#written august

[ardently-fond]

"Of course you leave." I mutter under my breath as the hand that was cautiously feeling your supposed to be side of the bed now covering half of my face from the rest of the world. Huh, apparently knowing that you won't be here each and every single morning doesn't dissipate the squandering feeling of disappointment on the pit of my stomach. God, I hate it. God, I hate you, and I know better than this, and yet still I come everytime my phone rings. It's just -It has been four months for fuck's sake! You could at the very least humor me by staying. "God, get a fucking grip. You agreed to this. You know he won't stay. Stop mourning like a lost kid." I keep muttering to my-- CLANK! "What on earth?" I get up quietly from the bed, for god's sake it's 6 in the morning, people don't rob houses at freaking six, aren't they?! My feet moves hesitantly across the room until the view stops me from moving any further. He stands there in the middle of my kitchen, making god awful noises and god knows what else with all the pans and the bowls --probably coffee, I smell coffee, and eggs? But he's there, towering in the middle of a dimly lit kitchen --how he can see anything he's making, I do not know-- standing simply in shorts and t-shirt, clumsily locating where things should be. He's there in my kitchen. Circe, he's here! I walk to the nearest switch and turn all the lamps on. His sharp intake of breath echoes in the room. "You'll know what you're making with the lights on." I say cautiously. Is this actually happening? Is he actually here? "What are you doing here?" he says exasperatedly. "It's six in the morning, go back to bed..." I bite my tongue before I can utter a single word I'll regret. "Why? So I will once again wake up with the thought of you not being here?" I say quietly, not sure whether to actually spill the things I have long piled up inside my head. God, that sounds so selfish, doesn't it? I can't face him, not like this, not when my emotions are not in the right place, not when he clearly doesn't want me to see him in my kitchen. "I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it." I mutter under my breath before turning back to the way I came, yet strong, firm hands wraps themselves around my body --this is the hands I have found myself so familiar with, the hands that have shielded my body again and again, caress it like a lover, hold it like a protector, I have lost my mind time and time again under the heated touch and lust induced trace, this is the hands that wrap themselves around me everynight yet leave my body to shudder in cold every morning. "Don't leave. I just want to make you breakfast, and it's still too early, you need more rest." he says slowly, probably trying to make my child brain understand his intentions. "You stayed." I state quietly, afraid that he'll be afraid and run to the hill. "I stayed." "Why?" "Because I have been wanting to stay for the last two months and yet I didn't know whether you would be okay with it or not. I'm sorry for taking so much time only to gather my courage." I turn my body in his embrace, putting a distance between us so that I could see his face. "You could ask me..." I say softly, only for him to hear the vulnerability in my voice. "I'm afraid you'd run and leave me behind. It's not what we agree on the first time, you know." "We don't agree on anything. We fuck then we'll see what will happen." he smiles at me. "I just realize seeing you in only one of my shirt makes me want to ask you another thing." he grins mischievously, his eyes twinkling. He leans close to my ear, nipping the lobe teasingly, making my spine shudder under his mercy. "Do you want chocolate chips in your pancakes?" he says in a low voice, humming in satisfaction when another shudder rips through my body, looking back at me with a grin in his face. "You utter git!" I say with a laugh as I slap his shoulder playfully. "Yes, I want chocolate chips in my pancakes." he chuckles slightly as he releases me from his embrace. "Go back to bed, your breakfast will be ready in 10, My Liege." I shake my head as a smile adores my lips when he goes back to making breakfast. God, this morning is real, isn't it? Yet as I almost leave the room his voice stops me once again --no, the raw vulnerability in his voice stops me. "What if I say I want more than this? I want morning afters, I want breakfast in bed, I want friday night movie theater, I want to have dinner with you without any special occassion. What if I say I want to stay for so much more than just morning afters?" I can't hide my smile as I turn around to face him. For once, he looks so young, so lost, that my heart flutters madly in my chest. This is him, wearing his heart on his sleeve, offering everything that is him into this. "Then I wouldn't want it any differently. I'm here. I won't run." This is me with my heart on my sleeve, asking you to catch it as I catch yours. #WrittenAugust #WrittenAugustDay5

[moonageloony]

1. it was beautiful and terrific. the first time i fell in love. it tastes like..everything. upside down, downside up, up and down. i was overwhelmed. 2. still beautiful. if it ever had an actual taste, i'd say it tastes like vanilla, with butterflies in my stomach, bring chills down my spine, and cold, sweaty palms. 3. it went up. straight up. a simple touch that led me straight up like a rollercoaster that climbs up. it felt like forever. we flew away. looked down to people, had that feeling where we are the gods--young gods. you gave me that taste of heaven, and we were in it. for a moment, you made me feel eternal. 4. eros. you got addicted. i got addicted. we, got addicted. we drowned. strived. starved. as if we burnt. slowly but fast. we were getting drowned deeper and deeper. hatred. jealousy. insecurities. we were swollen into the fire. 5. we grew tired. no longer saw the apple from our eyes. there were another fruits. more fresh. greener grass. clearer skies on the other side. slowly but sure, started to abandoning our house. we walked.. separately. it was a ride of a rollercoaster. we went in and it goes slowly. then, it crawled up all of a sudden with a jolt. i was anxious. my palms were sweating. *shrugs* i looked at you, you looked calm--eager, even. as if you had been looking forward to keep climbing up the ride. you kept looking straight front, and i was keep looking at you. then it went straight downward, fast. you had embraced it since it was on the peak. i was jolted. shocked. but i have never could predict the end, even when i thought i could. but the ride keeps going on. it stops. then it starts again. bringing new passengers. the rollercoaster stays the same, but the passengers feel different things, says different opinions, different reactions. it keeps operating, no matter what. but that's what was all about. it was all a ride. we are, in a ride to an end. on our way, we have our ups and downs--straight stills, even. along with that, we healed. we go back again, we fall again, we lost something, we found something, we create something, and we lost and found something in the process of creating something. that, is what it has been about. it wont wait it wont start whenever we wanted to it wont stop for any of us. p. s. it is a hell of a ride that lasts forever, and i found myself walking straight forward, with a faith that i'll be fine, and so do you. because we're just souls that's trapped in this hell of a ride, just like any other beings, waiting to be free. and with all of the things throughout our ride together, i found myself. i found myself because of you, of us. we've been more than two passengers sat side by side throughout the ride, we're about to breakthrough. but before that, we're just gonna have to ride the rollercoaster. face all the ups and downs, and find ourselves, once more, and forever. #WrittenAugust #WrittenAugustDay25 x #WrittenAugustDay26 x #WrittenAugustDay27 x #WrittenAugustDay28 x #WrittenAugustDay29 x #WrittenAugustDay30

[moonageloony]

[this is gospel, for the fallen ones.] how funny i keep telling myself to embrace it all as if im ready. as if i expect myself to expect everything that’ll come.

i mocked myself, “nah i wont grow up! i DONT grow up. adults are dead men walking. they aint have fire inside them to keep them alive!” i was referring to passion, soul, will.

i kept seeing myself in a world of my own. “i believe”, i said. “i believe in good. i believe I AM good.” i kept creating my own world. getting bigger each day, with everyone i have met along.

and with every story, comes love to spice the story up.

so i made you become one.

i made you as my main character in my story. my world.

you said and did one thing and i doubled it up as bigger things.

EVERYONE said and did one thing, and i also, doubled them up into bigger things.

because; “if it’s not real you can’t hold it in your hand you can’t feel it with your heart and I won’t believe it but if it’s true then you can see it with your eyes oh, even in the dark and that’s where I want to be.” dont forget to keep your feet on the ground, when your head’s in the clouds.

because no one’s gonna catch you this time. no one’s gonna catch you when you jump from the top of the cliff. no one’s gonna catch you when you fly too close to the sun. no one’s there to keep you off from your fear of you falling apart. –and so she fell. she falls apart. she is falling apart. tsk. i should’ve known i should’ve known from the start, i can’t and i will never be able to predict the end.

———————————————– a bit early for day 24th of written august but, here it is. ✨

[moonageloony]

Ive always been a dreamer. And the worst thing i could ever imagine is that i never actually do something significant, important, meaningful, to my family, friends, and everyone around me.

–my biggest fear is that i dont do anything/be something meaningful to ppl before i die.

[moonageloony]

i opened my time-capsule. letters, photographs, muse's drones album, my journals. the forgotten memories--not really. but the feelings. until i opened the box again, the time-capsule. *chuckles* i hate looking back to the past. i wrote down so many mistakes in it the scars still hurt, until now. the journals where my (used to be) friends wrote down their thoughts &feelings the movie tickets and events that i visited with my exes (p. s. i laugh at this rn actually.) the muse's drones album where he surprised me with at 7 eleven. the photograph of me and my friend as my bday gift. *smiles* I take back what i've said; Its not all sad stories not that hurt, they give me this feeling instead of who i am. and yes, along with those i tainted them up with my mistakes i basically ruined my own stories but aside from my stains, they were all lovely lovely days lovely times, and as Dr. Seuss says; Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened. (-)as i write this down, i pour my emotions out. letting all of my anger and grudges written down. all the forgotten moments flooded along with feelings and thoughts in it. to recall the forgotten, has brought a way for myself to forgive them, and myself. #WrittenAugust #WrittenAugustDay13 // forgotten

[moonageloony]

As everything comes to an end I know this one will And its just only a matter of time Until one of us say the words. Because, hey Whats the worst that i can say? Things are better if i (uhm) dont stay So, So long, and goodnight. //krek #WrittenAugust #WrittenAugustDay12 // so long and goodnight

[moonageloony]

the sound of life.

um, what? how does it even sound, again?

ya, u heard me. the sound of life. birds chirping, people talking from afar, kids running around and laughing, wind blows, footsteps, the trees got blown by the wind, the life itself.

and yours are my very most favorite. when we’re talking on the phone. the way you say “hello” especially when you humming and the way you talk to me like you just woke up which mostly you always, literally do, just woke up and when you sigh breathe, God, even i love it when you’re breathing.

//krek

#WrittenAugust #WrittenAugustDay9