It's sad seeing privilege at work in queer conversations. In the last few days, outspoken elderly gay SF writer David Gerrold has become increasingly shrill over his assertion that transfolks calling for a boycott of the Boy Wizard School show are protesting wrong and that the TERF creator should be taken down with the equivalent of the pie in the face that turned Anita Bryant into a joke, and is basically loudly shouting "I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I'M A SUPPORTER OF TRANS RIGHTS AND I KNOW BEST FOR YOU," and...sigh.
I sometimes joke that I was an an ally far longer than I've been a customer, and my brain is still very much in ally mode due to years of training and understanding the job. Back in the early 2000s, I was entirely that guy and a dear friend gave me a very stern talking to about being a useful ally instead of a patronizing roadblock (or speed bump). He said, essentially, "If you want to be an ally you can carry water, carry a spear, give your voice, put your body on the line, use your privilege. What you can't do is tell us how to fight our battles."
His whole approach was, "I got mine, find your own ladder," and it's terribly sad.