to  convince  herself  that  she's  happy.  she  hadn't  noticed  @withthebcnd  at  first  ,  not  until  eyes  meet  and  smile  is  large.  ❝  jesus  christ  ,  you  scared  the  hell  out  of  me.  ❞  she's  a  mess  ,  red  strands  tangled  ,  and  sure  she's  still  in  the  same  outfit  from  the  day  before.    arms  wrap  around  the  other,  catching  her  in  quick  and  tight  hug.   ❝ i'm  really,  really  glad  you're  here.  ❞   conversation  takes  a  turn  with  those  words  ,  and  there's  a  shake  of  her  head.   ❝  you're  the  reason  this  band  is  together  in  the  first  place.  there'd  be  no  six  without  camila.   ❞   she  was  the  muse  behind  the  music,  the  album  that  changed  everything.  ❝  even  when  you're  not  here,  you're  keeping  everyone  together.  ❞  blue  hues  have  shifted  focus  to  the  street  below  ,  watching  stop  lights  blink  their  pattern  of  colors.   every word she's spoken is true , and she hates them. because camila is beautiful, she's wonderful. and she has everything daisy could ever want. she can't hate her , no matter how hard she tries. her kindness is never-ending , even when daisy's eyes are on her husband. when she can't stop the feelings she wishes weren't real. that it had been all pretend , just like he had said in rolling stone.

it's a quick change of subject , holding up her hand for ring to catch reflection in light. ❝  can you believe it? when i went to greece , i met him. he was everything i wanted.  ❞  pretty lies , she's weaved a web of them so easily.

[selfruinmoved]

𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘺 ( accepting. )

camila , ( @withthebcnd )

i've  tried  for  so  long  to  find  the  words  that  felt  right.  to  begin  a  letter  ,  to  the  person  i  hurt  most.  i  had  a  million  that  i  must  have  started  in  rehab  and  threw  away.  i  owed  this  to  you  a  long  time  ago.  warren  told  me  ,  everything.  and  i  know  that  it's  maybe  too  late  ,  but  i'm  sorry.  those  words  ,  they  don't  make  up  for  anything  that  i've  done  in  the  past.  the  betrayal  of  your  trust.  looking  back  at  it  now  ,  i  ruined  everything  that  you  had  given  me.  you  from  the  very  moment  ,  had  been  my  biggest  supporter.  you  saw  something  in  me,  that  i  couldn't  see  in  myself.  you  gave  me  everything  i  always  chased  after.  you  gave  me  the  first  chance  for  someone  to  hear  my  voice.  you  gave  me  the  first  family  that  ever  meant  something  real  to  me.  

you  believed  in  me  in  so  many  ways  that  no  one  else  did.  i  remember  that  day  in  pittsburgh.  you  told  me  not  to  count  myself  out.  and  that  time  ,  i  didn't  believe  you.  but  you  believed  in  me,  even  up  to  the  very  end.  everything  i  have  still  ,  is  because  of  you.  i  have  a  son,  and  he's  beautiful  and  perfect.  you  told  me  that  day  ,  that  i  could  be  a  mother  ,  that  you  knew  i  would  be  a  good  one.  and  i  hated  that  in  that  moment.  because  you  saw  through  me.  you  saw  something  that  i  had  wanted  for  so  long  ,  but  something  i  didn't  believe  that  i  deserved.   i  want  to  say  that  i  regret  everything  ,  that  my  mistakes  were  something  that  i  wish  i  could  go  back  and  fix.  but  we  both  know  ,  those  words  would  just  be  a  lie.   but i see things a little more clearly now , that i'm not spiraling through a life fueled by drugs and alcohol. what i do regret, is the way i hurt you. the way i refused to see that. i was selfish. but i wanted to let you know , that i'm so thankful for meeting you. for you giving me everything that has ever being meaningful in my life. daisy j.

[selfruin-a]

𝚒 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕.

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 , to sit here , with camila. to bring herself to look at her. maybe , in another life they could have been friends. she admires @withthebcnd. she's strong , in ways no one gives her credit for. and try as she might , daisy can't hate her like she wishes. she's kind , beautiful , their biggest support. daisy wouldn't be apart of the six, wouldn't still be here if it hadn't been for her, the night of the party. but camila has everything daisy wants, and most of all , that's her husband. 𝗌𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽𝗇'𝗍 𝗆𝖾𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖻𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗒. but there were ways , he saw her that no one else could. if she could have left it at the music, the songs, it would have been easier. but it was so much more then that. he was a part of her, that she had only ever tried to fill with drugs and alcohol, and now that they were . . . whatever it was had been, she felt whole.

❛ i never meant ━━ ❜ why is it that she struggles with words? she's always been able to say what she's wanted, without hesitation , without fear. she can't sit still , fidgeting, hands rubbing bare skin of her thighs. ❛ it was about the music, it was always supposed to be that way. but none of it matters anyways. we're done. ❜ saying it out loud , that should make it real, right? that she can walk away? close the door on everything that's happened. ❛ for him, 𝗂𝗍'𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎. ❜

[dunnewithyou-arch]

🐤