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This is the short promo created for Essential Strides! Help spread positivity and love around the world by donating at EssentialStrides.org/donate
They are headed back yo Peru to perform much needed foot and ankle surgeries.
And stay tuned for a longer documentary!
Public Health Conferences and Piggly Wiggly Bags
In the past few weeks I have been on a tour of the Midwest. From Milwaukee to Madison to Iowa City to Chicago to St. Louis. Some of these cities multiple times. I am exhausted and my travel toothbrush has become my regular one, but the result is a successful conference presentation and a job at the Children’s Hospital of Milwaukee, which I start next week!
Last week in St. Louis the Institute for Public Health held it’s 7th annual conference, focusing on “Public Good and Individual Choice: Navigating the Complexities of Public Health in a Modern Society." The speaker presentations inspired the audience to think critically on the choices made in the interest of the public or that of the individual. I found the presentations inspiring for work within the United States, but wondered how this conference would be perceived in a developing country or collectivist society. This left me to reflect on my experience in Peru and whether international social work is working for the local or global public good, for these populations have very different “goods”. Furthermore, individual choice is not always a priority much less an option for many communities, including marginalized populations within the United States. Nevertheless, this is a pertinent topic while we are seeing companies like Hobby Lobby win the right to limit health care coverage to their employees based on their individual religious interests.
Touching base with the world of academia was a great inspiration and looking ahead I plan to seek publishing for my research, schmooze some people to co-author with me, seek NIMH funding, and return to Peru in Febuary for another conference. Seems like I'm pretending to be a PhD student huh....
And now to wrap things up…
I don’t know everything about this world, but something I fully believe in is that this life does not get easier. You get stronger. That’s how we deal with the big decisions, the rock-and-a-hard-place situations, and the most difficult…losing the people you love. I mentioned briefly at the beginning of this blog that my project is dedicated to my late grandmother, Genevieve. What I did not mention is that her death is the reason why I left home.
Last January, I was in India when I got word her health was failing. I know I don’t need to explain the feelings of helplessness, frustration, sadness, and fear inspired by a loved one being sick while you are across the world. It’s unforgettable. I could think of nothing else during my last few days in India and the countless hours spent traveling back home. Luckily, things had stabilized by the time I arrived and we were able to spend a few hours planning a new summer together…filled with shopping trips, Michigan cherries, waffle swirl cones, and old stories. Peru would have to wait.
In the coming months we talked on the phone every day, sharing the ups and downs as she fought to come home from the hospital. She caught me up on the hospital gossip, I caught her up on the final projects and papers in my academic life, and we always ended by planning my next trip home. She always asked me to wait just a little longer.
On a Wednesday morning in March I finally got the call to come home, but it broke my heart. She had left without saying goodbye.
The weeks following were incredibly frustrating as I struggled to work through my grief, finish grad school, and make plans for my future. I no longer had the comfort of my grandmother’s hand on mine, giving me strength and peace of mind. Instead, I had the memory of her saying “you can always come back home”. So with that in mind, I quickly turned it all around again, found a new funding source, finalized my proposals, and prepared to leave the country.
In the first few months of this adventure, I questioned my decision several times. I didn’t know yet what this experience would do for me and wondered what Genevieve would think about it all. One day, I got an answer.
It was her birthday, July 26th, and I had been dreading it for days. I did not feel ready for an anniversary like this. Thankfully, I would be occupied with a medical campaign in a neighboring village where research from the clinic was being conducted. As we were setting up to take temperature, blood pressure, and spirometer measurements I was asked to retrieve a bag from the van holding the spirometer mouthpieces. I could not believe these were inside a plastic Piggly Wiggly grocery bag! Here I was, in a tiny village in Peru looking at a grocery bag from the store I only ever went to with my grandmother. Over the years we must have had a thousand trips there together…I just looked at that pink pig’s face again and again. Maybe it sounds ridiculous but I suddenly felt like she was holding my hand again, telling me she was here, and that she wanted me to pick up cinnamon rolls and paper towels at the Pig.
I am so grateful for the gifts Genevieve gave me. She is the reason for my strength and the reason for my adventure. And this one was nothing short of amazing. Thank you for reading and sharing it with me!
It's hard out here for a chick
I resisted blogging about this. I really tried not to, but I couldn't get away from it. I mean, who really wants to read yet another white chick complaining about being a white chick? Not me, that's for sure.
So I won't go into my daily frustrations of unwanted attention, lack of respect, and general second class treatment resulting from existing in a female body. We all know that story anyway. Instead, I want to talk about what I have learned about being a woman from the women of Yantaló.
First, sometimes it sucks to be a woman. They know this, just as any other female does. Accepting this as a fact of life is uncomfortable and the Western-First World Feminist in me screams that accepting injustice only allows for continuation of injustice. Yet, the women I have spoken to here don't see it that way. In their eyes the burden they carry from injustice is simply a game to be played. The game is called Machismo, a.k.a. sexism, a.k.a. gendered discrimination and you have no choice but to play. The rules will take years to learn. When to pass go, when to take a chance and roll the dice, when to play it safe and hold your cards, when to form alliances with the other side...these rules you must learn from your mothers, your aunts, your sisters and your sisterhood. Learn the rules, stay out of trouble, and stay a step ahead of the opposition.
Second, stepping away from the pack has severe consequences. The game has rules that aren't fair (ex: older sisters are often expected to forgo their education) and sometimes a woman will decide she just doesn't want to follow them anymore. She wants to try it on her own, make her own rules, and find a new team but in doing so she will lose her support system. My Tia Flora told me her story about this...how when she was young she wanted to become a singer. Her aunt did not approve of this and told her she had two choices; either follow the rules or get out. So Flora followed the rules. She studied and did well in school, she stopped when she was told it was no longer in the family's best interest, she found a man, she raised children, and she sacrificed as a good woman should to create a better life for them. To a modern lady this might sound rather bleak but Flora has no regrets about the path her life has taken. She believes that staying with the pack is the right thing to do because a life without sisterhood and support just isn’t worth it.
Lastly, be patient and wait your turn. The women of Yantaló know that at the end of the game you are granted special privileges. You get to cut in line, tell young mothers how to raise their kids, get young men to carry your bags and give up their seats, and spend your days as you please. All those years of sacrificing are over. Now, finally, your kids are raised, your husband either dead or placated with old age, and your body no longer invites unwanted attention. This is what women dream of, these last few years of rest and relaxation. How many actually get to this mecca I do not know. I can tell you most older women I have seen in Yantaló are still working for the good of their family, still worrying about their kids, and still playing with the Machismo game (albeit at an easier level).
These are cliff notes of womanhood in Yantaló, but you get the idea. I have only glimpsed into their world, granted access as an honorary team member, but what I have decided is to maintain my Western-First World Feminism. I have nothing but respect for the women who feel proud of their sacrifices and ability to play the game, but it is not for me. What I see are incredibly intelligent and talented individuals who have found a way to make the best of a crappy situation because men are still making the rules and telling us how to play the game. To quote one of the 25 books I’ve read so far this summer, “Like all dominant groups, men seek to promote an image of their subordinate’s nature that contributes to the preservation of the status quo. For thousands of years, males have seen women not as women could be, but only as males want them to be.” So let’s circle back to the same conclusion we started with…it’s hard out here for a chick.
And then there was one...
The day I have been dreading came and went without much notice. I am officially the last volunteer left in Yantalo, after my dear friend Alex took off for Cusco. Thankfully, like anything else, the anticipation was much worse than the reality of the situation. While I would very much like my friends back to entertain me, I have been cranking out quite a bit of material since Alex left. It's a bit curious...I'm not sure if I'm simply getting more opportunities to help out as the sola gringa or if I had been building up this momentum all along, just needing a bit of space to unleash. Regardless, in the past week I have helped examine the visual acuity of hundreds of school children, finished the volunteer cookbook, created a group model building workshop guide, applied for about ten jobs, secured three interviews, completed one, helped with a ceviche fundraiser, AND busted out five consecutive days of work-outs.
This may not sound like much, but let me tell you it feels so good to do more than take copious notes, grocery shop, and read an average of 1.5 books every day. On the horizon, I have a household interview on mental health perceptions to design and administer, the Causal Loop Diagram workshops, my research poster for the Insitute of Public Health at WashU, more interviews for jobs back home (fingers crossed), and perhaps a week of volunteering for an organization called Rios Nete. Seven weeks to go...
Simple Pleasures
You know what I really love to do? Scratch. And everyone always tells you not to! We all know how good it feels to scratch the million bug bites on your legs...so just give me a few minutes of ecstasy and I'll be back to not scratching, okay?! This is a sublime simple pleasure I allow myself BUT....I would give it all up for another kind of simple pleasure. Structure and organization. I had no idea how much I missed this until my visit to a fellow Brown Schooler's site in a little village known as Huapo. This tiny and peaceful place felt like a resort after the ten days of traveling I was getting off of, but I got much more than rest here. Like the infamous Stella, Kim got her groove back. How? (I know you're dying to know) I think it was a combination of getting lost in the jungle for a few hours, consequently gaining some problem solving abilities, and seeing how just a little bit of structure and organization can dramatically change a project and the overall experience of those involved. My inner nerd was doing cartwheels (I can't even do these in real life so that's a lot of excitement) looking at the assets and limitations diagram, the stockholder analysis, the problem solving tree, the logframes...It was like coming home. Something here made sense. Yeah, it wasn't perfect here either. The interns still had complaints, but they also had one on one supervision sessions, a volunteer home, and a USB for Internet connection. So I took full advantage of this oasis of organization and picked every brain until my new vision emerged. So I present to you Kim's Plan, Version 8.1! Part One: In the local school, lead group model building exercises using causal loop diagrams with the goal of illiciting information on potential intervention points for mental health concerns. Part Two: Using the information gathered from Part One, create an outline for a school based wellness program to be implemented by school supervisors or future volunteers. Part Three: Continue a current project of examining health seeking behaviors through household interviews, and if possible, the survey with questions based in mental health perceptions. Part Four: Using all the information gathered through the school based causal loop diagram exercises and the household interviews, write project proposals with background information for future mental health volunteers and interns. For fun I have also created a volunteer Facebook page to serve as a virtual meeting space (as a physical one does not exist) and one stop shop for information and resources for the Yantalo volunteer. Oh and my friend Alex and I are making a cookbook of all the meals we have made! So for now, this is what I have! Simple pleasures and a new groove (another side note...the movie, The Emperor's New Groove was based in Peru so it's kinda perfect).
Okayyyyy (said the Midwesterner)
If you´re from the Midwest, or if you know someone from there you have read that with the correct accent in your head. If not, well it doesn´t really matter, but this expression translates to, "Seriously. Why is this happening." So, in general Yantalo has not been a vacation. It has been life, wonderful and frustrating and lesson packed life. And I am certainly not complaining about that, but can I just real quick explain why I have been okayyyyy´ing all over the place?
Technology. It has not been my friend here.
To date I have had my ipod stolen, my computer crashed and deemed irreparable until back in the states, and my smart phone screen mysteriously cracked and completely non-functioning despite being in an OtterBox case. So, now I am down to a Kindle and a 90´s era Peruvian phone that serves for domestic calls and Solitaire games only. Right, okay. So where is the gold in all of this? I am learning, at the age of 24, to let go of material possessions and sort out my priorities. Now some of you might think this post has privileged white girl written all over it and others will sympathize, and to each their own, but this is a lesson I know I will carry with me for a long time to come. After the shock of this string of unfortunate events wore off, I thought about what I would trade to have all my things back and working. Would I trade the friendships I have made? Take my Brit friend Emily, for example, with her sparkling blue eyes and matching smile that magically make me think of Sunday mornings and baking cinnamon rolls with my grandma. Nope, her friendship is most assuredly worth more than that ipod. What about the medical student Zoe, who held herself in such incredible strength when hearing of a friend´s passing that will inspire me for a long time to come? Nope, still not worth getting the video chip or whatever on my computer fixed.
But what about the days when nothing goes right, and I feel so far behind on my goals and I can´t understand my Tio Lucho and the person I was supposed to meet with didn´t show up for the thousandth time and I am sporting a black eye from a viscious volleyball game and I can´t sleep because I have a thousand more bug bites on my ankles?
Even with all of this, I surprisigly must say no again. I don´t know why exactly but even these days are worth more than the convenience of my gadgets and the false sense of security I used to derive from them. Maybe it just feels more real, life without the screens. Don´t get me wrong, I still intend of fixing them, but just later I guess. For now, I get to see horses walking into houses, as common as a visiting friend. I get to laugh until my face hurts at Alex´s crazy and perfect one liners, complete with a British accent I will never stop trying to imitate. I get to see Machu Picchu in a few days! So the okayyyyyy´s have shortened to a simple okay, meaning, "yeah, everything´s alright". Because this is one girl who´s working on her priorities.
Frequently Asked Questions and Comments for the Social Worker
First of all, I completely forgot about the fourth of July today. Not that this is my favorite holiday or anything but it felt a bit wrong (in an ironic sense) to have my Brit friends remind me my country gained independence from theirs today. Whoops...at least they let me make fun of them.
And vice versa of course...
Anyway, today I have finally come back to the internet via a new wifi cafe decked out in Spaghetti Western, Americana, and Beatles signage while serving a highly caffeinated cup of joe.
Back to my topic of the day...I have been through the stages of exhaustion, excitement, discouragment, motivation, and back again in the past month and have FINALLY made some headway with my projects here. I had no idea that I would be the only mental health professional among a sea of medical students attempting to create an infrastructure of mental health services where there is none. Not to mention alone. This has not been an easy path, but as of this week I have:
1) met every student at the school,
2) assessed their mental health needs and researched treatment options,
3) attended four sessions of a parent/child anti-drug program
4) interviewed a psychologist from Moyobamba
5) redownloaded all of my forms and assessments after my computer crashed and was deemed irreparable, and
6) prepared to start work at the centro salud on Monday, where I will assess all clients over the age of twelve and either treat or refer those in need of further treatment.
In the course of all this planning (and I am sure these plans will continue to change) I have been asked several questions and recieved several comments by almost everyone who I have met in Peru. I remember a class in grad school where our professor told us that social workers need to be able to explain themselves to the rest of the world, and right she was. I was surprised to find that I was at times more than stumped at how to answer questions like this:
1) Social work? What is that?
2) Oh, you work in mental health. So you're a psychologist?
3) You must earn a lot of money in the states! (laughter and head shaking) Really? Why is that?
4) Can you evaluate my kid here? Can you evaluate me? Can you tell me what's wrong with my husband?
5) Why aren't you a psychiatrist? Isn't that better?
6) My friend is having problems (tells me all about it)...Can you go talk to her now?
7) From a doctor: We can make the patients see you. They will do what I say.
8) Why do you need informed consent/parent permission forms?
9) A general assumption that I am a medical student.
And then from people in the states:
1) How's it going down there?
2) How's your Spanish coming along?
3) What exactly are you doing?
4) You're so lucky to be on vacation!
5) Why isn't the clinic open? Isn't that where you were supposed to work?
My head reels a bit even writing this all down. I am so sure that the work I am and will do here in Yantalo is important, needed, and mutually beneficial but sifting through all this confusion has led to me to question the feasbility of it all on a daily basis. Luckily, I have a set of wonderful mentors and peers back in the states that are encouraging me to be creative and perserverant with the resources available in order to create a program that is sustainable, ethical, and effective. I have a long way to go yet and many more lessons to learn, but for today I can honestly say things are going well down here.
