We’ve Been Waiting On This Moment.
M-Rated | AO3 | 3,064 words
Part 2 can be found ( here )
Sander and Robbe reunite after the lockdown and Sander tells him all the ways he’s missed him.
Song: Lips on You by Maroon 5
It had never occurred to Sander what it would feel like to love someone so much that he couldn’t imagine a life without them. Someone who he could call his home, someone who could turn all the parts of himself he hated into something good and in more ways than one, love him until time ran out. He felt all of that with Robbe and it sat heavy on his heart.
The separation, at times, had left him tense and weak, his chest so tight he couldn’t breathe; and the need was like a hunger that clawed at him until he was ringing Robbe at crazy hours of the morning, ending the call on breathless moans as the ache settled over him. Sander felt like a spring ready to snap, a coil so tight and twisted, and he was spiralling, spiralling hard and fast. He didn’t think he’d be nervous now but the anxiety settled over him like a dead weight, his control slowly slipping out of his grasp. It was a flurry of emotions that often drowned him, sinking slowly into the darkest parts of his mind; but he was finally getting to see Robbe today.
Every feeling rushed to the surface when he got the text from Robbe to say he was only a few minutes away from the house. He missed it, he missed everything; the way they would touch and the way they would get so wrapped up in one another. Getting to kiss Robbe goodnight and then kissing him in the morning as he’d look up at Sander, hair like a halo around his head, eyes shining as he smiled. It had all become a ghost, lost to only the memories that were engraved in Sander’s mind, because he was so afraid he’d forget. And he didn’t want to forget.
Sander was at the door, opening it before Robbe could even get the chance to knock and time seem to freeze between them when they finally saw each other again. Robbe looked… perfect, so perfect, his hands twitched with the desperation to reach out, but he held back, giving them this one moment to just breathe.
Robbe’s eyes were scanning Sander, until they met his.
“Hey.” Robbe smiled, and Sander was gone, the coil in his chest snapped as he took Robbe’s hands into his and pulled him towards him.
It was as though the dam broke and Sander felt overwhelmed. He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around Robbe, pulling him into a tight hug, scared that letting go would mean he’d disappear again. But Robbe was still there and he was taking Sander’s face into his hands, their lips hovering only inches apart; but to Sander it felt endless.
“You’re here,” Sander whispered between them, closing his eyes as he let Robbe hold him steady.
“I’m here.”
Sander pressed their foreheads together, his breathing shaky as he allowed himself to break down the walls around him, feeling all the parts of him that missed Robbe. He took Robbe’s hands into his and held them, thumbs gently caressing, noses pressing together as Sander placed a ghost of a kiss to Robbe’s cheek. Sander had missed all of this, the nights they would come home to each other and wrap themselves up in blankets, nothing existing outside of their own little world, kissing and touching until they both fell asleep.
He leaned away from Robbe enough to line their mouths up but not kissing him just yet. Robbe smiled, eyes closing as they hovered, the space between them feeling like a vast distance that Sander desperately wanted to fill.
“Can I kiss you?” Sander asked, hesitantly - cautious. Step by step.
He heard Robbe hum quietly, a yes, a please kiss me. “Please.”
Robbe pushed his nose against Sander’s, wanting and needing, and Sander didn’t hesitate in closing the gap between them and sighing into the kiss. It felt like Chernobyl, as though it was their first time all over again. He felt the way Robbe’s lips fit perfectly with his, and how their hands immediately roamed for all the places that they could finally touch. And it wasn’t just Sander who had been starved from getting to touch, but his body, and he could already feel himself melting under Robbe’s hands.
“I need you,” Sander sighed, already pulling Robbe to his room, arms wrapped tightly around his waist.
Robbe breathed a quiet yes, always, and threaded his fingers through Sander’s hair to slide their mouths back together.
Sander moaned into the open-mouthed kiss, “I want you, only you.”
It felt rushed and unsteady, and like a wave crashing over him all at once. It felt like a dream; but Robbe was all consuming and he’d missed that desperately. Sander wasted no time in pushing Robbe up against the bedroom door as it closed behind them. They had the house to themselves and Sander wanted to hear Robbe, wanted to taste him again, wanted to devour every part of him he could; drown in it all.
Their quick kisses turned slow and languid as Sander slid Robbe’s jacket to the floor before pressing him back up against the wall. It was overwhelming and Sander didn’t know how he could keep on taking and taking before it got too much; but one thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to take his time, he wanted to take until they both fell apart in each others arms.
Sander pulled away, tugging at Robbe’s shirt.
“Off, off, off,” he said through a quiet moan as Robbe immediately complied and Sander was able to feel the connection of skin against skin.
It almost broke him.
He had to pause, looking down at Robbe’s toned body, at the way his fingers fit nicely in the curves of his waist. Robbe took this time to press small kisses to Sander’s neck, his tongue ghosting along the skin, soothing the soft bruises that were left behind. Sander arched into it, eyes fluttering closed as he breathed heavy, head tilting to allow more access.
When Robbe pulled away to hold Sander’s face in his hands, they stared at each other with a hunger that drove Sander crazy. It really was like this between them, passionate and feeling so loved that it made Sander wonder how he even came close to deserving it. But being with Robbe felt right, felt real, and it was infinite.
“I missed you, so much,” Robbe gasped, sighing when Sander ran his hands around Robbe’s waist and lifted him up. The younger boy wrapped his legs around him as he carried him to the bed, laying him down gently and crowding up into his space.
He pulled his own shirt over his head, throwing it to the side, before lowering himself over Robbe, allowing their bodies to touch in all the ways they hadn’t in months. Sander traced his hands over Robbe’s chest, down his sides and then into the curves of his waist, lifting his body up to press against his; and it made him shiver when Robbe sighed at the contact too.
“I can’t stay away from you again,” Sander said, absently, looking down at Robbe.
They’ve both been longing for this, waiting for the time that they can touch each other like this again and now that it was finally happening, Sander didn’t know how to handle it without it breaking the both of them. Instead he pressed a kiss just below Robbe’s ear and then another against his jaw before pulling back to look at him.
“Can I tell you all the ways I’ve missed you?” Sander asked, placing one butterfly-fast kiss against Robbe’s nose, his hand settling at his neck, thumb gently rubbing his cheek.
“Hmm.”
Robbe was already staring up at him with eyes half-lidded and hands touching, but Sander took them in his and held them above Robbe’s head.
“I need you to keep these here for me, okay?”
Robbe nodded, mouth open on a silent moan when Sander pulled away, leaving Robbe to clutch at the headboard. It made Sander weak how Robbe was always so compliant, and after being apart for so long, they were both so needy; but Sander wanted to be patient, wanted to drag this out for as long as he could.
So, he started from the beginning.
“I’ve missed your hair and getting to run my hands through it,” Sander said, threading the loose strands around his fingers and tugging, Robbe arching up into the touch, chasing the feeling.
He drifted down his neck, fingers brushing against the skin as he placed them at the corner of Robbe’s mouth and then traced his lips, pressing his thumb down onto Robbe’s tongue as his lips closed around it. Sander couldn’t look away from him, not when he was like this.
“I’ve missed your mouth, your lips, the way they feel against mine.” Robbe pressed up against Sander. “And your tongue.” He removed his fingers and leaned down to press a kiss against Robbe’s jaw.
It was quiet in the room apart from their heavy breathing, and then Robbe sighed Sander’s name softly. It was perfect, hearing that again, the way it rolled so easily off Robbe’s tongue; it made Sander ache for him even more than he thought was possible.
“I’ve missed kissing your neck, marking you up, hearing you moan under me when I do,” Sander said, ghosting his lips against the skin of Robbe’s neck, teeth biting down gently before he soothed it with a gentle kiss.
Robbe whined, low in his throat but he still kept his hands where Sander told him too. He knew it was affecting Robbe, he could feel the way his body reacted under him and it made Sander lose focus, but he didn’t want to stop, not now.
When he pulled away, Robbe looked up at him with shining eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting into a small, shy smile. Fuck, he’d missed that too. The way Robbe always smiled at him, sometimes as though Sander was the only thing that mattered; and he wanted to taste that, he wanted to taste how it felt to make Robbe happy like that.
“Fuck, Robbe, I’ve missed your smile.” Robbe’s grin very quickly turned into a soft moan when Sander leaned down to kiss him, enough to make them both feel dizzy.
They kissed lazily for a while, just wrapped up in each other, the world around them nothing more than a hazy glow. Sander took Robbe’s hands from above his head, locking their fingers together in a tight grip and he felt the way Robbe clung to him; it made his heart ache.
Sander had been so hung up on not getting to see Robbe that he’d overlooked it, the ways Robbe would try so hard to hold it together. He’d been so unfocused and oblivious to how this affected Robbe; but he felt it now. How Robbe was slowly falling apart too. It was a love that devoured them both and Sander couldn’t have wanted any other way.
He brought one of Robbe’s hands to his lips, kissing the fingers as Robbe watched him.
“I’ve missed your hands and the way they touch me,” Sander confessed. “I’ve missed those the most.”
It felt earth-shattering between them, like the ground shook when they were together. It was a love that Sander had needed from the beginning and he shouldn’t have settled for those who told him how to feel, but instead those who showed him how to feel. Robbe was the epitome of that; giving Sander a reason to feel again.
That’s why he kissed every one of Robbe’s fingers so gently, marvelling in the way these were the hands that touched him and made it feel like home. Sander didn’t know how he’d gotten through these months without that in his life every day, and he smiled into every kiss thinking about how he now had this forever. Robbe didn’t say anything, he only followed Sander’s touch as he gently released their grasp on each other, drifting fingers up Robbe’s arms, so lost in thought.
“These… I’ve missed your arms too, and how they always held me through everything,” Sander whispered, almost to himself; so quietly, afraid that Robbe would hear how shaky his voice was.
But of course Robbe heard it, and he knew, so he wrapped those arms around Sander and pulled him closer, placing kiss after kiss. On his cheek, at the corner of his mouth, on his lips. It made him feel vulnerable but he wanted it, and so he pulled away.
“I need to finish telling you,” Sander said.
“Sander - ”
“Please just let me do this.”
Robbe studied him and Sander knew he understood. Taking his time, he kissed his way down Robbe’s neck until the younger boy was writhing beneath him. Sander left the imprint of every touch on his skin and Robbe arched up into his hands while he kissed into the curves of his waist, mouthing at the dips of his collarbone, and ghosting his lips down Robbe’s chest and across his stomach.
Robbe whimpered softly, and Sander had to hold back his moan knowing what this was doing to him. He couldn’t believed he’d managed to last months without feeling all the ways that Robbe seemed to come alive under his touch. It made Sander believe in those cliche fairytale, happily ever afters; and if they were living on the ideas that parallel universes existed, then he was glad that the one he was living in got to love Robbe through every minute that passed.
Sander placed one last kiss to Robbe’s hip and looked up at him, “I’ve missed having you like this.”
He reached out with his tongue, tasting, eyes never leaving Robbe’s, before he followed it with a kiss. He sucked lightly at the skin and Robbe whined, fingers threading through Sander’s hair, gripping him tightly, holding on. It grounded both of them, keeping them both in the consistent orbit that existed with only the two of them.
“Fuck, I love you,” Robbe said, “so much.”
Sander made his way back up Robbe’s body until he was hovering over him, a soft smile playing on the edge of his lips.
“I love you too.”
He’d never grow tired of that, of hearing Robbe tell him how much he loves him. And he’d never grow tired of telling him the same. It made Sander forget all about the heartache he’d had over these few months without Robbe being there every day to fall asleep to.
Robbe looked up at him with those soft doe-like eyes, his hair framing his face, and Sander had never seen a beauty like it before. He leaned down to kiss Robbe briefly, one soft peck of the lips, and Robbe chased the feeling, reaching for more but Sander pulled back, teasing.
“I always believed that I had you in another universe, especially when I couldn’t have you in this one,” Sander said, their lips brushing, a ghost of a touch as he spoke. “And I was scared that you wouldn’t miss me.”
Robbe made the sweetest of sounds in the back of his throat, pressing his body up against Sander’s.
“I always missed you, I missed you every day.”
He allowed Robbe to kiss him, only once, and then he shook his head, the demons in his thoughts always trying to fight their way out, to play on his insecurities like his mind wasn’t already in shreds.
“But not being with you made me realise that I really need you, and you made it seem so easy to survive without me.” Sander looked away, hands fumbling at the sheets, framing Robbe’s waist; but the younger boy reached up and rested his fingers at the nape of Sander’s neck.
“Look at me.” And Sander did. “It wasn’t easy. I hated it. You didn’t just love me in all the ways I didn’t know I needed… you made me better, you fixed the broken parts and made me whole again. Living without that is hard but I knew it was harder for you, and your happiness is more important to me.”
“My happiness is being with you,” Sander said through a soft smile, leaning down to kiss Robbe with every fibre of his being. They did that for a while, the silence around them filled with nothing more than their heavy breathing, until hands were roaming and Sander couldn’t help but push their bodies closer.
He bit down gently on Robbe’s lower lip, holding it between his teeth before soothing it with a kiss; and Robbe was making all these soft noises and whimpering against his mouth like it wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t, they both wanted more, and Sander kept on kissing and kissing until all he could feel was Robbe, Robbe, Robbe. Everywhere.
And then Robbe thread his fingers through Sander’s hair, pulling just enough to part their lips for a second while they both panted quietly against each other.
“I wasn’t surviving without you, I was counting down the days until I could touch you too, and kiss you,” Robbe smiled against Sander’s mouth. “And make love to you,” he added on a soft whine.
It really was Chernobyl.
Sander moaned, “fuck, the way I feel when I’m with you, it - I -”
“Make love to me,” Robbe cut him off with a whisper, arching up into Sander, eyes rolling back the second that Sander drove his hips down against Robbe’s.
He traced his hand up against Robbe’s chest and pressed it to his throat lightly, feeling the pulse underneath; and then he leaned down and kissed Robbe into oblivion. For real this time. No more teasing, no more words between them besides the moans and their names softly spoken into each other mouths as they came apart in more ways than one.
The layers between them were shed into nothing but skin against skin and the sheet wrapped around their legs while they made up for all the time that had been lost. Sander hadn’t always believed in multiple universes and a passionate love that consumed every part of him, but being with Robbe made him want every minute to drag into the next, just so he could spend forever feeling like this.
