UdA Survival Guide - The Skincare Cover-Up
How to stop your coworkers from asking why you haven't aged since 2003. 🧴✨
Immortality is glamorous until Susan from Accounting corners you in the breakroom and demands to know your skincare routine because "you literally haven't developed a single wrinkle in twelve years."
Do NOT panic.
Also, do NOT tell her you bathe in the life force of your enemies.
The modern wellness industry is your greatest shield. Human society is currently obsessed with anti-aging, meaning you have the perfect cover story built right in.
Whenever your eternal youth is questioned, simply deploy these buzzwords:
"Hyaluronic acid."
"I drink a gallon of water a day."
"Platelet-Rich Plasma therapy." (Technically true.)
"Sunscreen religiously and broad-brimmed hats." (Also technically true.)
"I do an ayahuasca retreat every two years."
"Probiotics and kombucha."
Say these words with enough confidence, and mortals will immediately stop questioning your lack of a heartbeat and start asking you for product links. You're not an immortal bloodsucker; you're just a wellness influencer.