January 14th, 2022
Image of Self...
The lack of stability regarding my self image is probably one of the most confusing parts of my wolf identity. I believe it is one of the few causes for my hesitation on choosing a label for myself.
The image I see reflected back at me in the mirror is not a solid entity. It's an amalgamation of many different ways of experiencing being a wolf - in appearance, emotions, associations, etc. - that I may randomly cycle through without any precognition. While I know that this is all one individual wolf, it is very faceted, much like a cut gemstone.
Sometimes, I am a soft forest wolf, associated with green and brown hues, dirt in my paws, moss and twigs in my fur. A feral animal with the feeling on freedom and the comfort of home in the wild. Sometimes, I am a vicious beast. Edgy, filled with the nostalgic energy of my emo years. Bloodthirsty and crazy with the idea that I am snapping jaws, growling, barking, thrashing in a cage of angst. There are times when I am a sophisticated bipedal wolf, wearing a suit and reading a book. The human and wolf parts of me meshing into a perfect depiction of a dappermouth painting. Other times, I am not a wolf at all and merely a human with the resounding knowledge that the wolf will return.
I know that as a human being, my identity is influenced by any number of things that occur throughout my life, that everyone experiences their identities differently and therefore there is no wrong way to feel nonhuman, but I suppose I always tend to feel that I will be considered disingenuous if I don't quite meet the community's standards of wisdom and identity.
