#writing things;

[sweetbitterpdf]

long-frame original fiction writing starter pack

[sweetbitterpdf]

👀👀👀

[kjungsj-blog]

neehaokailan:

You have reached Soojung!! I’m probably kinda busy right now, so hey just leave whatever you wanna say after the beep and I’ll get right back to you.

beep

silence

"…. Soojung-ah, what does it feel like to fly? Is it as good as I’ve always imagined it to be? The wind whipping your hair in all directions and leaving a sharp, cool sensation on your face, adrenaline coursing through your veins, leaving you breathless and exhilarated, do you feel that all? Do you feel free now? Do you feel no more pain? I know we’ve always joked that you’re the spawn of satan" laughter “but I think you’re a beautiful angel now, flying through the streets of Seoul without a care in the world, face ridden of all the worry lines it used to carry. And damn, you are the most beautiful angel out there, I’m sure.”

shuffling noises

"Ignore the first 134 messages I’ve left, and listen to this one. Those were… Those were me in denial. The news came as a shock.. And, um.. And I guess I couldn’t handle it. Hell, I can’t.. I still can’t wrap my mind around it. Fuck this isn’t going as planned." sniffles, more shuffling noises. "I promised myself that this would be the last message I would leave, and the last time I’ll be calling this number. I even wrote a goddamn script, trying to be calm and all. But.. But after hearing your voice I just— I just can’t—"

ripping noises, louder sniffling.

"You know what? Fuck the script. Your line hasn’t been deactivated yet, and I’m taking it as a sign that somewhere, somehow, you’re listening to this. I know it sounds far fetched coming from me, I’m the last one you would expect to believe in all that supernatural bull crap, but I’m demanding that the universe lets you hear this one last message from me. You heard me universe? Capiche?” a hitch in breathing, a shaky voice. “Soojung, I miss you… I miss you so much it goddamn hurts. Remember that one time I told you I got burnt really bad on my ass and it motherfucking hurt and I almost passed out because of the pain? It hurts more than that. It feels like my heart is being torn slowly out of my chest and the ventricles and atria being chewed apart. Sorry for the graphic depiction, but that’s barely half of what the pain I’m feeling now. I miss you. I miss you nagging at me, I miss nagging at you. I miss you telling me to get off my lazy ass to do something with my life, and I clearly need that because the state I’m in right now— I’m lost. It’s like the world has come to a standstill. 15 days, 3 hours, 58, 59 seconds since the news was broken to me and I’m still fucking lost in this shit hole of a world. I need you here to tell me not to forget to eat lunch because god knows what I’ll do without you around. I’ll probably miss 2 meals and die of starvation without realising it. I’m rambling again aren’t I?” curses “I called because… I called because I missed your voice and it seems like hearing it over a pre recorded message is the only time I’ll ever get to hear it again. Pathetic, I know, but I’ll settle for it if I get to hear your voice one last time. I’m a man of many regrets, Soojung, and I’ll always regret not hugging you for just a second longer, or messaging you a minute earlier so that we could have talked more. And.. And I regret not telling you that I love you when I last saw you with that brilliant smile of yours as you walked away from me. If.. If I had known, I would’ve pulled you back and never let you leave. But seeing that a time machine hasn’t been built yet, these regrets will always be just regrets and I can’t turn back time to right them. And to make up for the unexpressive shit of a person and best friend that I am, I shall say it now. I love you, so, so so sosososo much. In my heart you will always remain as the strong, amazing, talented Jung Soojung. Our memories and adventures are never to be forgotten. I’m.. I’m starting to cry again and this message is supposed to be a happy one.. so I— I’ll just leave it at this. Wherever you are now, I love you, and I miss you.”

Thank you for the message.

Soojung hears the messages that Jongin leaves her — all one hundred and thirty five of them. It isn’t that she can somehow still access her voicemail. No, she lost that ability the moment her heart stopped beating. But Soojung is right there, right next to him, watching him fall apart at the sound of her voice when he dials her number. Wait, she’s getting ahead of herself. Stories should start from the beginning, and this story just so happens to begin at the end – her end.

She isn’t quite sure how it happens, to be honest. It sounds cliché, but all she remembers is screaming, the sound of something breaking (she has a creeping suspicion that it had been her back), and then nothing. Next thing she knows, she finds herself standing by Jongin’s bedside, the boy just staring blankly at a framed photograph of the two of them. Soojung half wishes he had chosen a different photo of them because her hair looked god awful in that one.

She finds out she’s been dead for four days, seven hours, twenty-three minutes, eight seconds and counting – Jongin keeps track of this obsessively. She doesn’t find out how she died though, because Jongin doesn’t like to talk about it. She’s a little bit curious, but Soojung supposes it doesn’t really matter how she died. She’s dead. She had thought being dead would mean that nothing would hurt any more, but watching Jongin hurts like nothing she has ever known. He’s never been the most outgoing person, but he withdraws even further into himself. He forgets to eat, forgets to sleep, and she watches, unable to do anything, as he pushes everyone away. He can’t even bring himself to attend her funeral, and she’s angry with herself for dying and leaving him like this. Some nights, he whispers that he misses her, and that he loves her, and that he wishes she were there. Soojung wants so badly to wrap him up in her arms and tell him that she is there, and that she loves him too and that there’s no reason to miss her at all.

He doesn’t get over her death though. A week passes, then two weeks, and the mention of her name still sends him over the edge. His manager tells him to snap out of it, tells him that she wouldn’t have wanted to see him in that state. It sends him into a blinding rage, and all of a sudden, sweet, kind, gentle Jongin who could never hurt a fly has the man pinned against the wall, teeth bared and fist raised. Soojung yells at him to stop, and he freezes. She thinks that maybe he has heard her, but he doesn’t acknowledge her presence, simply letting his manager go. “You don’t know her like I do,” he spits as he stalks off.

The fact that he still speaks about her in present tense breaks her heart.

She starts trying to speak to him more after that incident. Soojung talks to him all day, providing meaningless commentary on the things that he does. She reminds him to eat, because she has always nagged at him about things like that. She reminds him to take care of himself on the days he feels good enough to get out of bed and go for dance practice. Soojung can tell from the faraway gaze in his eyes between water breaks that dancing reminds him of her, and she feels awful that she has managed to ruin the one thing he is most passionate about for him. But then she watches him pour his heart and soul into his dancing, and she thinks maybe, just maybe, dancing makes him miss her a little less (because he feels closer to her when he dances). It is only at night, when Jongin teeters on the edge between wakefulness and sleep does she talk to him about more serious things. Mostly she tells him about how much she loves him, tells him funny little stories about their friendship. He starts smiling in his sleep instead of crying, and she thinks maybe he’s dreaming about her. But the peacefulness never lasts, because Jongin always wakes up, and he always remembers that she’s gone. And that’s usually when he reaches for his phone.

He does it just to hear her voice when voicemail kicks in, she knows. And he leaves her little messages, because he likes pretending that she’s going to hear them and call him back to talk about it. Watching Jongin like that tears Soojung apart. He has always been her rock, the one she leans on whenever she’s down. But now he’s the one who’s falling apart, and she doesn’t know how to put him back together. Soojung doesn’t know how she died, but she does know that Jongin is the last person she saw before she died. Maybe that’s why he’s taking it so hard, she supposes.

“And I regret not telling you that I love you when I last saw you with that brilliant smile of yours as you walked away from me. If… If I had known, I would’ve pulled you back and never let you leave.”

She wants to tell him that she knows he loves her, and that it’s not his fault, because he couldn’t have known what would happen. Soojung wants to tell him to stop blaming himself for her death. She wants to tell him that he is an amazing best friend, and that she might have been dead a long time ago if it weren’t for him. She wants to tell him that she feels so blessed to have known him because he’s never made her feel anything but happiness. But the hundred and thirty-fifth message he leaves her is different. Jongin doesn’t break down at the end of it. In fact, he sounds like he’s finally come to terms with her death. It makes her want to ruffle his hair, and tell him that she’s really proud of him. And somehow, Soojung knows that this will be the last day that she gets to spend with him. He's (finally) beginning to heal – he doesn't need her to be watching over him any more.

That night, he calls out to her. She hums back in response instinctively, even though he cannot hear her. When she turns to him though, she finds that he is looking straight at her. She is surprised, to say the least, calling his name softly to find out if he really can see her. The way that his eyes fill with tears lets her know that for some reason, she’s not quite so invisible any more. Jongin reaches a hand out to her, and she meets him halfway, surprised yet again when she realizes she can feel his palm – warm and calloused – underneath hers. They stay like that for a while, neither of them speaking, because that's the way they have always been. The silence between them speaks volumes. Besides, they have already said all there is to say.

“I’ll be gone by morning,” Soojung finally breaks the silence, whispering so softly that he might not have heard her had he not been listening quite so closely.

“I know,” he answers calmly, and they fall silent once more.

Quietly, she climbs into bed with him, and he opens his arms for her to settle against his chest. The closeness is comforting, and Soojung almost believes that she has somehow come back to life. He holds her close, fighting sleep for want of more time with her. But he is only human, and sleep manages to find him somehow despite all his resistance. And as his eyelids flutter shut against his will, he feels her whisper ‘I love you’ against his ear. 

When Jongin wakes up, he is alone again.

[kjungsj-blog]

Dear future me,

Dear future Soojung,

How are you? I hope you’re happy. Are you still with Jongin? Do you still love him? The answer to both of those questions better be yes, or I’ll be very disappointed in you, well me.  You’re — I’m — an idiot if you ever let him go. We promised him an eternity and a day, remember? Anyway, I shall have some faith in us and assume that we’ve managed to hold onto our man. Speaking of our man, I hope you’ve also been taking care of our other man. Has he found himself someone yet? Is she nice to him? Are you mean to her? You probably are. I would be, and you’re me so. But if she makes him happy, then don’t be too hard on her okay? I promise to try and be nice too. Is f(x) still around? I hope they are. Despite all the stress, I really do enjoy performing. We’ve been doing it our entire life, haven’t we? The unnies — Vic, Amber, Luna — are they still taking care of you well? How’s Ssul? Do you two still fight to show your love? They’re a big part of your life, so even if f(x) is no longer officially together, f(x) will always exist in your heart. Keep in touch with everyone, okay? I love them all, and I hate to think that I might have let people who mean so much to me go. Anyway, I hope you are a better person now. I’m still young, and I have a lot to learn. I really hope that you’re more experienced and knowing than I am. I look forward to meeting — being — you.

Always yours,

Past Soojung

[kjungsj-blog]

Dear best friend,

Dear Ravi,

You were the first person to come to mind when I thought of a best friend. You’re actually kind of more than that though — you’re the Peter Pan to my Wendy, you’re one third of the Three Musketeers with Jongin and I. Life would be so much more boring without you, I hope you know that. Sometimes I wonder how we came to be such good friends. It’s hard to believe that I’ve only known you for such a short period of time because honestly it feels like I’ve known you my whole life. I love how easy it is to talk to you, to joke with you. Things are never dull with you in my life. But I also love the way you care for me and look after me. You said to me once that I was too good for you, but that’s not true. You’re the one who is too good for me, and I’m so grateful everyday that you decided to be my friend. You’ve never judged me, and you’ve always supported me no matter what. I can only hope to be half as good of a friend to you as you are to me. So you can’t go anywhere, because I haven’t even began to show you just how much you mean to me. Did you hear? We’re going to France next. I’m excited, of course, France is a beautiful country, but a part of me is slightly worried about that scenario coming true. I would never make the mistake of saying ‘I hate you’ to you ever again, but it would kill me if you tried to push me away. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite, because I tried to push you away when things got tough. But you refused to leave me, and I’m so thankful. I would never leave you either, please know that. You’re bound for life to feed me anyway, I hope you didn’t forget that. Here’s to having many more great adventures together and never losing our youth. After all, to live would be an awfully big adventure.

With love,

Krystal

[kjungsj-blog]

Dear Boyfriend

Dearest knight,

Let me start of by telling you that you are most definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. You complete me; you are my better half. Some nights I wonder how I lived the last nineteen years of my life without you. It wasn’t love at first sight. In fact, I had been under the impression that I didn’t like you very much. They really weren’t kidding when they said that there’s a fine line between love and hate though. Somehow, along the way — the times we were the only ones practicing at the crack of dawn, walking by each other backstage, celebrating our wins together — I must have fallen in love with you. Being with you comes as naturally to me as breathing. More naturally even, because sometimes when I’m with you I even forget to breathe. You have that effect on me. The first time we kissed, you belonged to someone else. It was wrong, and I felt awful, but I couldn’t think of anything except how nice it felt to have your lips on mine, your hands on me. I didn’t realise how much I had wanted you until then. I wish Jinri nothing but the best, because I owe her the world. You are my world, mine. You’re mine now, and some days I still have a hard time believing that. We’ve had a rough start, and no one would have held it against you if had chosen to walk away, but you stayed. And for that I cannot thank you enough. It won’t always be smooth sailing from here on, and I am still lacking in many ways, but I love you and you make me want to be better. And I will be. I can do anything with you by my side.

With all my heart,

Your princess

[kjungsj-blog]

Coffee: My character will be hyped up on coffee and pester yours

Coffee: My character will be hyped up on coffee and pester yours

"Jieun," Soojung whined, "Jieunnie, wake up!" It was almost four in the morning, and they had to be up in about two hours for the broadcast, but the two girls were still up.

Well, Jieun had been trying to go to sleep for the past hour now, but Soojung was having none of it. Soojung had been bored out of her mind in her own room, not used to sleeping by herself in foreign countries. She had made herself a cup of coffee to keep herself awake as she read a book, but all of a sudden she was on her sixth cup, book long forgotten. She had gone to look for Jieun then, and the girl had welcomed her into the room, where she was watching some romantic comedy that was playing on tv.

That had been two hours ago.

Jieun had started to doze off after the end of their movie, but Soojung had insisted on having a pillow fight. Jieun had indulged her at first, but after about twenty rounds of charades and painting each other’s nails, Jieun was just about ready to collapse while Soojung seemed to have more energy as time went by, if that was even possible. Jieun really wanted to sleep, but it proved to be a rather impossible task. At first, she had been afraid of hurting the girl’s feelings, only gently hinting that she was tired. But she quickly figured out that Soojung never took offence at anything when she was on a caffeine high. Jieun had lost count of the number of times she had just stopped talking to the girl to try and go to sleep, but Soojung would only shake her until she responded. Jieun vaguely wondered if the girl was drunk or on drugs, because she had the most peculiar coffee high.

Once she made sure that Jieun wasn’t dozing off any more, Soojung started to alternate between singing Marshmallow and some raunchy English love song that she didn’t know the title of, but somehow knew all the words to.

Jieun finally decided that it had gone on for long enough halfway through Soojung’s rendition of Livin’ la Vida Loca, pulling the girl down onto the bed and wrapping the covers around her firmly. “I think it’s way past your bedtime, Soojung.”

Soojung frowned at Jieun. “I’ll share my chocolates with you if you let me finish the song,” she bargained.

Jieun frowned slightly — what chocolates? She hadn’t even seen Soojung eating any chocolates. But then again, she had been too busy trying to sneak in some sleep to notice what the other girl was doing half the time. Soojung tilted her head in the direction of the bedside table, unable to move from the cocoon of covers Jieun had wrapped her in. Curiously, she picked the almost complete eaten bar of chocolate up.

"Liquor chocolates," she read the label. Ah, that explained a lot. Soojung was drunk and high on caffeine.

She broke off a small square and tossed it into her mouth, the liquor burning down her throat as she bit into the chocolate. They were pretty good, she had to admit. But she put them aside, turning back to Soojung only to find that the girl had fallen asleep. Sighing contentedly at the silence, Jieun settled back into the bed to enjoy the one hour of sleep she had left.