again, don’t read this if you don’t want 15x20 spoilers!!! trigger warning: mentions of su!c!de (not me obvi)
okay so i feel like i should’ve waited 24 hours before posting my last written post... not that i don’t think that i was wrong or what not, but my opinions have changed a bit since last night...
one, i saw everyone’s theories about dean killing himself and that he saw the nail. honestly, i completely agree. right before the vamp pushed him onto it, we get a scene of the nail right next to deans face, and honestly i feel like he saw it. it’s not like he could’ve moved a bit to not hit it while the vampire was pushing him, they do it all the time! but i saw one theory that really hit me hard. dean purposely letting the vampire push him on the nail because he couldn’t live with the survivors guilt of letting cas die for him for honestly nothing. now as much as i like that dean went down fighting, like he’s always wanted, i can’t help but feel angry that it feels like he killed himself. not that i didn’t expect that, but it wasn’t what should’ve happened, i mean he’s literally telling sammy to always keep fighting yet he does this?! and okay i think all of this makes me sound like i don’t understand, because honestly i do. i understand survivors guilt and suicidal ideation, i mean i’ve seriously been through this thinking process over and over again and honestly i hate that the writers put it in the finale because it shows that it’s okay to let go, and it’s not! i’ve forced myself to believe that there are people out there who do and will love me, and then they show this? i don’t know maybe i’m taking this completely wrong but this is what it feels like.
and two, i feel like they should’ve gotten cas, jody, donna, eileen, jack, or literally anyone to be in the show! that’s what this show is about! family that doesn’t end in blood!
three, i feel like it should’ve been done better if dean was going to die. not some stupid vampire nest that took us back to the earlier seasons because honestly that vampire had nothing to do with the storyline! if they wanted to do something that connected the earlier seasons, they could’ve used demons who had a connection to yellow eyes! or angels who still thought that the original apocalypse was the best plan. not some stupid vampire that none of us remembered and who died not thirty seconds after they showed her face!
and lastly, they should’ve listened to jensen! he told them that he didn’t feel like it was right, and they told him to step back and look at the story and the fans! that makes absolutely no sense! out of all the people, jensen should know the most about dean, he’s spent fifteen years being him! they should’ve listened to him, honestly! did the writers really think that we’d be happy with this? and i’m not saying that it was terrible, because honestly i expected a lot worse, and this was like them doing the bare minimum and i don’t like it. i also wish they would’ve waited to film after covid chilled out because it’s not fair that in the show almost everyone, besides jensen and jared, are standing six feet apart!
i don’t know... let me know how you feel about the finale, maybe you guys have a brighter opinion that will make me feel better! also in no way do i think that what i said before was wrong, i do think it was okay and like the minimum of perfect but new thoughts have come to light haha. i still like it and will except it, but i do wish it was better.
-kansasandpie xx<3