#wotsq

[rukafais]

A batch of shitposts. I have a bunch saved in a masterfile in my folders so I might as well use them.

[tiny-huts]

I like the amount of things that we call him

[jenorine]

Gromph and Kimmuriel's Surface Adventures a very cursed BG3 run • Part I starring @jenarion as Gromph and @jenorine as Kimmuriel

Warning: This post may contain spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3

Kimmuriel's Diary

Dear diary, Gromph and I awoke aboard a nautiloid ship two days ago. We have both been blessed with mind flayer parasites. Though Gromph hardly possesses the necessary aptitude, I daresay. All the more irritating that he insists on removing his parasite!

After an unfortunate nautiloid crash, we found ourselves stranded in Faerûn. We recruited a vampire and a Sharran as expendable assets. The iblith-wizard trapped within a portal, I allowed to perish. Out of respect for Gromph.

Gromph has lost access to most of his magical abilities and is now slowly rebuilding them. Why he has developed such an affection for hand axes remains a mystery to me. I also found myself without my psionic powers. Hopefully only a temporary inconvenience. I manage well enough regardless, though I must admit to developing certain kleptomaniac tendencies.

Gromph could not resist inviting a peculiar undead into our camp. His strange attraction to liches continues to disgust me.

My first night in camp was... oddly nostalgic. In my dreams, a figure bearing Rai’gy’s face approached me. I can tell it was not truly him. He would never wear the armor of an iblith. That dream visitor attempts to fool me, and I’m determined to learn the truth.

The second day was a fever dream. Gromph struggled to get going at first. Likely the result of delaying his natural end through an amulet. Later, he willingly took lute lessons from a tiefling. Perhaps the parasite is affecting him more than I anticipated...

Not that he seemed to enjoy it, though. “I am only doing this for the proficiency”, he explained. His face was one of discomfort. 

While Gromph amused himself in the Emerald Grove, I did some lucrative networking for Bregan D’aerthe. I invested in a group of criminal tiefling children and graciously ignored their blatant attempts to steal from me. Gromph claims I am going soft. I politely disagree.

To demonstrate this, I later initiated the massacre of a small group of particularly rude ibliths. Gromph participated enthusiastically.

After that, we visited a hag. Gromph was delighted. She offered him a hag’s eye in exchange for removing the parasite. An arrangement he considered a win-win. He accepted it with the words “I have two eyes anyway.”

In my opinion, he is becoming far too accustomed to eye transplants. Well, the hag failed to remove the parasite. It is Netherese. Now even I am mildly concerned.

After freeing a svirfneblin behind Gromph’s back (which I did not do out of softness) we took a long rest. Turns out, my vampire iblith believes I failed to notice his fangs and red eyes upon first meeting him. The fool even attempted to feed on me.

Fortunately for him, I found myself curious enough to grant him this one-time opportunity. After all, I had used him repeatedly the day before to trigger traps in advance. It is only reasonable to keep one’s tools motivated.

Tomorrow, our journey continues. Maybe I will be lucky and I will finally be able to consume the mind flayer parasite specimen I secured along the way... With kind regards, Kimmuriel Oblodra

Bonus

[patronfather]

For me and the other two fans

[mystxmomo]

Hey guys I just realized something about Jaezred Chaulssin and it's patron fathers.

So. Ages.

I had been kind of operating under the assumption that the patron fathers were on the older end of things, especially with how much focus is given on the organizations history in the WYRMSHADOWS module, and how much respect they're treated with within the WOTSQ books. However, today I sat down for the first time and (For private writing reasons) realized that I probably needed to actually do the math on their ages. And then I was like. Wait. DO they have canon ages?

So. Keeping in mind that this is all 3e-4e era of things, the only one we get directly is Mauzzkyl's. Which is sort of the range I expected for the whole of them.

However, the great wrym aspect of it caught my eye. Because it means that their ages are being given through the dragon stages of life chart.

Which means for the patron fathers. The age ranges we're actually looking at is closer to....?

Patron Grandfather Mauzzkyl Jaezred of Chaulssin (see below) ||(1,201+)

Patron Father Durrelon Claddmtor of Dusklyngh (CE male young adult drow-dragon†† ranger 5/assassin 4) || Young Adult 51‒100

Patron Father Ilphtrin Imphraezl of Sschindylryn (male adult drow-dragon†† rogue 1/fighter 4/assassin 6) || Adult 101‒200

Patron Father Quildan Oussghym of Karsoluthiyl (CE male young adult drow-dragon†† rogue 5/assassin 1) || Young Adult 51‒100

Patron Father Tomphael Arkenrret of Eryndlyn (CE male mature adult drow-dragon†† wizard 13/assassin 1) || Mature Adult 201‒400

Patron Father Vesz’zt Auvryana of Maerimydra (CE male vampiricDrac adult drow-dragon†† rogue 6/assassin 3) || Adult 101‒200

Patron Father Xorthaul Barriath of Jhachalkhyn (CE male mature adult drow- dragon†† rogue 1/cleric 9/assassin 1 [Vhaeraun]) || Mature Adult 201‒400

Patron Father Zammzt Everharn of Ched Nasad (CE male mature adult drow-dragon†† rogue 5/assassin 8). || Mature Adult 201‒400

Some of these men aren't even adults by drow standards... the priestesses they're fighting are probably older than the majority of them. Hey that's crazy isn't it.

[everybodyloveshippos]

Gromph goes to Halfling Heaven

this happens in war of the spider queen im not joking. he gets mid wizard battle banished to the halfling afterlife

[bramblepatch]

I know Valas was Sir Not Appearing In This Book in Lolth's Warrior, but I keep picturing him as forward scout during the evacuation - he's the best Bregan D'aerthe has, and they need to make fast, consistent time with ~3k people, many of them civilians - and he checks in to give his report and advise on the best route and Quenthel Is There.

And like, she's not making a scene and in fact does not particularly seem to recognize him. Should he remind her of the multiple months they spent on the road together during the Silence of Lolth? She has to remember, right. He spent so much time trying to keep her and Pharaun Mizzrym from killing each other. They visited both the surface and the Demonweb Pits on what was supposed to be a fact-finding mission to Ched Nasad. Her "leadership" got him briefly thralled to an aboleth.

Maybe it's more dignified for everyone if he plays along and pretends they're just now meeting for the first time. Maybe that psychotic break she was working up to when he declined to enter the Abyss for the second time on the road trip gave her amnesia and she genuinely doesn't remember. Maybe she just didn't give enough of a fuck to remember the name and face of the only other survivor of the expedition. Valas certainly isn't going to ask - especially not in front of Jarlaxle - but he can't stop thinking about it either and damn it, he's going to end up reviewing every single time she almost got him killed when he takes reverie tonight, isn't he.

[kai-ice]

🤔 seems kind of hypocritical there Quenthal.

I low key only added Valas as an excuse to call Quenthals hair a bread stick ...

Edit: Valas travels so much that you can't convince me that MF hasn't been to Olive Garden!